Matilda's Legacy

Transcription

YOU BEEN HAVING CHEST PAINS LATELY? RANDALL: SOMETIMES MY HEART BEATS FUNNY AND I HAVE TROUBLE BREATHING, BUT NO PROBLEMS OTHER THAN THAT. DR. CLINKSCALE: I WANT YOU TO COME IN TOMORROW. I'D LIKE TO RUN SOME TESTS. RANDALL: AS LONG AS IT WON'T TAKE TOO LONG. I'M A VERY BUSY MAN. I SERVE THE COMMUNITY, AND WITHOUT MY WORK, THE ENTIRE INFRASTRUCTURE WOULD FALL APART. RANDALL'S VOICE: DEAR PRESIDENT WALLACE, YOU MAY NOT KNOW ME BY NAME, BUT I'M SURE YOU'RE FAMILIAR WITH MY WORK. EVERY DAY EXCEPT SUNDAY. SOME PEOPLE MIGHT CALL ME A WORKAHOLIC, BUT I STILL KNOW HOW TO HAVE A LITTLE FUN. BECAUSE FOR ME, WORK IS FUN. I GET TO BE OUT IN THE SUNSHINE. GROUNDSKEEPER: HOWDY, RANDALL! RANDALL'S VOICE: I MAKE LOTS OF FRIENDS. BUT BEST OF ALL, I KNOW THAT I'M MAKING A DIFFERENCE. BECAUSE WITHOUT PARKING ENFORCEMENT, THERE WOULD BE COMPLETE CHAOS, AND THERE'S NOTHING WORSE THAN THAT. PROFESSOR GRIFFIN: THANK YOU. RANDALL'S VOICE: BUT DON'T THINK MY LIFE'S ALL FUN AND GAMES. I STILL HAVE MY CROSSES TO BEAR. TODD: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? RANDALL: I'M A PARKING ENFORCEMENT OFFICER. IT'S MY DUTY TO ENFORCE PARKING. TODD: WELL, THIS IS MY TRUCK. YOU DO KNOW WHO I AM? RANDALL: OH, YEAH, YOU'RE TODD AMSTELL, THE O TECH QUARTERBACK. THAT WAS A GREAT GAME LAST WEEKEND. I'M RANDALL. TODD: THANKS, RANDALL. THAT'S ONE FOR THE TEAM. RANDALL: I'M SURE YOU'RE AWARE THAT YOU JUST COMMITTED THREE PARKING VIOLATIONS. TODD: REALLY? HOW AWFUL. LET ME SEE THAT. RANDALL: I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND THE SERIOUSNESS OF THE SITUATION. WHAT IF THERE WAS A FIRE, AND AN EMERGENCY VEHICLE COULDN'T GET THROUGH? TODD: WELL, THEN I GUESS WE'D ALL JUST BURN UP. RANDALL'S VOICE: I DON'T WORRY TOO MUCH ABOUT THE TROUBLEMAKERS THOUGH. BECAUSE WHEN I TURN IN MY CARBON COPIES AT THE END OF THE DAY, EVERYONE GETS TREATED THE SAME. AND BESIDES, NO MATTER HOW STRESSED OUT I GET, WHEN SIX O'CLOCK ROLLS AROUND, I GET TO UNWIND AT MY FAVORITE PLACE ON EARTH. OLI: RANDALL! I'M OUT OF TOMATOES. RANDALL: WOW. OLI: EARTH TO RANDALL. WHAT'LL IT BE TODAY, THE USUAL? RANDALL: YEAH, CHICKEN SALAD SANDWICH ON WHOLE WHEAT AND -- BRENDA/RANDALL: HOLD THE TOMATOES. OLI: SO HOW'S THE NEW SCHOOL YEAR TREATING YOU? THOSE KIDS STILL GIVING YOU HELL? RANDALL: SAME AS LAST YEAR, EXCEPT NOW THERE'S A WHOLE NEW BATCH OF SMART ALECKS THINK THAT CAN GET AWAY WITH MURDER. OLI: YOU WANNA SEE ASSHOLES, TRY WORKING IN A SANDWICH SHOP. RANDALL: HI, BRENDA. BRENDA: ANYTHING ELSE TODAY, MR. ZIMMERMAN? RANDALL: NO, THAT'LL DO IT. HEY, HOW DO YOU CUT SO SMOOTH? BRENDA: EXCUSE ME? RANDALL: WELL, THE TOMATOES. I NEVER REALLY CARED FOR THEM MYSELF, BUT YOU CUT THEM SO PERFECTLY, LIKE A DANCER. BRENDA: MOST PEOPLE DON'T NOTICE. RANDALL: WELL, THEY SHOULD. BRENDA: BYE, RANDALL. RANDALL: BYE. TODD: HEY, LOSER, WHY DON'T YOU TRY TICKETING MY ASS? FOOTBALL PLAYER: OOPS, SORRY! JAY: OH, YEAH? WELL, WHY DON'T YOU COME BACK HERE, AND MAYBE I WILL! [BRAKES SCREECHING] TODD: WHAT DID YOU SAY? JAY: GREAT GAME LAST WEEKEND. WAY TO BEAT TEXAS. FOOTBALL PLAYER: HEY, TODD, DUDE, LET'S JUST GO. SECOND FOOTBALL PLAYER: HE'S JUST A LOUSY JANITOR ANYWAY. RANDALL: YOU ALMOST GOT YOURSELF KILLED! JAY: I COULD HAVE TAKEN THEM. OH, NO. NO, DON'T WORRY, DON'T WORRY. I GOT THE STUFF RIGHT HERE. I GOT JUST THE THING. HEY, WE STILL ON FOR TONIGHT? RANDALL: I'VE GOT TO DO THE WHOLE BIRTHDAY AT MOM'S HOUSE. JAY: BUT RAN, IT'S DEATH SKATE 3000 TURBO EDITION. RANDALL: YEAH, SASHA'D KILL ME IF I DIDN'T GO. JAY: IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY. RANDALL: I'M SORRY, JAY. JAY: FINE, I'LL COME OVER AND WE'LL PLAY IT THERE. RANDALL: OH, YOU KNOW MOM DOESN'T REALLY -- JAY: AWESOME. RANDALL: NO, BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T -- JAY: I SAID AWESOME. RANDALL: OKAY. RANDALL'S VOICE: THERE'S JUST ONE THING IN MY LIFE THAT REALLY IRKS ME -- THE PARKING ENFORCEMENT LOOPHOLE. YOU CAN'T BE TICKETED FOR PARKING IN FRONT OF A BROKEN METER. OLD OHS4957 HAS BEEN IN THAT SPOT FOR OVER A YEAR NOW. I HAVE NO IDEA WHO HE IS OR WHERE HE CAME FROM. BUT I DO KNOW ONE THING. I WILL NOT REST UNTIL THAT METER IS FIXED AND JUSTICE IS SERVED. [KNOCKING] MR. CHESWORTH: OH, RANDALL, GET IN HERE. DO YOU THINK THIS MOUSTACHE LOOKS GOOD? RANDALL: UM, I GUESS. MR. CHESWORTH: MAYBE A LITTLE THICKER, HUH? RANDALL: MR. CHESWORTH, THERE'S SOMETHING I NEED TO ASK YOU. MR. CHESWORTH: IT'S NOT ABOUT THAT DAMN METER AGAIN, IS IT? RANDALL: IT'S JUST THAT, WELL, YOU SAID THAT IT WOULD GET FIXED. MR. CHESWORTH: RANDALL, YOU KNOW I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER IT. ALL I CAN TELL YOU TO DO IS JUST -- RANDALL: I KNOW, I KNOW. WRITE ANOTHER LETTER TO PRESIDENT WALLACE. MR. CHESWORTH: IF YOU WANT TO GET THE PROBLEM FIXED, YOU'VE GOT TO TALK TO THE BIGWIGS. THEY'RE THE ONLY ONES WITH THE POWER TO GET THINGS DONE. RANDALL: IF ONLY IT WERE THAT EASY. MR. CHESWORTH: AW, SHIT, THAT STUFF'S PERMANENT. RANDALL'S VOICE: SASHA AND I HAVE BEEN GOING OUT FOR THREE YEARS, AND SHE STILL DOESN'T KNOW THAT I DON'T LIKE TOMATOES. I NEVER HAD THE HEART TO TELL HER. SASHA: I HOPE YOU'RE HUNGRY, BECAUSE WE ARE GOING TO HAVE ONE KILLER MEAL. SALADE DE TOMATES -- IT'S FRENCH. RANDALL'S VOICE: FORTUNATELY, I WAS STILL FULL FROM THE SANDWICH. MY SECOND FAVORITE PART OF THE DAY. SASHA: I BROUGHT YOUR MAIL IN. OH, LOOK! ASHLEY AND JOEL ARE GETTING MARRIED. