Stone Age (board game)

Transcription

- I was about 14 when I realized that I was a capital G Gamer. After a childhood spent playing the usual roll your dice and move your pawn games, I thought that tabletop games were stupid things for kids, not nearly as interesting as the facemeltingly amazing graphics and storytelling in video games like Altered Beast. It only took a couple of weekends for me to learn that tabletop games were not stupid, and they were not just for kids. And they could actually surpass just about any video game in the world, except for the Legend of Zelda, which is perfect in every way and remains so to this day. Today on TableTop, we're playing a game that's a little heavier than what we usually play, but I think you're all ready for it. Jesse Cox, Nika Harper and Jordan Maron are here to play a game that I believe will convert the damn kids today from button mashing, no-scoping, mother insulting video gamers into calculating, strategizing, imaginative tabletop gamers. We'll have to manage our resources and think very carefully about where we place our workers, if we want to emerge victorious from the Stone Age. ("TableTop Theme") Stone Age is a worker placement, resource management game designed by Bernd Brunnhofer. Each player will guide their neolithic civilization in the historic transition from primitive hunter-gatherer tribes, where we were super healthy egalitarians, into a more civilized era, where we made weaker minds, build homes of stone and gold, while the peasants farmed dirt to barely survive. Ah, progress. In order to build the homes that we want over here, for points, we need to gather the resources in the recipes printed on their tiles. And to gather these resources, wood, brick, stone and gold, we need to send our workers to specific locations around the board to strip the land of its goods. Once the workers are assigned to their working spots, it's time to harvest. So, you see these little circles? This is where we place our dudes, and to determine how much stuff we actually bring back to the tribe, we roll these dice here. One die for each dude in a location. For example, I have four little guys here trying to deforest this region for wood. So, I'm gonna roll four dice and then consult a formula, to determine how much I get. There is a ton of strategy in Stone Age, from leveling up your technology to control the variance of the dice, buying civilization cards to make our people happy, to spending time upping our farming to feed our daily food needs. Stone Age ends when one stack of these housing tiles is empty, or if we run out of these extremely powerful civilization cards. When we're at game end, we'll score bonus points for having each of these gifts of civilization. Reach into your TARDIS console, and set a course for 20,000 BCE. It's time to head back into the Stone Age. - Hello, I am Nika Harper, I am a video host and independent author. - I'm Jesse Cox, you might know me from other things on Geek and Sundry I've ruined. - My name is Jordan Maron, on YouTube I go by CaptainSparklez, and I make videos primarily on video game stuff. - Hello everyone, it's Stone Age. Normally in Stone Age, the youngest player goes first. This is a thing I don't like at all, on account of I'm never the youngest player in a game on this show. So, we did our normal first player selection method, which is to grab one meeple of each color, shake them up, and then choose the one that falls out first. (laughs) As that turns out, it's me. So, I'm going to go first. I'm very much torn between tool development area or get some stone for free area. They're both very good. How much I can... Don't even try, Jesse Cox. (Nika laughs) - [Wil] How much I can go. - Go on. - This is tough. - Already trolling. - Alright, I'm putting my guy here. I am going here for tools. Jesse, it's your placement, where are you going to put your worker face? - Well. - And if you need to put your worker face on a part of the board that you can't reach, I will place it for you. - What? - So you don't have to stand up. - What? - I know, this is about sitting down and not exercising, so. - The lap of luxury, go on. Wow, Mr. Wheaton, I would love it if you could place this where the farm man goes. - Of course, absolutely, you are in