State Magazine

Transcription

(Chris Herren): A lot of people wrote me off. A lot of people said, "Forget about him, he's done." And I wasn't. I might've looked like it, I might've acted like it, but I had — I had something left in the tank. Who am I? I'm a recovering heroin addict. I'm a father, a husband. I’m a proud Fresno State Bulldog. Six and a half years sober. The one thing is, I'm here to address a topic. The purpose of my visit, obviously, is prevention for kids. You know, it’d be nice to come here and tell you how good things are. But, that's not why I'm here. You know, I'm here to help. I'm here to help people who are struggling, and families who have people struggling. I'm here to make that connection for them. Fresno is a home to me. It’s hard to put into words the emotional connection I have. When I walked in here, I envision the tunnel. I envision running around the court. And all the people who came out to Selland Arena every night we played, you know, and cheered. It was something about that 10,800. It was just that—the smell of it, there was build-up. [public cheering] And I miss it, I miss Selland, and I'm happy that these kids have this, and I'm happy Coach Tark has his number up on this place. He wholeheartedly cared about this community and this was a home—this was his home and he wanted to make it, make it right and special. So, to see the community give back to him, it means the world to me. It was an exciting time, but it was a tough time. Too many off court distractions that he couldn't—Coach Tark on his best day, couldn't handle us, you know, and corral all of us to be on our best behavior. I let Fresno State down. I let my teammates down. I let Coach Tarkanian down. I let the community down in critical moments. Albeit that I had an illness that I was really struggling with, it was a letdown. And I should've— I wish I could've—been there, you know. Coming back here, six and a half years later, it's an amends for me. It's a way to say how grateful I am for this community, for Fresno State, for the basketball program. I gave it my all that I had. Looking back, I wish I gave more. You know, my business today traveling around and addressing this, I get called into NFL locker rooms, MBA locker rooms, college football locker rooms. And kids who did what I did are usually tossed aside, are usually never let back in. And I was. And that forever will hold a special place in my heart. At 18 years old I took that dollar bill, I bent down, I did the line of cocaine, I got up and I walked right out. I had no idea at 18 years old, when I promised myself just one time, that, that one line would take 14 years to walk away from. I had no idea I'd be 32 years old with two beautiful children, a wife who was 8 months pregnant, still walking around with rolled up dollar bills in my pocket. You know, in this country there're 25 million Americans struggling. And to be quite honest with you, that means there’re 100 million family members that have to watch the struggle. What's sad about addiction is, is that, we often look down on the addict and we forget the family that's trying to pick them up. We step over them on the street and we forget about the family who has to drive by and watch them lying there. It's a family illness and that's why, if you can help one, you've helped so many. And that's why we have to get better as a society and embrace this illness that people deserve second chances. You know, I was given so many here, I learned a second chance in Fresno. I've accomplished a lot athletically, but, the one thing in my life, that only record I care about, that doesn't hang up on a wall, is that for the last six and a half years my children have had the same father. I have to believe that I’m worth the life I'm living today, in order to be a father, a husband, a friend ... that has to come first. Yeah, it's great, it's great to be able to look at a mirror and say, "You know, you’re okay.” It’s great to be able to look at your reflection and be proud of it. Obviously we all have bad days. But it took me 13 years to look in a mirror, you know, comfortably. And in my life today, I'm okay with that. I live one day at a time, so I can't tell you where I'm going, and when I live that way, there're no ceilings in my life today. There're no, there're no stops. And for the last six and a half years, I've been able to be me, and I'm proud of that. And that's the beauty of recovery.