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT, RANDALL? WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THEM GETTING MARRIED? RANDALL: THAT'S NICE. WE SHOULD PROBABLY GET THEM SOMETHING. SASHA: WHY WON'T YOU MARRY ME, RANDALL? I MEAN, WE PRACTICALLY LIVE TOGETHER ALREADY. MY DOCTOR SAYS IT'S BECAUSE YOU DON'T LOVE ME ENOUGH. HE SAYS MEN USE PROCRASTINATION AND FEAR OF COMMITMENT AS A CRUTCH, AS A WAY TO HOLD ONTO CERTAIN BENEFITS, WHILE STILL REMAINING AVAILABLE FOR WHEN THE RIGHT WOMAN DOES COME ALONG. IS THAT TRUE? RANDALL, ARE YOU JUST USING ME AS A PLACE HOLDER? RANDALL: I JUST DON'T SEE ANY POINT IN RUSHING THINGS, THAT'S ALL. TV ANNOUNCER: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, TONIGHT IS A SPECIAL NIGHT, BECAUSE NOT ONLY AM I REDUCING THE PRICE BY HALF -- I AM ALSO GOING TO THROW IN THE HORSE CLOCK FOR FREE. [HORSE WHINNYING] JUST THINK, EVERY HOUR A DIFFERENT HORSE SOUND, BUT ONLY IF YOU CALL NOW. [DOORBELL] TV ANNOUNCER: OPERATORS ARE STANDING BY. CORINNA: RANDALL! I MADE HAMBURGER GRAVY, YOUR FAVORITE. SASHA: HE GAVE HIM A TICKET. RANDALL: YEAH, I GAVE HIM THREE CITATIONS. HE WAS VERY RECKLESSLY PARKED. CORINNA: WOW, MY BOY TICKETED THE O TECH QUARTERBACK. AFTER THE PRESENTS WE CAN GET OUT THE PHOTO ALBUM. RANDALL WAS SUCH A CUTE BABY. SASHA: YOU'VE HARDLY TOUCHED YOUR SALAD. RANDALL: OH, I'M SAVING THE BEST FOR LAST. [KNOCK ON DOOR] CORINNA: I'LL GET IT. [LOUD ROCK MUSIC] CORINNA: TURN THAT GARBAGE DOWN! LOOK, CAN'T YOU SEE WE'VE GOT NEIGHBORS? JAY: IS RANDALL HOME? RAN MY MAN! RANDALL: HEY, JAY. CORINNA: HOW'S YOUR MOTHER, JACOB? JAY: AWESOME. RANDALL, GUESS WHAT I BROUGHT? ARE YOU READY TO KICK SOME ASS? CORINNA: JACOB! JAY: I'M SORRY, MRS. ZIMMERMAN. RANDALL: UM, WE HAVEN'T DONE THE CAKE YET. CORINNA: WE'LL SAVE YOU SOME. GO ON. YOU CAN USE YOUR FATHER'S TELEVISION. GOODNESS KNOWS THERE'S NO RECEPTION WHERE HE'S AT. JAY: I GET PLAYER B! RANDALL: OH, NO! SASHA: HAPPY -- CORINNA: OH, THEY'LL BE BACK. THEY DO LOVE THOSE GAMES. [VIDEO GAME GUNSHOTS] JAY: COME ON, BRING IT. OH, YEAH! YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD BEAT ME! TAKE THAT, PUSSY! HEY, WHAT'S THE MATTER, RAN? IT'S JUST A GAME. RANDALL: YEAH, START OVER. DR. CLINKSCALE: I'LL BE FRANK. IT'S NOT GOOD. YOU HAVE IDIOPATHIC CARDIOMYOPATHY. IT'S A BAD HEART. I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG IT'LL LAST. IT MAY BE A YEAR. COULD HAPPEN TOMORROW. ORDINARILY, WE WOULD OPT FOR A HEART TRANSPLANT. THE TROUBLE IS YOU'RE AB NEGATIVE -- NEXT TO IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND A SUITABLE DONOR. HERE, TAKE THIS. I KNOW IT MAY TAKE A WHILE FOR THIS TO SINK IN, BUT THERE ARE SEVERAL SUPPORT GROUPS WHO CAN HELP YOU. IT'S ALL THERE IN THE BOOK. DO YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS FOR ME? RANDALL: IS THIS GOING TO AFFECT MY WORK? DR. CLINKSCALE: YOU DO UNDERSTAND WHAT THE WORD TERMINAL MEANS? RANDALL: I KNOW. BUT BEFORE I DIE, IS IT OKAY TO WORK UNTIL THEN? DR. CLINKSCALE: JUST TAKE IT EASY, OKAY? NOW WHAT ABOUT YOUR FAMILY? YOU WANT ME TO TELL THEM? RANDALL: NO. NO, I'LL DO IT. DR. CLINKSCALE: GOOD, GOOD. I'D LIKE TO GET YOU A DEFIBRILLATOR AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. IT REQUIRES AN OPERATION. HOW DOES TOMORROW AFTERNOON LOOK FOR YOU? RANDALL'S VOICE: IT'S A LITTLE WEIRD FINDING OUT YOU'RE GOING TO DIE. NOT WHAT YOU'D EXPECT. THEN AGAIN, I GUESS WE'RE ALL TERMINAL IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER. SASHA: I'M SPENDING THE NIGHT. HOPE YOU DON'T MIND LEFTOVERS. HOW WAS YOUR DAY? RANDALL: YOU KNOW, THE USUAL. RANDALL'S VOICE: THERE WAS JUST ONE THING I JUST COULDN'T GET OUT OF MY HEAD. I HAD TO GET THAT METER FIXED, BEFORE IT WAS TOO LATE. RANDALL: MR. CHESWORTH? I'M SORRY TO BOTHER YOU. MR. CHESWORTH: NO PROBLEM. I COULD USE A BREAK. GREAT JOB OUT THERE TODAY. YOU FILLED UP TWO WHOLE TICKET BOOKS. OH, BUT YOU MIGHT WANT TO TAKE IT EASY ON THE FOOTBALL TEAM THOUGH, HUH? RANDALL: MR. CHESWORTH, THIS IS THE 12TH LETTER THAT I'VE WRITTEN PRESIDENT WALLACE. WOULD YOU PLEASE MAKE SURE THAT HE GETS IT? MR. CHESWORTH: OH, YEAH. YOU KNOW, THAT'S WHAT I LIKE ABOUT YOU, RANDALL. ALWAYS A GO-GETTER. TODD: HEY, METER MAID. I SAID, METER MAID. RANDALL: ACTUALLY, WE ACTUALLY REFER TO OURSELVES AS PARKING ENFORCEMENT OFFICERS. TODD: WELL, I HEARD YOU REPORTED ME TO THE MAN. RANDALL: I TREATED YOU NO DIFFERENT THAN I TREAT EVERYONE ELSE. TODD: YEAH, WELL, I'M NOT EVERYONE ELSE. I'M TODD AMSTELL. YOU GOT THAT? PROFESSOR GRIFFIN: THEY'RE ALL THE SAME. MY STUDENTS, FOR INSTANCE. THEY PAY ALL THIS MONEY TO COME HERE, AND YET WHEN YOU ASSIGN THEM A SIMPLE POEM TO READ, THEY ACT AS IF YOU'VE ASKED THEM TO SLIT THEIR WRISTS. I'M GLAD YOU'RE ABLE TO STAND UP TO THEM. IT TAKES CHARACTER. RANDALL: PEOPLE WALK ALL OVER YOU IF YOU LET THEM. PROFESSOR GRIFFIN: WELL, WE ALL FACE UPHILL BATTLES IN THE ARCHAIC HIERARCHY OF UNIVERSITY LIFE. I LIVE IN A TWO BEDROOM CONDO, FOR INSTANCE -- FIT WITH WALK-IN CLOSETS AND STATE-OF-THE-ART APPLIANCES, GRANTED -- BUT PRESIDENT WALLACE LIVES OVER THERE. HAS HE EVER TAUGHT A CLASS? EVER COMFORTED A CRYING STUDENT? THEN WHY THE OVERWHELMING DISPARITY? POLITICS, MY BOY. PURE POLITICS. SOMETHING THE MATTER? RANDALL: PROFESSOR GRIFFIN, YOU'RE A VERY LEARNED MAN. PROFESSOR GRIFFIN: WELL, SOME MIGHT SAY THAT TWO MASTERS AND A PH.D. CONSTITUTE "LEARNED." RANDALL: DO YOU KNOW MUCH ABOUT -- I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO PEOPLE AFTER THEY DIE? PROFESSOR GRIFFIN: THINKING OF OLD MORTALITY, ARE WE? OF COURSE, SOMEONE IN YOUR POSITION MUST SURELY SEE THE OMNIPRESENCE OF LIFE'S TICKING CLOCK. THE PARKING METER. YOU CAN KEEP FEEDING IT QUARTERS, BUT EVENTUALLY, YOU'LL RUN OUT OF CHANGE, AND THEN WHAT HAPPENS? RANDALL: THE METER EXPIRES. PROFESSOR GRIFFIN: EXACTLY. JOHN DONNE. I WAS GOING TO GIVE IT TO MY STUDENTS, BUT WHY BOTHER? WOMAN: YOU IN LINE? RANDALL: YEAH. TREVOR: WHITE OR WHEAT? RANDALL: YOU'RE NOT BRENDA. TREVOR: NO SHIT. WHAT DO YOU WANT ON YOUR SANDWICH? RANDALL: I'LL JUST HAVE A WATER? AS EAST AND WEST IN ALL FLAT MAPS AND I AM ONE -- ARE ONE, SO DEATH DOTH TOUCH RESURRECTION -- BRENDA: NO TOMATOES. RANDALL: WOW. BRENDA: JUST THE WAY YOU LIKE IT. RANDALL: I'VE NEVER SEEN ONE SO PERFECT. SOMEBODY OUGHT TO FRAME THAT. I CAN'T. I'VE GOT TO GO IN FOR SURGERY TODAY, AND I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO EAT ANYTHING. BRENDA: OH. WHAT ARE YOU READING? RANDALL: UM, IT'S JUST SOMETHING THAT A FRIEND GAVE ME. BRENDA: YOU KNOW, I USED TO KNOW A LITTLE POETRY MYSELF. TIGER, TIGER, BURNING BRIGHT IN THE FORESTS OF THE NIGHT WHAT IMMORTAL HAND OR EYE RANDALL/BRENDA: COULD FRAME THY FEARFUL SYMMETRY? BRENDA: YOU KNOW IT? RANDALL: SURE. I