Futurama - 4x01 - Roswell That Ends Well.en.srt (DOWNLOAD SUBTITLES)
Roswell That Ends Well
Never seen a supernova blow...
...but if it's like my Chevy Nova, it'll light up the sky.
Anyone who misses this will regret it forever.
- Fry, could you go make some popcorn? - Okay.
Let's go, microwave. I'm in a hurry here.
- What smells like blue? - Fry, get up here. It's starting.
Focus.
Which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?
- My head is spinning. - My popcorn's done.
It's less popped than ever.
I don't know what happened, but we've taken on clocks. Let's go home.
Why is there so little traffic?
What's this layer of ozone? That's never been there before.
Such noises.
There's no global-positioning signal. Navigation is failing.
- We're gonna crash! - Not if I can help it.
I guess I can't. Everyone put on your seat belts.
Those cost more lives than they save.
- Bender, are you okay? - Don't know. I'll try to move my feet.
Here's the plan. Zoidberg, pick up the pieces. Everyone else, take five.
Zoidberg picks up another piece. The crowd goes wild.
What is...?
General, in all my years of covering top-secret discoveries with sheets...
...I've never dramatically revealed anything as shocking as this.
The debris from an alien spaceship.
Son, I think I can safely say:
As you can see, 1 947 is going to be an eventful year...
...for the town of Roswell, New Mexico.
Remarkable.
According to the precision digital chronograph, it's July 9th, 1 947...
...which explains why the chronograph turned into this calendar.
You mean we traveled through time?
Some idiot must have put metal in the microwave.
- Yo. - And the microwave radiation...
...combined with gravitons and graviolies from the supernova...
...blasted us through time. - Seen today's news?
"Gym Renovations on Schedule"? What a load.
No, over here. "Flying Saucer Captured."
That's no flying saucer. That's my ass.
My God. This means the flying saucer that crashed in Roswell was us.
And the alien they captured was... was...?
Hello.
What are you guys doing tonight? I'm up for whatever.
We tore the universe a new space hole. But it's clenching shut fast.
Our only hope to get back to our time is to go back through within, say...
...exactly 24 hours.
Ship's fixed except for the cup holder. It should be operational in 1 0 hours.
You've got eight. But more urgent is the microwave.
Without one, we have no hope of returning to the future.
I'm sure we can buy one somewhere.
You sneak onto the Army base and rescue Bender's body.
I'll visit my grandfather, Enus. He was stationed at Roswell.
Stay away from him, dimwitted monkey! You mustn't interfere with the past.
Don't do anything that affects anything, unless you were supposed to...
...in which case, don't not do it. - Got it.
If you were to kill your grandfather, you'd cease to exist.
But existing is basically all I do!
- What is your purpose here? - All right, officer, I'll move along.
Why did you come to Earth?
Not a day goes by I don't ask myself that.
Enus!
I want that toilet so clean I could eat off it. Because I intend to.
- Gadzooks, sarge. - It's him. It's my grandfather, Enus.
Now, prepare my lunch and place it in the latrine at 1 200 hours.
That jeep's gonna hit him, and I won't exist anymore!
You almost got yourself run over.
Then I am lucky you knocked me onto this pile of rusty bayonets.
Stop interfering with history. I don't want to have to memorize new kings.
I had no choice. I was about to not exist.
I could feel myself fading away, like Greg Kinnear.
Thanks, soldier. I'm off to make sarge's lunch.
Handling raw chicken? Best part of the job. Finger-licking good.
We gotta get you out of here. Everything's gonna be all right, Dad.
- Gadzooks, I'd better ask sarge. - No time. Run! Run to safety.
This experiment will determine what food, if any, the alien eats.
A buffet. Oh, if only I had my wallet with me.
It's free.
Get me the president.
Fry's from this time. I'll talk like him. Yo, homes, we need a microwave.
Never heard of that brand. What you want is the Gas Princess.
This has broilers, casserole indicator, ironing board...
...and a foot-soaking tub, since, as a woman, you'll be in front of it all day.
I'm sorry. Now, I'll ax you again. Where can we find a microwave?
She's hysterical, so I'll talk to you.
This oven takes only five hours to cook a roast.
That's good news. You know, you really don't cook enough roasts, Leela.
Women.
Thank God I got you off that Army base.
You sure are helpful. You got anything to eat in that lunch box?
- What...? - Snacks.
Hey, that's my brain!