the agriculture hut. Jordan, where are you going to go? - Don't do it, don't do it. - I'm not making babies, you can, that's all you. - Good, I'm making babies. I'm last, and I thought I wouldn't be able to. - I would like to get free stone. - [Wil] Yeah? Alright. - [Nika] Ooh, that's such a... - [Wil] Alright, very good. - I went for the stone spot, the civilization card at first, because Jesse had the farm, Wil had the tools, didn't wanna take the baby spots from Nika, she likes her babies, so I figured that was the best spot for me. - I like how you actually said both of your plays, and then I immediately discounted them in my mind. - Yeah? - I was like, you're probably gonna make the right decisions. - Yeah. - And then you talked about which decisions you were going to make, and I was like "I don't care, babies!" - Just make 'em, put 'em down. - [Nika] I'm doing that right now. - [Wil] Alright. - My basic strategy for playing Stone Age is, I don't know, I think just Zerging. Which is just making as many people as possible. I don't know what to do with them, but I'm gonna make 'em. - Um, I think that I am going to head out here and pick up a wagon with some lottery happening. - [Nika] Ooh! - [Wil] Now what can I do for you, sir? - I have a proposition for you two. - Okay. - We have a history of losing to this gentleman. - Are you gonna start colluding against me already? - I propose a beatin' and defeatin' Wil Wheaton pact. Today, where we pur... I like how I got through the one thing... - You can't even say it, because you know how horrible and evil and wrong it is! - All I'm saying is, I've been looking at the board, and I noticed that there's a lot of that going on, but there's no resources to put there, which means I would like to put all four of these on wood, sir, if you would be so kind. - [Nika] And you're expecting... - My expectation is someone else will put stuff on wood, thus preventing him from getting the materials he needs with which to defeat us. Beatin' and defeatin' Wil Wheaton pact was created the minute I found out that I would be playing again with Nika Harper. Last time we were on together, we were defeated by Wil. - To 52, and holy (beeps) I won. - I came in second! - [Nika] I beat Jesse! - [Kumail] Oh, you came in last! This is a good story! - It's nothing personal, but I don't want to be the first person he defeats twice. Not today, not today, sir, I will not lose again. - I want you to remember that you started this. You see this red behind me? That's actually being projected out of the back of my angry head. Now we find ourselves at an interesting juncture now. - We do. I'm gonna play the selfish game, sorry. We're going for the clay. - [Nika] Oh, okay. - [Wil] You're all in for the clay? - [Jordan] Yep. - [Nika] He's all in on clay. - [Wil] You got it. - Wow, this is getting fierce already. - I sorta knew beforehand Jesse was gonna go for that pact. I thought maybe he'd try to slither his way in and then backstab Wil in the end. I mean, hey, his approach is pretty over the top and straightforward. - Let's see, I have exactly three guys. - [Wil] Yeah, you're gonna go. - There's exactly three spots. - You're gonna go there instead of feeding the babies that you're gonna make? That's the choice that you're gonna make? - I have free feed for like two rounds. - [Wil] Oh no, yeah, no, sure, yep - [Nika] I think I'm doing okay with this. - [Wil] Nope, that's absolutely right. All I'm saying is, I have a murder list and a party list, and at the moment there is one person on each of those lists. - I have an interesting thing to do. You know what I'm going to do? Only two. - [Jesse] Ooh. - There is still one opportunity, should you be interested in taking it. - [Wil] Oh sure, yeah, okay. - And that could give you actually quite a bit of wood. - In your mind, what made that less worse? Where would, cause really you just didn't commit to being an awful person, but you're kinda bad. - Everyone in the world is on my party list until they cross me, at which point they're put on the murder death list. Once you're on the murder death list, the only way to get off of it... You're never getting off my murder death list. That's why it's a murder death list. - You're kind of a bad person. - She's treading