ALWAYS DID LOVE TIGERS. BRENDA: YEAH, ME TOO. [LOUD ROCK MUSIC] RANDALL: DO YOU MIND? JAY: SORRY. I DIDN'T REALIZE I WAS GIVING A RIDE TO THE CHIEF DEPUTY OF THE NOISE PATROL. RANDALL: YOU WANT A SANDWICH. JAY: SWEET! WHAT KIND? RANDALL: IT'S CHICKEN SALAD. HEY, I NEED YOU TO DO ME FAVOR. I NEED A RIDE TO THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE. JAY: AGAIN? RANDALL: I GOT TO HAVE A TOOTH PULLED. RANDALL: HOW MANY KINDS OF HEPATITIS ARE THERE ANYWAY? JAY: JUST PUT NO. JUST NO FOR EVERYTHING. RANDALL: NO, I HAVE TO READ IT FIRST. [DRUMMING SOUNDS] YOU KNOW, I TOLD YOU YOU DON'T HAVE TO STICK AROUND HERE. IT'S PROBABLY GONNA BE A FEW HOURS. JAY: OH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING, LIKE, A ROOT CANAL? NURSE: ALMOST FINISHED, MR. ZIMMERMAN? RANDALL: ALL DONE. [PHONE RINGS] CORINNA: HELLO? JAY: YES! SASHA: WHERE'S RANDALL? JAY: RELAX. HE'S WITH THE DENTIST. SASHA: LET ME GUESS -- HE DIDN'T TELL YOU EITHER. RANDALL IS DYING! JAY: WHOA! CORINNA: AM I TOO LATE? SASHA: I JUST GOT HERE. NURSE: RANDALL IS OUT OF SURGERY NOW. WAIT, NO, YOU CAN'T GO BACK THERE! EXCUSE ME! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO -- SASHA: DEAR GOD, RANDALL, I HAD NO IDEA. CORINNA: MY BABY, MY PRECIOUS BABY. JAY: DUDE, THAT NURSE WAS HOT! SASHA: I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS A LOT, AND I KNOW WHAT YOU NEED TO DO. CORINNA: WE CAN DO SOMETHING. I KNOW WE CAN FIGHT THIS. JAY: MAN, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU GOT TO DO? I MEAN, BEFORE YOU DIE? CORINNA: WE ARE GONNA FIND A CURE. JAY: LIVE, BABY. LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST! SASHA: I WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABY. DR. CLINKSCALE: HELLO, RANDALL. LOOKS LIKE YOU HAD A NICE NAP. NOW I WANT TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU EAT HEALTHY. TRY TO AVOID STRESS. OH, YOU REALLY SHOULD GO TO THAT SUPPORT GROUP I MENTIONED. IT'S NICE TO HAVE SOMEBODY TO TALK TO AT A TIME LIKE THIS. NOT GOOD TO BE ALONE. SASHA: WELL, NATURALLY, I'LL TAKE IT OVER FROM HERE. CORINNA: WELL, THAT MAKES PERFECT SENSE. SASHA: RANDALL'S A GROWN MAN. HE NEEDS THE LOVE OF HIS WOMAN TO GET HIM THROUGH THIS. JAY: COOL IT, LADIES. I KNOW WHAT RAN NEEDS, AND IT AIN'T APPROPRIATE FOR YOUNG VIEWERS. NURSE: YOU SURE THERE'S NOT SOMEONE I CAN CALL TO COME PICK YOU UP? RANDALL: NO, I'M OKAY. RANDALL'S VOICE: I PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE TOLD THEM EARLIER. I JUST DIDN'T WANT THEM TO WORRY. [PHONE RINGS] SASHA: NO, HE ISN'T HERE EITHER. I'LL CALL JAY. [PHONE RINGS OVER LOUD ROCK MUSIC] TREVOR: CLOSING TIME. BRENDA: WAIT! YOU CAN STAY WHILE I CLEAN UP. HE'S A FRIEND OF MINE. RANDALL: ARE YOU SURE IT'S OKAY? I DON'T WANT TO BREAK ANY RULES. BRENDA: THERE'S NO RULE. IS SOMETHING WRONG? RANDALL: HOW DID YOU KNOW? IT'S LIKE YOU CAN READ MY MIND. BRENDA: WELL, YOU'VE BEEN STARING AT THE TABLE FOR THE LAST THREE HOURS. RANDALL: IT'S JUST THAT -- WELL, THERE'S THIS METER THAT'S BEEN BROKEN FOR YEARS, AND IT'S RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE DEPARTMENT OF TRANSPORTATION. BRENDA: WHY DOESN'T ANYBODY FIX IT? RANDALL: HANG ON. IT GETS WORSE. NORMALLY, A PERSON CAN ONLY OCCUPY A SPACE FOR TWO HOURS. WELL, THERE'S BEEN A CAR PARKED THERE FOR OVER A YEAR. BRENDA: WELL, THAT'S NOT FAIR. EVERYONE SHOULD GET TWO HOURS. RANDALL: EXACTLY. THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL PEOPLE. BRENDA: YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD DO? YOU SHOULD TELL WALLACE. RANDALL: THE PRESIDENT? BRENDA: SURE, JUST MARCH RIGHT OVER TO HIS HOUSE. TELL HIM THE SITUATION. HE'LL FIX IT. RANDALL: THERE'S A CHAIN OF COMMAND. I CAN'T GO DIRECTLY TO HIM. BUT I'D LIKE TO FIND THE GUY WHO OWNS THAT CAR. I THINK IF I EXPLAINED THE WAY THINGS ARE TO HIM, I'M SURE HE'D UNDERSTAND. BRENDA: I BET HE WOULD. SASHA: I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW SELFISH HE IS. WE LOOKED EVERYWHERE FOR HIM. I MEAN, HE DIDN'T EVEN TELL ME HE WAS DYING. DID HE THINK IT WOULDN'T AFFECT ME? I'M RUNNING OUT OF TIME. IF I DON'T HAVE A BABY IN THE NEXT SEVEN YEARS, I MAY NOT BE ABLE TO HAVE ONE AT ALL. DR. STIGLETS, ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME? DR. STIGLETS: CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING, SASHA? WHY ARE YOU STILL WITH HIM? I MEAN, AFTER ALL, THERE ARE OTHER FISH IN THE SEA. SASHA: DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE OUT THERE? RANDALL'S A GOOD PERSON, SOMEONE I COULD REALLY SETTLE DOWN WITH. WELL, NOT NOW, BUT THAT'S WHAT'S SO FRUSTRATING. JUST WHEN I THOUGHT I HAD EVERYTHING SETTLED. DR. STIGLETS: YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO MOVE ON TO OTHER PEOPLE. SASHA: NOT YET I DON'T. RANDALL'S VOICE: I WENT HOME MORE INVIGORATED THAN EVER. I KNEW EXACTLY WHAT I HAD TO DO IN THE SHORT TIME I HAD LEFT. RANDALL: WHY ARE YOU PAINTED RED AND YELLOW? JAY: IT'S BURGUNDY AND GOLD, RANDALL. AND YOU CALL YOURSELF A FAN. RANDALL: THE DISPATCH OFFICE IS THAT WAY. JAY: CHECK THE GLOVEBOX. RANDALL: WHY? JAY: CHECK OUT THE GLOVEBOX. RANDALL: WHAT ARE THESE FOR? JAY: WHAT DO YOU THINK THEY'RE FOR, WIPING YOUR ASS? NO, THERE ARE TWO THERE, ONE FOR YOU AND ONE FOR ME. RANDALL: NO, I GOT TO WORK TODAY, JAY. IT'S GAME DAY. PEOPLE ARE PARKING ALL OVER THE PLACE. JAY: WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, YOU GONNA WORK UNTIL YOU KEEL OVER? NO, LIVE ON THE RAZOR'S EDGE. RANDALL: NO, I DON'T WANT TO LIVE ON THE RAZOR'S EDGE. I JUST WANT EVERYTHING TO STAY THE WAY THAT IT IS. NO MORE CRAZY PLANS, OKAY? JAY: FINE. RANDALL: I HAD A LITTLE FREE TIME LAST NIGHT. MR. CHESWORTH: NO NEED TO WORRY ABOUT THAT NOW. WE'VE GOT BIGGER PROBLEMS. CORINNA: RANDALL ZIMMERMAN. HOW DARE YOU LEAVE THE HOSPITAL WITHOUT TELLING ANYONE! RANDALL: I'M SORRY, MOM. CORINNA: I LOOKED ALL OVER FOR YOU LAST NIGHT. WHERE WERE YOU? RANDALL: LOOK, MOM, I'VE GOT TO GET TO WORK. SEE, MOM? I CAN HANDLE THIS. TODD: HOW MANY TIMES DO WE HAVE TO DO THIS UNTIL YOU LEARN? CORINNA: YOU PICK THAT UP, LITTER BUG! WERE YOU RAISED IN