Them crackers cut my mouth up something bad. Let's stop off for a malt.
- See that waitress? - I know what I want for dessert.
- That's my fiancée, Mildred. - Grandma Mildred? No dessert.
Okey-doke. And for you, snuggums?
I'll have a pie with a fried egg on top.
You ought to marry her and father children right away.
Did you ever get the feeling...
...you're only going with girls because you're supposed to?
What?! Don't ever say or think that. Just concentrate on staying alive.
Fire! Look out!
- You almost got neutered. - Ain't as bad as killed.
For me it is. I'm getting you out of here.
We're in the middle of nowhere, the safest part.
Just stay put and enjoy this calendar.
Safe and sound. Finally, I can continue to exist.
Three, two, one.
And you are out of here.
- What'll you folks have? - I'll have soylent green...
...with a soylent orange and soylent coleslaw.
- Pardon? - It's the 20th century.
I'll have a croque monsieur, paella, two mutton pills and a stein of mead.
- I'll have an injection of Fem-a-slim. - Two chili dogs coming up.
Settle in. Without a microwave, we're trapped.
Oh, lord! We'll have to endure the horrible music of the Big Bopper...
...and then the terrible tragedy of his death.
There's a microwave radar dish at the Army base. We could steal it.
That would alter history. Above all else...
...it is our sacred duty to preserve the past exactly as it was.
Well, I killed my grandfather.
- Wait, why do you still exist? - I don't know. Maybe God loves me.
Killed? In an atomic blast?
No, I don't take solace in the fact...
...that the implosion trigger functioned perfectly.
There, there. If it makes you feel any better...
...he was vaporized, so he can't come back as a zombie.
- I'm not worried about that. - Then you're braver than I.
You remind me of Enus. Mind walking me home?
How far is it?
- Welcome, President Truman. - This visit's top-secret.
No one's to know, except officers, scientists...
...and a conspiracy nut who no one will believe.
Our experts have reassembled the parts from the alien ship...
...into its original design.
I want this sent to Area 51 for study.
Where we're building the fake moon landing?
We'll have to really land on the moon. Invent NASA and tell them.
If you come in peace, surrender. If you're here to make war, we surrender.
The important thing is, I'm meeting new people.
What's your mission? Are you planning a kind of alien-human hybrid?
- Are you coming on to me? - I take exception to that.
- I'm not hearing a no. - Nerts to this crab.
We'll have to do an old-fashioned alien autopsy.
Hooray!
Every little thing reminds me of Enus.
I know how you feel. My grandfather died recently.
It's all so sad. At times like this...
...I just need someone to hold me.
You like holding me, don't you?
Know what always cheers you up? Baking me sugar cookies.
How about these cookies, sugar?
I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't exist. But I do exist.
Which proves you can't really be my grandma...
Oh, my God!
What the hell have you done?!
Relax. She can't be my grandmother. I figured it out.
Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope. Look.
Come back to bed, dearie.
Impossible. If she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather?
Isn't it obvious?
You are.
Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.
Commencing excavation of subject's chest cavity.
And in this corner, Zoidberg.
Come on, lighten up. What is this, a funeral?
- Heart. - Take. I've got four of them.
- Stomach contents. One deviled egg. - Deviled egg?
The same deviled egg.
- Snap out of it! - Start the ship.
Let's steal the radar dish and get back to our own time.
Won't that change history?
A lesson in not changing history from Mr. I'm-my-own-grandpa.
Let's get the hell out of here. Screw history.
UFO! UFO!
Don't cut that. I need that to speak.
- Holy... - Great Roosevelt's ghost!
Take this, Mr. President. Sir.
The president is gagging on my gas bladder. What an honor.
Wha...? Oh, right.
- Enus! - He's dead. Sorry!
- Choke on that, causality! - 1 947 can kiss my shiny metal...
- We've got to go back for Bender. - Impossible! The time hole is closing.
If we don't leave now, we'll never get back to the 31 st century.
Bender!
- There, good as new. - Don't you need this one?
Oh, no. That's my...
Gotcha.
Poor Bender.
He must be so lonely right now, trapped 1 000 years in the past.
Hey, wait a second.
- Anything? - No. Wait!
- Stupid jerk. - He's alive.
Bender! What was it like lying in that hole for 1 000 years?
- I was enjoying it until you showed up. - Now everything is back as it was.
If history doesn't care that our degenerate friend, Fry...
...is his own grandfather, who are we to judge?
Amen.