lightly. - You guys both have beards, you guys are probably the enemies, like the actual villains here. - That's goatees, that's goatees, miss. - I am in fact going to play here. Oh it's back to you, where are you going to put your final person? - Oh it's me again isn't it? - Yeah, it sure is. - Uh, hunting! I'm hungry! - I will close out some of the brick. So as the kahuna, that's who I am at the moment. I will remove my guys first. I'm going to start by taking my tool worker, I suppose. So we comes back to my village and he's like "Hey guys, look, I figured out that if you "put a heavy thing on the end of a stick, "it can wack stuff!" - Dude! None of us know this yet, by the way. - Crazy! - [Wil] Right? And everybody in the tribe was like "Show me how that works, it's confusing." and he's like "Alright, meet me in the forest. "It's very crowded with a bunch of dicks, "but come up there anyhow." So, I'm gonna roll one die for this guy. And I'm gonna roll and see what happens. I'll tell you what, if I roll a six, you're off the hook, you are not. - Why? Oh my God! There was no way out of this situation, it was either Jesse or you. - Because you had a choice. - I knew that evil Wil existed, but this is a whole new side of it. I've never seen it directed at me. I am, I was made to have a choice. - You chose poorly. - There was no way out of this situation that would make both of you not hate me, so I just... - Look I just want this to be a six - [Wil] Oh! - But oh, wait, wait, wait, wait! (Nika laughs) - What's so interesting about this is that I've upgraded it to a six with my tool, which allows me to get two wood, because we divide that by three. I like to go tech, because it lets me rely less on rolling high on the dice, and it allows me to invest fewer workers in resource gathering. - Congrats. - Okay, that's very nice. - What I did was I was nice to you, I still let you have the wood, you don't understand. - [Wil] I'm going to take this wood down to the shore, where I'm going to turn it into a boat. - [Jesse] And give us some resources, please. - And now, I will find out what happens. We're gonna roll four dice. - We're going to the bazaar, yeah, I like this. - Yeah, I like getting free stuff. - [Jordan] I like it. - We didn't have to pay for it, I mean, we just get stuff. - [Wil] Five, four, two, two. As I have the honor of choosing first, I will upgrade my tool to a two point tool. What would you like? - Gold. - [Jordan] Gold rims? - There's your brick, to no Nika, that's for you. Now I'm going to roll two dice for my guys that are out digging around for clay. - See, you still do hate him, right? I'm sorry. - [Wil] Wow. - [Jesse] Aw! - [Jordan] Whoa! - Twelve! I'm glad that I have not made myself an enemy of the guy with a tool and a bunch of brick, is all I'm saying. That's, that's alright. - [Jesse] I'm in a good spot, here. - Mr. Jesse Cox. - I would like to, uh, first. - Choke on it. (Nika makes gibberish sounds) - I will not, for you see I shall construct a wooden ware with all of the wood I get. Okay, by the power of woodhackery. - [Jordan] Not too bad. - [Jesse] 12. - Is it safe to presume that you're gonna bring your agriculture guy back? - I am, I will take him and get one agriculture. - [Wil] Alright, Jordan, would you move his agriculture up one please? - The strategy of farming is more about preventing other people from getting it. So I am preventing anyone else from getting food and I am going to, at the same time, get as much food as I can. - I'll go clay first, we've got... - Alright. - Come on. - [Nika] I've gotta see this. - Ooh. - So you get three bricks. I presume you're gonna spend one of your bricks. - [Jordan] I will spend one. - [Wil] Down here. - [Jordan] Yep. - [Wil] Very good, there you are. You have a wheelbarrow, and you get two stone for that. - Okay, where do I start? Let's start with babies. - [Wil] Well first of all, let's put a little baby down here next to your people. - Who's a little worker? - Yeah, roll one dice for hunting. - Okay, okay, pow! Let's hope this is amazing. - [Jesse] One. - [Nika] It's so amazing! - You're gonna get three food, that's fantastic, thats the most food you could've gotten on that roll. - Cha cha cha cha-cha cha cha-cha. - Yeah, great, well that's a thing that