A BARN? A WAGONMASTER, TOO. YOU OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF. YOU BOYS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ROLE MODELS. WHAT'S YOUR NAME, SON? TODD: TODD AMSTELL. CORINNA: SPEAK UP! TODD: TODD AMSTELL. CORINNA: DON'T I KNOW YOUR MAMA, ABIGAIL AMSTELL? TODD: PLEASE DON'T TELL MY MOTHER. CORINNA: YOU GET BACK IN THAT TRUCK. I'LL CALL YOUR MAMA IN A NEW YORK MINUTE. AND DON'T LET ME HEAR ABOUT YOU ACTING UP AGAIN. RANDALL'S VOICE: WHAT TODD AND MOM DIDN'T KNOW IS THAT THREE TICKETS EQUALS A CITATION RESULTING IN DISCIPLINARY ACTION. I KNEW WHAT I WAS DOING. CORINNA: CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? RANDALL: MOM, CAN YOU PLEASE GO HOME? CORINNA: BUT RANDALL, DON'T YOU WANT ME TO HELP YOU? RANDALL: I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP! IF YOU WANT TO HELP, HERE'S WHAT YOU CAN DO. THE DOCTOR SAID I NEED TO EAT HEALTHY. MAYBE YOU COULD GO FIX SOMETHING. CORINNA: GOOD IDEA. I PASSED A HEALTH FOOD SHOP ON THE WAY OVER. BUT I'M GONNA NEED THE KEY TO YOUR APARTMENT TO GET IN. RANDALL: MY APARTMENT? CORINNA: SO I CAN COOK THE FOOD, SILLY. I'M YOUR MOTHER. LET ME TAKE CARE OF YOU. CORINNA: WHICH OF THESE IS BETTER? ROBIN: DEPENDS WHAT YOU WANT IT FOR. GINSENG IS SUPPOSED TO CURE IMPOTENCE. CORINNA: WHAT ABOUT AN IDIOPATHIC CARDIOMYOPATHY? THE DOCTOR SAYS IT'S FATAL, BUT I THINK WE COULD BEAT IT. ROBIN: I DON'T KNOW. YOU'D PROBABLY WANT SOMETHING STRONGER. CORINNA: WHAT ABOUT THIS ONE? ROBIN: THAT'S FOR CONSTIPATION. CORINNA: YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SUFFER FROM? A BAD ATTITUDE. YOU KEEP THAT UP AND YOU'RE GONNA LOSE YOURSELF A CUSTOMER. EMILE: WHAT PART OF THE MIND/BODY/SOUL ARE YOU WISHING TO HEAL? CORINNA: A HEART. CAN YOU HELP ME? EMILE: WE ARE ALL CONNECTED IN THE WEB OF ETERNAL BEING. BY HELPING YOU, I AM ALSO HELPING MYSELF. CORINNA: DOES THAT MEAN YES? CORINNA: YOU'RE NOT TELLING THE TRUTH. JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE SOME BIG- SHOT DOCTOR DOESN'T MEAN YOU KNOW EVERYTHING. WHAT ABOUT JESUS? WHAT IF A BUNCH OF DOCTORS WERE STANDING THERE LOOKING UP AT HIM ON THE CROSS, BOILING IN THE HOT SUN. DO YOU THINK THEY'D HAVE HAD MUCH HOPE FOR HIS FUTURE? RANDALL: HEY, WHAT'S WITH THE BOXES? CORINNA: OH, I KNOW. I'M STILL UNPACKING, BUT THEY'RE GONNA BE GONE SOON. RANDALL: YOU'RE STAYING? CORINNA: WELL, YEAH, I THINK IT'S FOR THE BEST. THOSE QUACK DOCTORS. THEY AIN'T GOT NOTHING ON A MOTHER'S LOVE. YOU CAN'T LEARN THAT IN MEDICAL SCHOOL. DR. CLINKSCALE, IT'S ME. [DOORBELL RINGS] CORINNA: IF I WANT TO DONATE IT TO MEDICAL SCIENCE, THAT'S MY PREROGATIVE. SASHA: NOW I KNOW YOU'RE NOT THRILLED ABOUT THE IDEA, BUT I MADE A LIST OF SOME KEY POINTS THAT I -- WHAT'S THAT SMELL? RANDALL: MOM'S COOKING. COULD YOU COME BACK A LITTLE BIT LATER? SASHA: TIME IS ONE THING WE DON'T HAVE. CORINNA: OH, HEY, SASHA. YOU STAYING FOR DINNER? SASHA: ACTUALLY -- RANDALL: SASHA, DON'T. SASHA: RANDALL AND I HAVE BEEN TOGETHER A LONG TIME NOW. WE'RE GREAT TOGETHER. SO I WAS THINKING, WHAT IF WE HAD A BABY? I WOULD TAKE CARE OF IT OF COURSE. CORINNA: THAT'S WONDERFUL! YOU KNOW, STUDIES HAVE SHOWN THAT PEOPLE WITH LARGE FAMILIES ARE MORE LIKELY TO LIVE LONGER. IT GIVES THEM MOTIVATION. RANDALL: I HAVE TO GO. SASHA: BUT RANDALL, TONIGHT'S "JEOPARDY" NIGHT. RANDALL: SEE, DOCTOR'S ORDERS. I DON'T WANT TO BE LATE. [CRYING SOUNDS] NOLAN: GOOD, MATILDA. VERY GOOD. REACH OUT AND EMBRACE THE PAIN. ALL RIGHT, WHO'D LIKE TO SHARE NEXT? ANYONE? RANDALL: EXCUSE ME. I'VE GOT TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. SASHA: WELL, THAT DIDN'T WORK. I JUST DON'T GET IT. ISN'T THAT WHAT ALL GUYS WANT, TO SPREAD THEIR SEED? DR. STIGLETS: MAYBE HE'S WORRIED ABOUT HAVING A CHILD HE'LL NEVER GET TO SEE GROW UP. SASHA: BUT HE DOESN'T HAVE TO. THAT'S THE BEAUTY OF IT. ALL HE NEEDS TO DO IS LAY FLAT ON HIS BACK FOR TEN MINUTES. DR. STIGLETS: YOU KNOW, SASHA, MAKING LOVE CAN BE MORE THAN JUST AN ACT OF REPRODUCTION. SO MUCH MORE. SASHA: THAT'S IT! I'LL MAKE MYSELF COMPLETELY IRRESISTIBLE. THAT WAY HE WON'T EVEN HAVE TIME TO THINK ABOUT THE CONSEQUENCES. THANK YOU, DR. STIGLETS! WHAT WOULD I DO WITHOUT YOU? ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ JAY: DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS? RANDALL: A GRAPPLING HOOK. JAY: THAT'S A TRS MILITARY GRAPPLER. IT WAS VOTED BY THE US MILITARY AS THE GRAPPLING HOOK OF CHOICE IN APRIL OF 2004. RANDALL: WHERE'D YOU GET IT, ONE OF THOSE RADIO CALL-IN SHOWS? JAY: NO! NO, I GOT IT AT ADVENTURE SPORTS. FOR YOU! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HAVE ADVENTURES WITH IT. RANDALL: NO, THANKS. I GET ENOUGH ADVENTURE AT WORK. YOU KNOW SOMETHING? I THINK THAT THIS SANDWICH IS THE BEST PART OF MY DAY. RANDALL: YOU KNOW, I DON'T EVEN LIKE MEATBALLS. WHY CAN'T I HAVE THE USUAL? JAY: BECAUSE YOU'RE IN A RUT, MAN. YOU HAVE BECOME SO TIED DOWN TO THIS BORING ROUTINE, AND NOW YOU'RE GONNA DIE BEFORE YOU EVEN GET A CHANCE TO LIVE! RANDALL: COULD YOU JUST KEEP THE WHOLE DEATH THING A LITTLE QUIETER? THERE MAY BE SOME PEOPLE IN THE BACK THAT DIDN'T HEAR YOU. JAY: ALL RIGHT. LOOK, THE FIRST THING WE GOTTA DO, WE GOTTA MAKE A LIST OF ALL THE THINGS THAT YOU'VE EVER WANTED TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE. RANDALL: WHY? JAY: COME ON. HEY, ALL RIGHT, I'LL GO FIRST. SKYDIVING. RANDALL: SKYDIVING? WHY WOULD I WANT TO GO SKYDIVING? [SEXY MUSIC] ♪ CORINNA: SASHA? SASHA: MRS. ZIMMERMAN, I WASN'T EXPECTING YOU. CORINNA: NOW DON'T MIND ME. YOU KIDS JUST DO WHAT YOU NORMALLY DO. IT'S LIKE I'M NOT EVEN HERE. RANDALL: YOU KNOW, THERE'S SOME OF THE THINGS THAT ARE ON THIS LIST I DON'T KNOW ABOUT. I MEAN, ULYSSES? I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO ULYSSES IS. JAY: IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE A MUST- READ. RANDALL: THREE -- I HAVE NO NEED TO SLEEP WITH THREE WOMEN AT THE SAME TIME. JAY: OH, WAIT! I GOT IT. TRAVEL THE WORLD. RANDALL: TRAVEL THE WORLD? JAY: TRAVEL THE WORLD. ALL RIGHT, FINE. YOU WRITE SOMETHING. I'M THE ONE DOING ALL THE WORK OVER HERE. COME ON. THERE HAS GOT TO BE ONE THING THAT YOU HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO. RANDALL: WELL, THERE IS THIS BROKEN METER, AND -- JAY: I AM NOT A MECHANIC, RANDALL. RANDALL: NO, IT'S NOT THAT. I JUST WANT TO GET A LETTER TO PRESIDENT WALLACE. JAY: GREAT. WE CAN USE THE GRAPPLING HOOK. RANDALL: JAY -- JAY: AWESOME! BREAK INTO PRESIDENT WALLACE'S HOUSE. AWESOME! RANDALL: NO, I'M NOT. I'M NOT GOING TO BREAK INTO ANYBODY'S HOUSE. JAY: WE WILL DO IT TOGETHER. RANDALL: IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE THINGS TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE, NOT THINGS THAT GET YOU KILLED. JAY: TOGETHER! TOGETHER! [TV SOUNDS] RANDALL: SASHA? