Wollongong the Brave

Transcription

[Singing] Wollongong the Brave Aunty Jack: 'Allo me little lovelies, this is your Queen speaking from my secret headquarters in Wollongong My Arthur and I would like to warn you that the whole world has been gobbled up by the terrible coloured television monster Arthur: Ahhhh! Aunty Jack: Don't panic! Just always remember that the proud colours of Wollongong, black and grey Will fly at full mast and there will still be hope because if Wollongong breaks out in colour it could mean the end of the world Arthur, how goes it on the Illawarra front? Arthur: Oh, I'm looking at the Port Kembla steal works Aunty Jack Aunty Jack: Yeah Arthur: and nothing but pitch black Aunty Jack: Oh good Arthur: Hey wait a minute, wait a minute, the grass under the foundry, it's turning green! Aunty Jack: Erky, perky, it's here already! Arthur: Oh Aunty Jack I'm scared Aunty Jack: Yeah, so are you! Arthur I can feel it in 'me bones Arthur: Oh look, Aunty Jack we've picked up the colour monster on the radar Aunty Jack: Struth. It's at Corrimal South postcode 2518 already Arthur: Oh look, it's coming up the garden path. It'll be here in ten seconds Aunty Jack: Nine, eight, seven, six [doorbell chimes] you're early Kid Eager: I'm terribly sorry. Aunty Jack: five, four, three, two, one! Kid Eager: Argh, argh, avast there land lovers. Where'd be the poop deck? Aunty Jack: Under the crow’s nest Kid Eager: Oh, argh, step aside there fatso and let the new colourful personality of Captain Kid Eager say ahoy there shipmates Aunty Jack: Oh, you poor thing. Look what the colour monster's done, it's turned you into a lady Kid Eager: Argh, oh. Arthur: Aunty Jack, that's a pirate dressed as Flange Desire Aunty Jack: See what I mean Arthur? Kid Eager: Argh. Aunty Jack: Colour has an unnatural effect on pirates, turns them into ladies Kid Eager: Oh, listen 'puddin. To join the colour world you gotta [sic] give them eyes, tits and teeth Aunty Jack: [mumbling] Ay Arthur: Where are your tits? Aunty Jack: [mumbling] Arthur! Kid Eager: Oh, they must've dropped [Parrot squawking] piece of rope, piece of rope [sic] Kid Eager: argh, there they'd be Aunty Jack: Argh, they'd be a fine pair or tits All: argh, argh [Sirens and bells ringing] Arthur: Look! Aunty Jack, the colour it's leaking through the window Aunty Jack: Poo! The filthy thing all over my new carpet Arthur: Ah, look it's filling the room. How are we going to breath? Aunty Jack: Quick Arthur! The Wollongong air, I'll try and hold it down Aunty Jack: Here it is Kid Eager: Hey look at me, look at me, I'm in colour [deep breath] Kid Eager: Come on in it's lovely [deep breath] Aunty Jack: I can't hold it on very long [deep breath] Aunty Jack: Here it goes Arthur. Oooo Aunty Jack: Awwe [sic], what a beautiful room Aunty Jack: It's really quite nice being in colour isn't it? Aunty Jack: I don't feel any different Kid Eager: Awww [sic] yeah, that's because you aren't any different tubbing. [Sic] You're still in black and white Aunty Jack: I am not! Arthur: Yes you are Aunty Jack Aunty Jack: I am, well I'm glad I didn't catch it Kid Eager: Catch what? Aunty Jack: that horrible disease that comes with colour. Ahh Aunty Jack: Green slime polkaditus [sic] Arthur & Kid Eager: Green slime polkaditus [sic]. Ahhh, ohh Arthur: Gee I'm alright Kid, I'm still in black and white Arthur: Oh, oh look Aunty Jack I've gone pink Aunty Jack: Pink, flesh poo Arthur, you've caught it Arthur: What do I do? What do I do? Kid Eager: What do I do? Aunty Jack: I can save you Arthur Kid Eager & Arthur: [shrieking] Aunty Jack: Colour remover, right shut your eyes Arthur: urgh, urgh, urgh [sic] Aunty Jack: Turn 'round Arthur: urgh, urgh [sic] Aunty Jack: 'right, saved Arthur: Good, good. Kid Eager: Yeah well what about me then ay? Aunty Jack: Aright shut your eyes Aunty Jack: 'right say ahhh Kid Eager: ahhh [choking] Aunty Jack: 'Nup [sic] doesn't work on pirates Kid Eager: Ohhh. Ay listen, I'm not a pirate, I'm Kid Eager Aunty Jack: Urrgh [sic], Martian Kid Eager: A Martian Arthur: How do you know he's a Martian Aunty Jack: There, look big red feet, baggy pants and a propeller Oh that's me. Hey I've always had those Arthur: Yeah, how 'bout a spotted face? Kid Eager: awww [sic] a Martian Kid Eager: Aunty Jack, I'm changing colour Aunty Jack: Naturally, symptom one [sic] Arthur: Oh yuck, it's green Martian Kid Eager: Oh, AJ, I’ve got gangrene. Does that mean they're going to cut me off? Aunty Jack: I hope so, you know the last person that got Martian green slime polkaditus [sic] turned into a green jelly Kid Eager: A green jelly? Awww [sic] bull Kid Eager: [whimpering] Aunty Jack: What flavour is he Arthur? Arthur: Taste like lime Aunty Jack Aunty Jack: Yum, yum a lime Martian Kid Eager: Ay hey [sic] hey get your finger out of my ear Aunty Jack Arthur: Aunty Jack, you've gone coloured Oh I know Arthur, it was only a big joke [laughing] Arthur: A big joke Kid Eager: It's no joke being a limed flavoured jelly Aunty Jack: Alright kiddie poo you just wobble along with us Aunty Jack: Alright, hit it Arthur Kid Eager: argh, ohh Aunty Jack: Kid Kid Eager: Pick on someone your own colour [Singing] Arthur: Farewell black and white, we saw you leave tonight, na na na na na na [continues signing softly] Kid Eager: [hollers in pain] Aunty Jack: Ah [sic] remember all you kiddies don't you watch colour jokes on black and white television Aunty Jack: 'cause if you do I'm gonna [sic] jump through your sets and rip your pink bloody arms off Aunty Jack: And I will too. Arthur: Poo Aunty Jack, what's that horrible smell? Aunty Jack: [quietly] what horrible smell? Aunty Jack: Oh, I think I stepped in some Kid Eager Kid Eager: [moaning in pain]