you need on account of you are... - Breeding. - Yes. - Aggressively. - Agree, yes. - Yes that is how I do this. - How does one aggressively breed? - You wanna find out? - [Jesse] No! - Wow, that's just... - I'm horrified! All I wanted to do was make a pact to beat him, I didn't want to do anything else. - I was talking about beating him too, for the record. - That, that, wow, that escalated very quickly. - Go on. - It's super at four. - That's a four and a one, that's a five, and you're gonna get one wood. - Thank you for helping me with math. - You're welcome. - Because reasons. - Um, there's your people come back. So now, we will feed our people. Um, my tribe is five, so it's gonna cost me five food to feed my tribe. So my tribe is fed. Alright, now Jesse, you have an agriculture of one, so you actually get paid one food. - Paid in berries? - Which is terrific, so you're paying a net four to feed your family, and it's going to cost you five. - Yep. - [Wil] To feed your tribe. - I'm a six, by the way. - And we appreciate that. Everyone is all fed, so now some new guys have come out here. So, I will now pass the role of kahuna to the traitor, Jesse Cox. - The traitor king speaks. (Nika laughs) I wish to farm once more. - [Wil] Ah. - [Nika] Ooh! - [Jordan} Ah, man. - This is a very different strategy than I expected from you. - Alright, and what is your move, Mr. Jordan? - I'm gonna start off with tools, right there. - Miss Nika, where are you going? - Nobody stopped me from this. It's a good day to be me. I would like that one right there. - [Wil] Yep, that is, that's very good, especially because of the bonuses you are keen to inherit. - On my turn, I'm also gonna follow you down to the shore. - C'mon down! - And I'm gonna come down here, because I would love to learn about the fertility goddess, and I would also love to increase my tools, because I think tools are neat. - Back to wood, please. - [Wil] Terribleness, alright. - What I'm doing you see, is called Cox blocking. It's a thing I'm very good at. I've noticed wood is the cheapest, most effective resource, and the more that I can take, and the less other people can get, hopefully the better it will be for me. - [Wil] Where you going, Jordan? - Now let it be known, this is nothing personal. I'm just lacking some wood on my board here. - Well, I'm certainly happy to be involved in getting you wood. - [Nika] I would actually like to do... - [Jesse] Babies. - Babies. - I can't afford the babies right now. - Oh yes you can. - But I'm not sure... - [Jesse] You can always afford babies. - I'm afraid I can't, to be honest. - Babies, babies. - I mean, it's lonely out there. We've got an entire world and between Nick and Jesse and I we've only got 15, we need some more company. She seems more than eager to do it. - I want to be responsible, I'm gonna do it. - [Jesse] Yeah! - [Nika] I'm so mad at you guys. - [Jordan] Make the world a better place. - I just feel really pressured to make children right now. I didn't even know that was an option, to like not, just stack children. I thought that that was a thing. - I am done. - [Nika] Looking pretty sweet over there. - [Jordan] We're gonna make a hut. - Alright, guys. Get out your sharpened twigs and sticks and things. We are going to find some mammoths. - I'm going to do something which is in fact a little risky. - Uh oh. - I'm gonna come down here and I'm gonna try, I'm going to consider purchasing that hut. Alright, so I believe has everyone placed their workers? - Yes. - Alright, kahuna, you have the honor, what will you do first? - I will first procure my farmer, who has... - [Wil] Alright, your farmer's coming off alright very good. - Then I shall... - [Wil] Oh, you're all in on wood. - All in. - Yes. - Shocking. - That's how I work. - [Wil] 13 gets you... Four woods. - Alright, so Jordan. - I could start off by getting my tool. - Alright, very well. Here you go. - I'll build my hut. - [Wil] Alright, build that hut. Let's see the resources to make that hut happen. - Build that hut! (Wil laughs) - So that costs you two stone and a brick. - I think my main strategy is go for the civilization cards, and go for the huts. - Uh, so now I assume you're going to go to the forest and oh, you have a tool now! - I do. - Wow, you're