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? SASHA: TONIGHT IS YOUR NIGHT, BIG BOY. WHERE ARE YOU GOING? RANDALL: WELL, I'VE GOT SOME WORK TO DO. SASHA: DO YOU HAVE TO DO THAT NOW? RANDALL: WELL, I JUST GOT TO FINISH TEN MORE LETTERS BEFORE TOMORROW. SASHA: WHY DON'T YOU LET ME HELP? RANDALL: THAT'S A GREAT IDEA. YOU KNOW, I WAS THINKING IF I CAN MAKE THEM LOOK A LITTLE MORE PROFESSIONAL, THEN MAYBE HE -- SASHA: RANDALL, LOOK AT ME. I BOUGHT THIS ESPECIALLY FOR YOU. RANDALL: SHINY. SASHA: WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? WHY DON'T YOU STILL FIND ME ATTRACTIVE? RANDALL: SASHA, YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL. SASHA: THEN WHY DON'T YOU WANT ME? I'M PRACTICALLY THROWING MYSELF AT YOU. RANDALL: I DO WANT YOU. OF COURSE I DO. IT'S -- JUST NOT RIGHT NOW. SASHA: BUT WE ONLY HAVE SIX MORE HOURS OF OVULATION. RANDALL: YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU WERE ON THE PILL. SASHA: I WAS. RANDALL: I TOLD YOU, I DON'T WANT A BABY. CORINNA: SORRY TO INTERRUPT. WHERE'S THE ELECTRIC MIXER? WELL, IF IT'S A PROBLEM, I COULD JUST USE A FORK. [A KNOCK ON THE DOOR] CORINNA: NOT TONIGHT, JAY. IT'S TOO LATE. JAY: BUT RAN AND I HAD PLANS. CORINNA: HE NEEDS HIS REST. YOU'LL HAVE TO COME BACK JAY: HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON IN THERE? CORINNA: THAT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. SASHA: I'M TAKING MY TOP OFF! JAY: OH, SEE, I GOT TO SEE THIS. I GOT TO -- SASHA: PLEASE? I PROMISE I'LL LEAVE THE WHIP OUTSIDE. [GLASS BREAKING] [KNOCKING ON BEDROOM DOOR] CORINNA: SUG, ARE YOU OKAY IN THERE? RANDALL: JAY? JAY: THIS IS HARDER THAN I THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO BE. RANDALL: I THINK YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO WEAR GLOVES. JAY: YEAH, YEAH. CORINNA: RANDALL, OPEN UP. JAY: HEY, LOOK, WHY DON'T YOU JUST COME ON DOWN HERE, OKAY? IT'S GONNA MAKE THIS WHOLE THING A LOT EASIER. RANDALL: MAKE WHAT EASIER? JAY: LIFE, MAN! YOU'VE GOT TO START LIVING IT! CORINNA: OPEN UP! [HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYS] JAY: SOMEONE NEEDS TO PUT THAT BEEYATCH IN HER PLACE. RANDALL: SASHA? NO, SHE'S ALL RIGHT. JAY: WHAT ARE YOU WASTING YOUR TIME WITH HER FOR, MAN? YOU COULD DO SO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT. RANDALL: HER SCRAMBLED EGGS ARE TO DIE FOR. JAY: WHAT? SCRAMBLED EGGS? AH! MAN, YOU NEED TO SEE WHAT A REAL WOMAN CAN DO. [DANCE MUSIC] BARTENDER: ANOTHER MR. PIBB? JAY: RAN MY MAN! HEY, I WANT YOU TO MEET SOME FRIENDS. THIS IS PAPRIKA AND -- RENEE: RENEE. RANDALL: NICE TO MEET YOU. JAY: THESE LOVELY LADIES HAVE NOWHERE TO STAY TONIGHT, SO I SAID THEY COULD STAY WITH US. RANDALL: UM, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT. JAY: AND THEY HAVE A FRIEND. OKAY, ALRIGHT, EXCUSE US. ONE SECOND. EXCUSE US. RANDALL, COME HERE. RANDALL, THIS COST ME TWO WEEKS SALARY, MAN. COME ON, COME ON. DO IT FOR ME. OKAY, IT'S MY DYING WISH. COME ON, HUH? JAY: ALRIGHT, WE'VE GOT SOME WHIPPED CREAM. WE GOT SOME OYSTERS. WE GOT SOME FRILLY THINGS. ANYTHING ELSE WE'RE FORGETTING? RANDALL: BENDER. JAY: ALL RIGHT, RAN! GIVE IT. OH, GOOD. GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT. JAY: SO, I'LL LEAVE YOU TO IT. [LAUGHTER AND VOICES] RENEE: RIGHT FOOT YELLOW! [MORE LAUGHTER] JAY: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE? RANDALL: JAY, I'M SO GLAD YOU CAME BACK. COME ON, YOU CAN JOIN US. I WANT TO SPIN THIS TIME. OKAY. JAY: COME ON! COME ON! RANDALL: NO, YOU HAVE TO WAIT. JAY: COME ON! RANDALL: NO, YOU HAVE TO WAIT FOR ME TO CALL IT. SASHA: HE JUST DOESN'T UNDERSTAND SEX. I MEAN, THERE I WAS, A RAVENOUS BEAST OF PASSION, AND HE WASN'T EVEN REMOTELY INTERESTED. DR. STIGLETS: TELL ME ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE. DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF A PASSIONATE WOMAN? SASHA: WELL, I DON'T THINK I'M REACHING MY FULL POTENTIAL WITH RANDALL, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU MEAN. DR. STIGLETS: FULL POTENTIAL? SASHA: I LOVE HIM, BUT I DON'T LUST HIM. DR. STIGLETS: SASHA, I WANT YOU TO LOOK IN YOUR HEART, WAY DOWN DEEP INSIDE AND TELL ME WHAT IT IS YOU WANT FROM HIM SO BAD? SASHA: A BABY. DR. STIGLETS: IS THAT ALL? [SEXY MUSIC] DR. STIGLETS: SEE YOU NEXT WEEK. SASHA: UNLESS YOU'D LIKE TO MEET SOONER. MAYBE THIS WEEKEND -- DR. STIGLETS: SASHA, I'M THE DOCTOR; YOU'RE THE PATIENT. WE MEET ONCE A WEEK. MR. HUGO? VINCENT: JERKY? I DON'T COME HERE BECAUSE I'M CRAZY. I MEAN, I DO WASH MY HANDS A LOT, BUT THAT'S ALL. [SEXY MUSIC] [CLUNKING SOUND] JAY: AWESOME! RANDALL: AW, JAY! JAY: CAN I GET A LITTLE HELP DOWN HERE? RANDALL: I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS. I JUST FIXED THIS. JAY: JUST A LITTLE BIT. RANDALL: COME ON. WHY CAN'T YOU JUST COME THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE? JAY: BECAUSE LIFE DOESN'T ALWAYS OFFER YOU A FRONT DOOR, MAN! BESIDES, YOUR MOM WON'T LET ME IN. SO HEY, YOU READY FOR THE BIG DAY? RANDALL: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? JAY: FIRST ITEM ON THE AGENDA, BABY -- RATTLESNAKE ROUNDUP. RANDALL: RATTLESNAKE ROUND -- NO, I GOT TO GO TO WORK. JAY: WELL, JUST CALL IN SICK. RANDALL: BUT I FEEL FINE. JAY: NOT, LIKE, REAL SICK, BUT YOU KNOW, LIKE -- [RETCHING SOUND] I'M COOL. RANDALL: NO, I CAN'T LIE. JAY: FINE, I'LL DO IT FOR YOU. RANDALL: OH, NO, JAY! NO, DON'T