going to upgrade yourself from punching trees to hitting trees with a rock on a stick. - Nine. - [Wil] Nine can bump that up to ten. - That won't do anything. - It doesn't do you any good. - So three pieces of wood. - Three pieces of wood, coming your way. Nika, guess what's happening? - Is that some Barry White I hear? (Wil makes baby cries) Oh, it's not Barry White at all. (Makes baby cries) - Now get to work, kid. - I don't care if your lungs are black, go back to the mine! - Father, I'm here to work for you, wah! - Now you're probably, you wanna go hunting? - Yeah, I got to. - Yeah, I figured. - How many is that again? It was three? - That's three. - [Jesse] Three. - (sings) Three, three dice! Let's make this happen, guys! - [Jordan] Was that their hunting song? - Remember last time? Yeah. Alright. - Ten. - Ten's not bad. - [Jordan] Get some fish! - [Wil] Five, yeah take some fish. - [Jordan] You've upgraded from the... - [Wil] That's a thing that you need. You know, honestly, I feel like, like the dice are just encouraging you to breed, by enabling you to keep making more babies, and I'm not in favor of that policy. - [Nika] It's pretty much the best. - So now I have an interesting choice to make here, kids at home. So, I really want to get this hut, and I really wanna get this hut for four brick, because it's gonna get me 16 points, which is great. So, what I have to decide is, am I going to risk two brick and come down here and spend those two brick on this guy to get a tool, or am I gonna come up here first, attempt to get an additional three brick, so that I have enough. We have to commit our workers before we ever touch the dice, so if we don't have enough resources to get a hut or a boat, we have to hope that we will be able to roll enough, and then it becomes a math problem. My expectation on this, rolling three dice plus two is for 15, 17, divided by three, is 15. (whispers numbers under breath) - [Wil] Uh, I think... - He's lost it. It's like eighth grade math all over again. Hopefully the teacher won't call on me. Okay, I'm good, yeah. - I've calculated a risk, and now I'm taking that calculated risk, so these guys are out here, they're digging for bricks. So let's see how that works out for me. We'll find out if maybe my risk pays off, or I'm a dumbass, let's see. (gasps) Oh, that's terrible. That's really, really awful. So I get one brick, which is, that's awful. That's a super disappointing roll. - It saddens me greatly. - Yeah, and it's a super bummer that I can't get that hut, but whatever that was a chance that I was taking, and it just didn't quite work out. My turn is done. Jesse, feed your people, please. - Uh, I get two. - You get two back, so it's a net three that it costs for you to feed your tribe. - Oh, okay. - I get no discounts. - [Wil] Jordan it costs you five to feed. Right, so you've fed your people. Nika, it costs you a million. - Okay, how much do you want. - It costs you seven to feed your things. So it costs you a fish and mushrooms, and then it costs me some fish to feed my crew, so I've gone ahead and done that. Now we need to move these guys down and reload, and Jordan, you're now the kahuna. - I'm going for the food. (Nika grunts) - Looked like you were grabbing two to make another baby. - No, I think i am, actually. - [Jordan] Make another baby. - There's other resources in this game? I thought it was just boning and food. - [Jesse] Six! - Ready, cursed. - Your curses are great! - [Wil] 24 additional points. - Welcome to Metropolis. - Polish mine a little bit more though, so it looks prettier. - You do, eh? In your window! - Oh my God, I really need this to be delicious. That's pretty good! - [Jordan] Wow. - [Wil] Well, 14. - Obviously I'm gonna improve my tool. - [Wil] Alright, flip your tool over. - At tech level four, basically I've got like a chainsaw, but it's like got diamond blades on it. - And you guys are all afraid of me. - I was never afraid of you. - Damn! - You don't have any food? - I don't. I'm out of food, so I'm gonna need to throw some hunters into the mix. - And I believe everyone's workers are out. So, first I will pay a stick so that I can get this guy here. I've learned the beauty of music, which is lovely. I've also managed to get myself three points. - [Jordan] On