YOU -- DON'T -- DON'T! JAY: HELLO, BOSS? THIS IS RANDALL. RANDALL: JAY, THAT DOESN'T EVEN SOUND LIKE ME. JAY: HEY, DO YOU WANT MY HELP WITH THIS BROKEN PARKING METER THING OR NOT? JAY: ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, HERE'S THE PLAN. I'M GONNA THROW THIS UP TO THE TOP OF THE FENCE, OKAY? YOU'RE GONNA LATCH ON. YOU'RE GONNA CLIMB UP WHILST I WATCH YOUR BACK. THEN YOU'RE GONNA JUMP DOWN. USE THIS. IT'LL SLOW YOU DOWN. RANDALL: NO. NO, I'M NOT DOING THIS. JAY: OKAY, FINE. I'LL DO THE CLIMBING. HERE WE GO. ONE, TWO -- RANDALL: NO, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! YOU KNOW THIS IS BREAKING AND ENTERING, RIGHT? JAY: THREE! WHATEVER, WHATEVER. NEXT ITEM ON THE AGENDA. [UPBEAT ROCK SONG] ♪ YOU AND I, WE COULD SET THE WORLD ON FIRE ♪ ♪ IF I COULD FIND THE RIGHT WORDS ♪ ♪ THEN YOU COULD PAINT A PICTURE WITH A THOUSAND REASONS WHY ♪ ♪ AT LEAST WE COULD TRY ♪ ♪ SO COME ON, LET'S GO AGAIN ♪ ♪ WHEN YOU FALL FOR THE FIRST TIME ♪ ♪ YOU SWEAR YOU'LL NEVER FALL AGAIN ♪ ♪ WHEN YOU PICK YOURSELF UP OFF THE GROUND, FALL BACK DOWN ♪ ♪ AT LEAST YOU FINALLY FEEL ALIVE ♪ ♪ I'M ALIVE ♪ EMILE: HELLO. CORINNA: EMILE? THIS IS CORINNA, FROM THE HEALTH FOOD SHOP. I'M HAVING A LITTLE TROUBLE. OKAY, A LOT OF TROUBLE. I BURNED THE COUSCOUS, AND I'M OUT OF SHIITAKE MUSHROOMS! WHAT AM I GONNA DO? EMILE: ALL RIGHT, I WANT YOU TO TAKE TEN DEEP BREATHS. NICE AND SLOW. ARE YOU BREATHING? DON'T MOVE. I'LL BE RIGHT OVER. [JAZZ MUSIC] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [DOORBELL] CORINNA: EMILE, SO GOOD OF YOU TO DROP BY. JAY: I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE YOU JUST DON'T GOT IT IN YOU. RANDALL: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I HAD A GREAT DAY. ONLY NEXT TIME, NO CALLING IN SICK, OKAY? CORINNA: MEET EMILE, YOUR NEW HEALTH ADVISOR. RANDALL: WHAT DID YOU DO TO THE PLACE? CORINNA: DO YOU LIKE IT? EMILE: THE SCHEME IS DESIGNED TO ORIENT THE MIND INWARD BY SOOTHING THE SENSES AND ALLOWING THE SOUL TO EMBRACE THE LUXURY OF THE LESS. RANDALL: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. CORINNA: IT'S GOOD FOR YOU, RANDALL. RANDALL: OH, NO! NOT THE CHAIR, NOT THE CHAIR! ANYTHING BUT THE CHAIR! CORINNA: WE'LL LEAVE THAT FOR NOW. BUT THERE'S GONNA BE SOME CHANGES MADE AROUND HERE. RANDALL: MOM -- CORINNA: RANDALL, I KNOW WE CAN BEAT THIS. I JUST KNOW IT. [SITAR MUSIC] ♪ EMILE: NO, NO. NO, YOUR BACK MUST BE STRAIGHT. LIKE THIS. THERE YOU GO. MUCH BETTER. EXCELLENT, CORINNA. EXCELLENT. YOU'RE REALLY STARTING TO TAKE TO THIS. VERY NICE, VERY STRAIGHT. YES. [INDIAN WHISTLING MUSIC] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ RANDALL: JAI -- JAI GURU DEVA OM. JAI GURU DEVA OM. EMILE: GREEN IS A HEALING COLOR. BY IMMERSING YOURSELF IN GREEN, YOU CAN CREATE A FUNDAMENTAL SHIFT IN YOUR COLOR CONSCIOUSNESS. RANDALL: BUT MY FAVORITE COLOR IS RED. EMILE: PERHAPS I'M NOT MAKING MYSELF CLEAR. ALL COLOR ORIGINATES FROM THE LIGHT OF THE SUN. BY ACCESSING THESE COLORS, WE CAN ACCESS THE HEALING PROPERTIES OF THE SUN. CORINNA: THAT'S LOVELY, EMILE. EMILE: ISN'T IT? USE IT. USE THE GREEN. RANDALL'S VOICE: MOM MADE ME TAKE AN EXTENDED SICK LEAVE, AND I COULDN'T ARGUE BECAUSE I REALLY WAS SICK. I WAS STILL WORKING ON MY LETTERS BY NIGHT, BUT IT WAS GETTING HARDER AND HARDER WITHOUT MY ROUTINE. SOMETHING WAS DEFINITELY MISSING FROM MY LIFE. CORINNA: NOW YOU'LL NEVER RUN OUT. RANDALL: MOM, DID YOU EVER THINK ABOUT GETTING A HOBBY? CORINNA: YOU'RE MY HOBBY, SILLY. OH, YOU GOT TO FINISH THAT UP, SUG. WE HAVE PILATES IN TWENTY MINUTES. RANDALL: OH, MOM. THIS HAS GOT TO STOP. I'M GONNA BE LATE FOR WORK. CORINNA: WORK? YOU'RE STILL GOING TO WORK? RANDALL: YEAH, LOOK, I GOT TO GET GOING. WE CAN TALK ABOUT THIS LATER. CORINNA: NO, WE CAN TALK ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW. I WILL NOT HAVE YOU RISKING YOUR -- JAY: HEY, MRS. ZIMMERMAN. YOU REALLY GOT TO GET THAT WINDOW FIXED. CORINNA: JACOB, COULD YOU COME BACK AT A LATER MOMENT? WE'RE KIND OF IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING. RANDALL: NO, JAY, YOU STAY RIGHT THERE. MOM AND I ARE FINISHED TALKING. JAY: IS THIS TOFU? OH, OH, I ALMOST FORGOT. TWO TICKETS. EUROPE. THIRTEEN COUNTRIES. FIVE DAYS. I HOPE YOU BROUGHT YOUR PASSPORT TO THE DANGER ZONE. RANDALL: JAY, THERE'S NO WAY I CAN TAKE OFF LIKE THAT. I'VE GOT RESPONSIBILITY. CORINNA: WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING? HOW DARE YOU DISOBEY ME LIKE THAT? I'M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU! JAY: YOU KNOW, THE FLAVOR IS CHICKEN, AND THE TEXTURE IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. MR. CHESWORTH: SURE. RIGHT, I UNDERSTAND. UM, YEAH, I'LL BUZZ YOU BACK ON THAT ONE. RANDALL: MR. CHESWORTH, THERE'S SOMETHING THAT I NEED TO TELL YOU -- MR. CHESWORTH: RANDALL, I HAD NO IDEA IT WAS THIS SERIOUS. RANDALL: MOM. MR. CHESWORTH: YEAH, THANK GOODNESS SOMEONE TOLD ME. CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING? A GLASS OF WATER? ICE CREAM? RANDALL: NO, I NEVER EAT ON DUTY. MR. CHESWORTH: RANDALL, YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS ANYMORE. RANDALL: DO WHAT? MR. CHESWORTH: YOU'VE GOT SO MUCH VACATION TIME SAVED. TAKE A LITTLE TIME OFF. RANDALL: BUT I WANT TO COME IN. I LOVE WORK. MR. CHESWORTH: PLEASE. NOBODY LOVES WORK. GET OUT THERE. DO ALL THOSE THINGS YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO DO. RANDALL: BUT THIS IS WHAT I WANT TO DO. MR. CHESWORTH: OH, JUST LEAVE THE UNIFORM WITH ME. NO NEED TO CLEAN IT. RANDALL: MR. CHESWORTH, I REALLY THINK -- MR. CHESWORTH: DO I HAVE TO FIRE YOU? COME ON, GET OUT OF HERE. JEEZ. RANDALL'S VOICE: AND JUST LIKE THAT, ALL MY HOPES AND DREAMS WERE GONE. ANTON: SASHA, HONEY. COME TO BED. WHERE YOU GOING? BABY? [KNOCK ON THE DOOR] SASHA: OH, WHERE'S RANDALL? CORINNA: HE'LL BE BACK IN A MINUTE. STICK AROUND. I MADE LAVENDER FIG BARS. SASHA: I DON'T KNOW. I REALLY NEED TO TALK TO HIM. CORINNA: WELL, WHATEVER IT IS, YOU CAN TELL ME. SASHA: WELL, I AM EATING FOR TWO. CORINNA: OH, I DON'T BELIEVE IT. I'M GOING TO BE A GRANDMOTHER! WHAT ABOUT A NAME? HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT A NAME? SASHA: I THINK I WANT TO NAME IT AFTER RANDALL, BECAUSE WITHOUT HIM, NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED. CORINNA: YOU KNOW, I SAW AN ARTICLE IN THE GAZETTE ABOUT THEY NEED ENVELOPE STUFFERS, SO RANDALL COULD STAY AT HOME AND MAKE MONEY TO SUPPORT THE BABY. IT'S PERFECT! RANDALL: WHERE THE HELL IS MY CHAIR? CORINNA: WELL, IT WAS OLD, RANDALL. IT HAD-- RANDALL: WHERE THE HELL IS IT? CORINNA: I TOOK IT TO THE DUMP. RANDALL: I'M DYING, MOM. WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LET ME ENJOY MY LAST DAYS IN PEACE? AND YOU. WELL, I GUESS YOU GOT WHAT YOU WANTED, DIDN'T YOU? NOW I GOT TO DIE KNOWING THAT MY KID IS GOING TO GROW UP WITHOUT A FATHER. COME ON, JAY. LET'S GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE I REALLY LOSE IT. JAY: THAT WAS AWESOME. YOU -- YOU SURE LET THEM HAVE IT. I MEAN, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW IF YOU'RE THE DADDY. RANDALL: HEY, PULL OVER. JAY: YOU KNOW, THEY FEED YOU ON THE PLANE. RANDALL: JUST PULL OVER! JAY: ALL RIGHT. BRENDA: WILL THIS BE FOR HERE OR TO GO? RANDALL: TO GO. ACTUALLY, IT'S TO GO REAL FAR. BRENDA: OH? RANDALL: TO EUROPE. BRENDA: REALLY? WOW! WHAT COUNTRIES? RANDALL: WELL, I'M NOT REALLY SURE, BUT A LOT OF THEM. I'LL BE GONE ALMOST A WEEK. BRENDA: OH, WELL, THAT'S TOO BAD. WE JUST GOT IN OUR NEW LINE OF SPICY SOUTHWEST SAUCES. BUT THEN, YOU USUALLY JUST GET MAYONNAISE, HUH? RANDALL'S VOICE: JAY WAS RIGHT. I NEEDED MORE ADVENTURE IN MY LIFE. BUT I DIDN'T HAVE TO LEAVE THE COUNTRY TO FIND IT. CHIPOTLE MILD WAS ENOUGH EXCITEMENT FOR ONE EVENING. RANDALL: HEY, JAY, I'M HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS. JAY: BECAUSE OF THE SANDWICH? THEY GOT SANDWICHES IN EUROPE. RANDALL: NO, IT'S MORE THAN THAT. I MEAN, AS FAR AS I KNOW, THIS IS MY LAST SIX MONTHS ON EARTH, AND I THINK I WANT TO SPEND IT RIGHT HERE. JAY: NO WAY. I ALREADY GOT THE TICKETS. RANDALL: YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO GET THE MONEY BACK. JAY: IT'S NOT ABOUT THE MONEY. IT'S ABOUT THE COOL. AS IN WHAT YOU USED TO BE. RANDALL: I'M SURE THAT YOU'LL HAVE JUST AS MUCH FUN WITHOUT ME. JAY: WITHOUT YOU? I CAN'T GO WITHOUT YOU! RANDALL: YOU SPEND HALF YOUR LIFE IN FRONT OF THE TV, AND AN ADVENTURE FINALLY SHOWS UP, AND YOU'RE GONNA BACK OUT? I MEAN, WHAT IF DEATH SKATE RACER BACKED OUT? OR WHAT IF THE O TECH FOOTBALL TEAM BACKED OUT? DO IT FOR ME. MY DYING WISH. JAY: I GUESS THOSE TOPLESS FRENCH GIRLS AREN'T GONNA WAIT AROUND FOREVER, HUH? HEY, RAN! I'LL SEND YOU A POSTCARD. BRENDA: OH, GOD. OH, MY GOD. I AM SO SORRY. IT'S A LITTLE SPICY. OH, GOD. I SHOULD HAVE MADE YOU YOUR USUAL. I'M SO SORRY I DIDN'T TELL YOU ABOUT THAT -- RANDALL: THAT'S THE BEST SANDWICH I'VE EVER HAD. BRENDA: IT SET YOUR MOUTH ON FIRE. RANDALL: I DON'T CARE. IT'S PERFECT. YOU DO EVERYTHING JUST RIGHT. BRENDA: I DO MY BEST. YOU KNOW, I WAS IN NURSING SCHOOL BEFORE MY MOM GOT CANCER, AND THEN I GOT STUCK WORKING HERE. RANDALL: YOU MEAN THIS WASN'T WHAT YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO DO? BUT YOU DO IT SO GOOD. BRENDA: WELL, WE ALL HAVE RESPONSIBILITIES. IT'S WHAT YOU MAKE OF IT THAT COUNTS. RANDALL: MY CHAIR. SASHA: YOUR MOM BROUGHT IT BACK. RANDALL: I WANT TO HELP WITH THE BABY. I WILL TAKE A JOB WITH THE ENVELOPES, WHATEVER IT TAKES. SASHA: YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT. RANDALL: NO, IT'S NOT THE BABY'S FAULT WHAT HAPPENED BETWEEN US. SASHA: I DON'T THINK YOU'RE THE FATHER. RANDALL: IT'S THAT THERAPIST GUY, ISN'T IT? THE ONE YOU'RE ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT. SASHA: I DON'T KNOW. I SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU EARLIER THAT IT WAS OVER BETWEEN US. I DON'T EXPECT YOU TO FORGIVE ME, BUT I WANT TO ASK A FAVOR. NOT FOR ME, BUT FOR THE BABY. I WANT YOU TO BE THE FATHER, IN HER EYES AT LEAST. RANDALL: OKAY. SASHA: OH, RANDALL. OH, I'M GOING TO TELL HER SUCH GREAT THINGS ABOUT YOU. SHE WILL BE SO PROUD. RANDALL: YOU DON'T HAVE TO LIE. JUST TELL HER THE TRUTH. [GUITAR MUSIC] ♪ I'VE GOT A LOVELY COLLECTION OF SHELLS ♪ ♪ SIX YELLOW BOTTLES ALL FILLED WITH SAND ♪ ♪ WHEN I LOOK OUTSIDE MY WINDOW ♪ ♪ I SEE THE PLACE I LOVE ♪ RANDALL'S VOICE: STUFFING ENVELOPES WASN'T SO BAD. IT WAS LIKE WHAT I'D BEEN DOING ALL ALONG WITH THE LETTERS, ONLY WITHOUT ALL THE MEANING AND HOPE. SASHA: YOU GOT A POSTCARD. IT'S FROM JAY. I HAVE TO LEAVE PRETTY SOON. I'M GOING TO GO BUY WALLPAPER FOR THE BABY'S ROOM. YOU SHOULDN'T WORK SO HARD, YOU KNOW. YOU SHOULD REALLY TAKE IT EASY. RANDALL: I DON'T MIND. [DOORBELL] SASHA: THAT'S MY RIDE. COME ON IN. RANDALL. CHIP, RANDALL. WELL, WE SHOULD PROBABLY GET GOING. RANDALL'S VOICE: I WANTED TO CALL JAY, BUT HE DECIDED TO STAY LONGER IN EUROPE. [PHONE RINGS] CORINNA: I WONDER WHO THAT COULD BE. EMILE: LEAVE IT. THE MACHINE WILL ANSWER. RANDALL'S VOICE: THERE I WAS, ALONE LIKE I WANTED ALL ALONG. SO WHY WAS I SO MISERABLE? I NEEDED TO GET OUTSIDE. CLEAR MY HEAD. I SOON FOUND MYSELF FALLING INTO MY OLD ROUTE. I THOUGHT IT WOULD MAKE ME HAPPY, BUT IT JUST MADE THINGS WORSE. I WAS NOTHING WITHOUT THAT UNIFORM. BUT THAT WASN'T ALL. EVEN THOUGH THE UNIFORM COMES WITH GREAT PRIVILEGES, IT ALSO COMES WITH HEAVY RESPONSIBILITY. I JUST WISH OTHER PEOPLE COULD UNDERSTAND THAT. FIREMAN: THIS YOUR CAR? RANDALL: NO, I USUALLY TICKET CARS LIKE THIS. FIREMAN: WELL, DO YOU KNOW WHOSE IT IS? RANDALL: NO, NO, I DON'T KNOW WHOSE IT IS. I KNOW A NUMBER FOR A TOW TRUCK -- FIREMAN: WELL, STEP BACK. WE CAN'T AFFORD TO HAVE ANY CITIZENS AT RISK HERE TODAY. [UNSETTLING MUSIC] ♪ ♪ PROFESSOR GRIFFIN: ARE YOU OKAY, MY FRIEND? RANDALL: HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED WHAT THE WORLD WOULD BE LIKE IF YOU WERE NEVER HERE? IF YOU DIED AND LEFT NO TRACE BEHIND? PROFESSOR GRIFFIN: RANDALL, I WANT YOU TO COME WITH ME TO MY OFFICE FOR A SECOND. I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING. COME ON, COME. MY LIFE'S WORK. EVERYTHING EVER CONCEIVED ABOUT JOHN DONNE. AND I HAD TO FIGHT FOR EVERY