the board, woo! - [Wil] On the board! Not in last place! Woo! - Wait a minute, that's me. I feel really bad for that green, that's me, I'm the green spot. All man, I'm last. - And now I am going to buy this boat. Maybe not the best thing in the world to over pay for it now but it does get me some points. - [Jesse] Now he has 16 points. - Yeah, that's absurd. - Which I desperately need. - So now you roulette. - Yay! - I am on an express train to Loserville. So now... - General store! - I'll go ahead and do this. - Okay, I am going to try my hardest for some wood. (Nika laughs) Look, I'm gonna shake it as hard as I can. - Yep, yep. - And hope to get some wood. - Cox going for the wood. - Four - I'll take, you know what? - You probably should've tried harder for wood. - One wood is what I need, I'm fine. (Nika giggles) Then, one man. - [Wil] Yes! - [Jesse] In the wilderness. - [Wil] Yeah. - Can he roll a two or above? (Nika laughs) - Let's find out. It'll be really interesting. - And you're getting at least one food. - Cursed! I cursed you, not the dice. Oh my God! I told you, I am a wizard! - That's the trick. That's the trick, no the trick is to curse, to curse the guy, not the cup. - Come on, yak cup! Go yak cup! - Alright, flip it, flip it. - I, I, I... - You wanna know what I am? - [Jesse] Get behind me! - I'm a wizard! - Get behind me, witch! - Cursed, cursed. Eh. - [Wil] There's two more wood for you. - (sighs) I'm sure Nika thinks she's a wizard, but I think she's more of a witch, with a B. (Nika laughs) - Oh. - Let's see, what are we starting out with, farm? - [Wil] Yep, go ahead and grab your farm guy back, and increase your farm by one, very good, nice, okay. - [Nika] I have zero farm. (laughs) - You will continue to have zero farm. - [Nika] Doing great, guys. - Come on 12. (Nika laughs) Can you put good magic on? - Nope. - Why? - [Jesse] No. - [Nika] What's in it for me? - We're good. - [Nika] Alright, alright. - [Wil] So that's eight for food. - The lone sound of one. - What is the sound of one die rolling, master? - I get one stone. - You get one stone, sure do. - Use it, grab another. - Honestly, grats. - [Wil] And now. - And now I'm going to build my huts. - Okay, alright, nice. Well done, there's this guy. Nika, so where you starting, are you starting out in the forest? - Making it rain food for a little bit. - Okay, very good. - You need to learn a lesson here, four ones. Hard lesson. - Right, ha-ta, come on! Eh, that's alright. - Uh, eight, 12, I guess now you're gonna go try to chew down a tree? - (grunts) I'm just gonna gnaw away at that for a little bit. Ta-ta, alright! - 11, 12, 13, 14 is gonna get you four woods. - One, two, three, four. - I was unsure of my math if you couldn't tell there. - That was good, I would've agreed to anything at that point like yeah, eh, eh. - Yeah, no that sounds good, you sound like a confident guy who knows what he's talking about. - [Jesse] He's got flutes! - Yeah, sure alright, let's feed our tribe. - [Nika] No tools, no structures, and nothing but babies. I think I'm actually rabbits, I am a rabbit. (laughs) - Okay, Woody McWooderton. - Weepy McWillow. All I need is three pieces of wood in order to prevent Nika from enjoying herself. - Why? - Come on! - Larchy McLarcherson. - Pointy McPinetree. - Everything's about space when you're Wil Wheaton, you can quote me on that, oh (beeps). (group laughs) (slurs) Everything is about space! Your face yearns about space. Birchy Birch Birchalot. - Engusa, English Oak. - I think it's time. - I should shut up. Alright, come on wood dice! No whammies! - Triple snake eyes. - Six, nine, you can make a ten, it doesn't matter, you get three woods. - One return. - [Wil] You're gonna turn one into a boat. Very well, alright, so now roll four dice to find out what happens, like to call it the boat market. What happens at the boat market? - [Jordan] Ooh. - [Jesse] Six! - [Wil] Many good things for everyone except me. - [Jesse] Wow. - It's amazing that the dice hate me even when I'm not rolling them. Super. - That lonely sound of one. - [Wil] Yep, here it goes. - [Nika] Hunting! - [Wil] Uh, that gets you two. - [Nika] Nice. - [Jordan] Eight, plus. - And you can just add five to that, which is 13. - Now I'm gonna turn around and use all five of my wood on that hut. - [Wil] Okay, so that hut is now worth 15 points to you. - [Nika] Wow. - And now Nika, you are up. - Let's with baby making first! You wanna, would you do the honors? Midwife Wheaton. - That's what I'm doing. - Are you going to hunt now? - Yes. - Alright. - I believe that I shall hunt first. - Yes, very well, okay. Do you have enough dice? Are there enough dice in this game for you to hunt with your hunting guys? - There should be other games around, to just, in case we need to borrow a few. - We can just pull them. (laughs) - [Wil] Oh God. You're at five, go ahead and roll. - [Jesse] Nika babies! - Bam! - What? (laughs) - How is that even possible? - [Nika] I am such a wizard! - [Jordan] 22. - You get 11 food. If I may dust off an old gem, this is bull (beeps). - Okay. - Okay, and now are you going to pay four for that guy? - [Nika] Absolutely. - [Wil] Okay. Now, I will bring this worker back, and he's going to upgrade my tool from a three to a four, which is fantastic. These three guys here are going to go do a little quarry-ing for some stone. - [Jesse] Wow. - Oh my heavens. - Alright, well you've had the four, it could've been worse. (beeps) - [Wil] Stone on three (beeps) guys, which is super (beeps) great. I've been responsible, I've put education first. Meanwhile, I live next door to (beeps) Mc(beeps), who's just like, "Oh, a baby! Oh, a baby! "Oh, a baby! Here's a baby! "Oh no, how am I gonna get food? "How am I gonna feed this other (beeps) baby I made? "Oh, I know!" (soft piano music) Foods just gonna (beeps) fly out of the sky. (soft piano music) And oh, I don't have enough for that after all, because it's TableTop and I'm rolling dice. - This maybe, this is all my fault, I admit it. (Wil makes beeping sounds) - Well, me from a month ago? Hello? Is this Wil Wheaton from the future? Remember how you thought playing stone age was gonna be super fun, because it's a great game that you love and you actually have a chance at winning? Yes, tell me, how does the game work out? Don't do it, don't do it! Oh and also make sure that you pick up Stone IPI on the way home, because you're out. Hello? Hello? Future me's a jerk. Hey everybody let's feed our families. I'm sure that's gonna be really hard for you, because you have so many of 'em. - I might go full. - [Jesse] Wow. - Don't judge me! I'm at a certain point where I don't know anything else to do except make babies. But apparently, this is working. - These two stone on a boat. I'm not real crazy about having to go for civilization points, but it's pretty much all I can do at this point. Hopefully it will work. I'd say you got 10. - 56, 71. - [Wil] Alright. There's so much comeuppance on me, I feel like I've played Stone Age Bukkake. - And I helped! - It's going, it's going, oh it could anywhere. Where's it going? - Where's it going? - No, it's certainly not. - Man, that rabbit sure does love to waste time. - I'm going to end the game right now. This has to happen. - I don't want to spoil the game, but that's a c-c-c-combo bonus on my houses, and noone else sees that. I hope that pays off. - So in the end game, I'm thinking I'm gonna rush huts. Two huts, if I can just get those two huts, then I think I can take it. We'll see. - Alright, all of our guys have been placed. Nika, what order are you going to make your moves, Miss Harper? - Gold first, do gold. - [Nika] I'm not going to go gold first. Three. - That's gonna, that'll work for ya. - I'm gonna need some stone. - 13 and stone costs five, so you get two stone because of course you do. - Because reasons, okay. - Don't do this to us. Don't do this to us. - I am so terrified. ^- [Jordan] For once. - [Jesse] Please don't. Oh thank God. - [Wil] Ten, 15, gets you. - [Jesse] 16. - 16, because you have the hammer gets you two gold. - [Jesse] That's all she needs. - That's all you needed. (Jordan sighs) - [Nika] Okay, I did this. - These guys come back, alright. - I'm gonna end the game. - You are. Go ahead. - Only two, right, right? - [Wil] That costs you... - [Nika] Tell me I'm not crazy - Yep, that's an awfully fancy house. You know what happened? Your giant disgusting tribe sold a reality show and now you can afford a house. So you are on 15. - We also became sentient. - [Wil] Plus 