SENTENCE. GOD KNOWS THE PAIN OF CREATION. THE UNBEARABLE AGONY OF PUTTING PEN TO PAPER, NOT KNOWING WHAT'S TO COME. RANDALL: THAT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE MUCH FUN. PROFESSOR GRIFFIN: IT ISN'T. BUT I'LL TELL YOU WHAT IS. LEGACY. LEAVING A LITTLE SOMETHING AFTER YOU'RE GONE, A TASTE OF IMMORTALITY. RANDALL: I THINK THAT'S SOMETHING I'D LIKE TO DO. PROFESSOR GRIFFIN: WRITE A COMPREHENSIVE GUIDE TO THE LIFE AND WORKS OF THE GREATEST POET THE WORLD'S EVER KNOWN? I'M AFRAID EVERYONE CAN'T BE A DONNE SCHOLAR, BUT MAYBE THERE'S SOMETHING FOR YOU. DO YOU HAVE A TALENT? IS THERE SOMETHING YOU CARE ABOUT MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD? RANDALL: I'M REALLY GOOD AT PARKING ENFORCEMENT. PROFESSOR GRIFFIN: NO, NO, THAT'S NOT IT. BUT KEEP THINKING. I'M SURE YOU'LL COME UP WITH SOMETHING. RANDALL: YOU KNOW SOMETHING? YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. THANK YOU. PROFESSOR GRIFFIN: MY PLEASURE. GOOD LUCK. RANDALL: MR. CHESWORTH, I WANT TO SAY SOMETHING, AND I DON'T WANT YOU TO SAY ANYTHING UNTIL I FINISH SPEAKING. THIS JOB MEANS EVERYTHING TO ME. AND I KNOW THAT YOU HAD MY BEST INTEREST IN MIND, JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE, BUT I GOT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. I'VE NEVER BEEN AS MISERABLE AS I HAVE THESE PAST FEW MONTHS. THAT'S WHY I'VE DECIDED TO GO BACK TO DUTY, AND I DON'T WANT TO HEAR NO FOR AN ANSWER. MR. CHESWORTH: WELL, I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT, RANDALL. THE THING IS, YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN REPLACED. HERE, YOU KNOW -- I CAN'T VERY WELL JUST GET RID OF HIM NOW, CAN I? IT WOULD MEAN A WHOLE LOT OF PAPERWORK. WAIT -- RANDALL: HOW COULD YOU? MR. CHESWORTH: NOW, DON'T JUMP TO ANY CONCLUSIONS. RANDALL: IT'S MY LIFE'S WORK. MR. CHESWORTH: OH, COME ON. DO YOU THINK WALLACE IS GONNA READ ALL OF THOSE? IF I WERE TO MAIL THOSE OUT, IT'D AMOUNT TO NOTHING MORE THAN A WASTE OF FORTY-FOUR CENTS. AND FORTY-FOUR TIMES SIXTY-SUM- ODD, MAN, THAT'D BUY YOU A BIG STEAK DINNER. RANDALL: YEAH, WELL YOU KEEP YOUR STEAK. I'LL TAKE MY DIGNITY. RANDALL'S VOICE: I DON'T KNOW IF IT WAS MY STOMACH TALKING OR WHAT, BUT I KEPT HEARING BRENDA'S VOICE ECHOING IN MY HEAD. I SHOULD JUST MARCH OVER TO PRESIDENT WALLACE'S HOUSE AND TELL HIM MYSELF. RANDALL: PRESIDENT WALLACE? PRESIDENT WALLACE! SASHA: HE'S AWAKE. EVERYONE, HE'S AWAKE! CORINNA: YOU'VE JUST HAD A HEART ATTACK, BUT THE DOCTOR SAYS YOU'RE GONNA BE JUST FINE. JAY: FOR NOW. RANDALL: JAY? JAY: JUST GOT BACK YESTERDAY. HEY, THIS HERE IS HELGA. HELGA: [SPEAKING GERMAN] CORINNA: I GOT A PLOT, RANDALL. I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT KIND YOU WANTED, BUT I GOT ONE WITH A TREE. YOU LIKE TREES, DON'T YOU, RANDALL? DR. CLINKSCALE: COME ON, WHAT IS THIS, A PARTY? COME ON, ALL OF YOU OUT. OUT. RANDALL NEEDS HIS REST. NURSE: MR. ZIMMERMAN. DR. CLINKSCALE: HELEN, HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU -- NURSE: IT'S THE PRESIDENT. RANDALL: HELLO? UH-HUH. REALLY? YOU WILL? THAT'S WONDERFUL! OKAY. THANK YOU. IT'S ABOUT THE BROKEN METER. HE READ MY LETTER. HE'S GONNA GET IT FIXED. AND THEY'RE GONNA PUT A PLAQUE UP WITH MY NAME ON IT. JAY: YEAH, MAN. RANDALL'S VOICE: I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MANY NIGHTS I HAD DREAMED ABOUT THIS MOMENT, AND NOW IT HAD FINALLY COME TRUE. BUT IT DIDN'T QUITE FEEL AS GOOD AS I THOUGHT IT WOULD. TODD: AM I GOOD ON THAT SIDE? FOOTBALL PLAYER: YEAH, YOU'RE GOOD. TODD: WILL YOU JUST GET OUT AND CHECK? COACH IS GOING TO SUSPEND ME IF I GET ANOTHER TICKET. FOOTBALL PLAYER: TODD, MAN, TRUST ME. YOU'RE IN. YOU'RE PERFECT. BRENDA: WHAT'LL IT BE TODAY, THE USUAL? OLI: WELL, WELL, WELL. OUR OWN LOCAL CELEBRITY. RANDALL: THEY PUT IT IN THE PAPER? OLI: YEAH, THE WHOLE STORY OF HOW YOU DEFIED THE ODDS AND OVERCAME. MAN, WE'RE REALLY GONNA MISS YOU AROUND HERE. WE COULD DEDICATE A BOOTH TO YOU. HOW ABOUT THAT ONE? PLENTY OF SUNSHINE. COME ON, EVERYBODY. HOW ABOUT A SONG FOR THE WORLD'S GREATEST WAGONMASTER. ♪ WAGONMASTER, WAGONMASTER ♪ ♪ WAGONMASTER, WAGONMASTER ♪ OLI: EVERYBODY! ♪ WAGONMASTER, WAGONMASTER ♪ BRENDA: MR. ZIMMERMAN! YOU FORGOT YOUR SANDWICH! RANDALL'S VOICE: I THOUGHT SHE'D WANT TO GET BACK TO WORK, BUT SHE SAID SHE DIDN'T HAVE TO LEAVE JUST YET. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ AND YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M GLAD SHE STAYED. BRENDA: SO WHAT'S IT LIKE BEING A TRUE AMERICAN HERO? RANDALL: YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT ALL IT'S CRACKED UP TO BE. I MEAN, I'M HAPPY TO LEAVE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE AND ALL THAT. BRENDA: DO YOU BELIEVE IN GOD? RANDALL: I BELIEVE IN WHAT I SEE. BRENDA: WELL, I JUST THOUGHT THAT MIGHT BE SOMETHING YOU MIGHT WANT TO LOOK INTO BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE. RANDALL: HOW MANY DO YOU THINK THERE ARE UP THERE? TEN, TWENTY MILLION? BRENDA: A LOT. RANDALL'S VOICE: ALTOGETHER, I THINK IT WAS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE. WELL, PRESIDENT WALLACE, IT'S ABOUT TIME I GET GOING NOW. THANKS SO MUCH FOR READING ALL MY LETTERS. I HOPE YOU CAN REST EASY KNOWING THAT YOUR ACTIONS HAVE MADE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE. AND NOW I'D LIKE TO SHARE SOMETHING WITH YOU. DEATH, BE NOT PROUD, THOUGH SOME HAVE CALLED THEE MIGHTY AND DREADFUL, FOR THOU ART NOT SO; FOR THOSE WHOM THOU THINK'ST THOU DOST OVERTHROW DIE NOT, POOR DEATH, NOR YET CANST THOU KILL ME. FROM REST AND SLEEP, WHICH BUT THY PICTURES BE, MUCH PLEASURE; THEN FROM THEE MUCH MORE MUST FLOW, AND SOONEST OUR BEST MEN WITH THEE DO GO, REST OF THEIR BONES, AND SOUL'S DELIVERY. THOU ART SLAVE TO FATE, CHANCE, KINGS, AND DESPERATE MEN, AND DOST WITH POISON, WAR, AND SICKNESS DWELL, AND POPPY OR CHARMS CAN MAKE US SLEEP AS WELL AND BETTER THAN THY STROKE; AND DEATH SHALL BE NO MORE; DEATH, THOU SHALT DIE. I NEVER REALLY UNDERSTOOD IT MUCH, BUT I LIKE THE WAY IT SOUNDS. I HOPE YOU DO TOO. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