14, gets you to uh, 29. Now you're gonna build this house here. - That's a guy, one, two, three. - Okay, so that's that, and gets you another 15, which takes you to... - [Jesse] That's disgusting. That's (grunts). - [Wil] Uh, 29, 39, 44. - Oh my God, the game's about to end, am I winning? Is this what winning feels like? - First thing I will do is have this weird creepy thing show up, I don't know what that's all about, but that's strange. - It doesn't even get to work. - No, it's fine, I don't care. Increase my agriculture by one please, sir, if you would. This guy back to increase this tool to two, and my turn is done. - Wood, give it to me! - [Wil] Uh, that's gonna be 11. - And your tool. ^- [Wil] 13, gives you... Four... - [Jesse] That's fine. That's all I need. - Roulette. - Roulette time. - You got it, yeah, yeah. - Actually first I'll do this. - Yep, okay. - Turn that in. - Yep, okay, you pay for that. You get that boat. - And will you move me to five on there? - [Wil] Oh that's a lot of points for you, yep, alright. - It's time for roulette. (Nika hums The Price Is Right theme) - Please, help me out here. - [Jesse] Oh my God. (laughs) - [Jordan] What? - [Jesse] That's what I needed! - You get agriculture, you get agriculture! - Three sixes is agriculture and this one is a piece of wood. (laughs) - Have you done quite enough? - I think I've done just enough, sir. - [Wil] Great! - Thank you for inviting me. - Super, okay, terrific, pass the cup down the table. (beeps) king (beeps) in the (beeps) noxious (beeps) (soft music) - I have to get lucky here, so I'm gonna roll for clay first and I need to get two pieces. - [Jesse] Oh my God. - [Jordan] Seven. Eight. - You got it, you got it, you got it. You need to roll. - I just need to roll a one, 'cause I still have that. - [Wil] Yeah. Come on, roll a one! - [Jesse] Hey! - [Jordan] That was close enough. - You can't even roll a one, bro. - [Jesse] Well, and you got it, you got those two. - I did it, so now I have, yeah, both the huts. - [Nika] Nice, wow, nice, wow. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. - He may have edged you out of the lead. - I'm cool with it. - The exact amount that I needed. - Alright, that, you're going to get 12 plus 13 is 25 points. Everyone, the game is over. It is time to total our points. - And one civilization card. - You wrecked us, holy... - [Jordan] Oh. - [Nika] What is that? - Ladies and gentleman, if I may now announce the final scoring. In first place, Jordan Maron, with 119. - I didn't expect that at all. - Tied for second, so wonderfully appropriate, Jesse and Nika, and in last place where I belong... (Nika laughs) (Jesse laughs) - Hey, that means we still won. - [Wil] Jordan, congratulations. - Thank you! - Yay! - You played a brilliant game, and I will see you at the Winner's Wall. (triumphant fanfare) - My friends, because now that the game is over, we are once again friends. Normally I come here, I offer some words of comfort to the losers, let them know that a game was well played, and other platitudes. I will say, you deserve to be here. I'm so delighted that you are here. You cannot defeat me, you can only hope to contain me. I am now going to the Wall of Victory, and before I leave, I will say please avoid any aggressive breeding on the couch. - Good job, stay there. - Jordan, you deserve to be here. - Thank you. - Not because you won the game, because you were the only player in the game who did not deliberately target me. - Okay. - Listen, this season on TableTop, we are doing something very special for all of our winners. It is my great pleasure to present to you today the TableTop Trophy of Awesome, just for you! - This is amazing. - Right? Yep, I know, you love it, okay. I'm gonna make it even better. I'm going to engrave your name on it. - That's an amazing engraver. New technology right there, hmm. - [Wil] There you go. - [Jordan] That's beautiful. - If you would like to make a victory speech, you may do so now. - Um, well, I somehow won, I guess, and I'm happy about it. Didn't really know what I was doing, but I'll pretend that I did. Great strategies win great games, thanks everyone. - A magnificent speech for the ages. Thanks a lot of watching and until next time, play more games. (8-bit and piano music)