Gintama - 035.ass (DOWNLOAD SUBTITLES)
[Eromesu's House]
In the previous episode, Shinpachi saved a cat-eared girl from a drunk on the train.
And so, this and that happened and he's been invited to the girl's house
which is an incredibly suspicious-looking place.
Is this all right?
What exactly is "this and that"? Explain it in more detail.
And include why we're following him.
Umm... And so, that was probably how the story went.
I've never heard such an irresponsible recap.
And so, I feel kind of sluggish now.
Don't say you're sluggish.
Big Sis. It's impossible for someone apathetic like him. I'll do it.
And so, the cake was delicious.
You're talking about yourself.
You two think you can tack on "and so" onto anything, don't you?
And so, it was definitely delicious.
Fine. I'll do it.
The land of the samurai. The time when our country was called that is long gone.
Hey, that's too far back!! How many episodes are we going to recap?!
And so, we explain things in order.
And so, you keep quiet.
And so, no, you keep quiet.
And so, anyway, we're going to the opening credits.
[While on a date with Eromesu, for some reason, this happens at her house.]
[I don't care about the show being cancelled! Shinpachi will become a real man.]
["Love Doesn't Require a Manual (Continued)"]
What is this?
Your wife said that she didn't need a molester for a husband.
She said that you're probably too scared to slice your gut open,
so you should just blow your head off with this.
That woman doesn't understand anything.
I'm such a coward that I jump at the slightest noise.
I don't have the guts to molest anyone.
That's pathetic, Pops.
Rather than shamelessly living in disgrace, you should die with honor like a samurai.
Guys like you always commit suicide with charcoal fires whenever something happens.
It's not that impressive to be alive.
It's really impressive if you can embarrass yourself, suck it up and still live.
Why did you shoot him?
I couldn't bear to see Pops like that anymore.
Hijikata-san...
Why...are people always so...
Huh?
Why did you shoot him?
Why did you edit it to make it look as if I did?!
Why are you sweating?! That's really pissing me off!!
Everyone, come here! Hijikata-san has gone mad.
I don't know what to do anymore! I just don't know!
No, no! It's not like that!! It wasn't me!! Cut that out!
He's going to kill me!
I can't find my pocketbook anywhere.
Ever since the day of that molestation incident,
my police pocketbook and my wallet completely disappeared. What do you think?
And so, this and that happened, so we're following him. Is that fine?
Anyway, some other scene already came in. And so, that doesn't matter anymore.
And so.
Hey!! What do you mean it doesn't matter?
You're the one who told me to do it properly! I did my best!!
Huh?
Huh? Eromesu-chan?
Where did she go?
What is this card?
What is this card?!
It's not funny!! Because of her, I was made out to be a molester!!
I was drinking at a bar by myself, when a woman approached me.
She was a good listener and she even listened to me about my daughter.
Oh, well, that doesn't matter. But anyway, I talked with her for a while.
We got along really well.
She told me that she knew a good place,
so I followed her and when we got on the train, she suddenly started making a fuss.
Stop!
Someone! Somebody, help me!
When I realized what had happened...
I'd become a molester. My police pocketbook and wallet
had disappeared, and in their place was this card.
I've taken your heart and your wallet.
Cat's Ear, the Phantom Thief.
[Note: Cat's Ear is a parody of the manga/anime series Cat's Eye]
I really fell for it. And at my age, too. But let me say this.
She didn't steal my heart.
My heart had already been stolen by my wife thirty years ago.
Wait...
You bastard!!
Wait...
I say!!
Who are you? Are you that boy's family?!
His older brother?
What are you doing bringing your stupid face here?
Did you follow us because you were worried about him?
You don't need to worry. I haven't done anything.
Your little brother's chastity is safe.
All I want is love.
Yes, I am Cat's Ear. The phantom thief who steals love.
Love is the most beautiful thing in the world.
But you cannot see love... Therefore...
As proof I have stolen someone's love, I borrow their wallet.
Shinpachi's wallet? What nonsense are you talking about?
You're just saying you're a thief.
Your younger brother was great.
I'm surprised that such a pure boy exists in these times.
He completely fell for it.
He even wore those cat ears I gave to him just for fun. It was hilarious.
It made my heart beat like I was in love for the first time again.
This is why I can't stop doing this.
Hey. Have you stopped using your cute-girl act? I sorta liked it.
Men are really stupid, aren't they?
They can only judge things by what they see on the outside.
Oh! I revealed my true feelings. How silly of me.
Tee-hee!
[Otae says "buriburiburiburi," which roughly translates to "cutesy, cutesy, cutesy, cutesy." "Buriburi" is also the sound of someone defecating.]
Stop with the cutesy, cutesy, cutesy, cutesy.
Are you taking a crap or something?!
Well, are you?!
Women who can say "tee-hee" with a straight face are thoroughly unscrupulous.
Tee-hee!
Oh, it's true.
Shinpachi!!
Everyone, stop!!
They say that the losers in love are the ones who fall in love.
That's enough. I don't hate you. In fact, I'm grateful to you.
It was short, but...
I really had a fun time. It felt as if I had a girlfriend...
So...let me say one thing.
I'm just kidding, stupid!!
You were so cool!
Love, be it tragic or whatever, helps people mature.
I've become stronger since then.
My heart is no longer swayed by little things. I can stay strong-willed.
People's attractiveness doesn't come from superficial things like acting cute, or cat ears.
Rather, it comes...
From deep within their hearts.
Hey! Shut up! Be quiet! You're bothering the other passengers!
But President! Take a look at this! Otsu-chan's new single!!
She's gone for the cat-eared look on the jacket!!
Tha...
That's so cute!!
[Preview]
Pops, is it true that he's on the move?
You picked us up, so we're prepared to do anything for you!
The next episode: "You Can't Judge a Person by His Appearance, Either."
Right after these messages!!
[Right after these messages!!]
[The previous story went overtime... So this episode is airing 13 minutes late.]
[Kuriko and Shichibee on a date. What happens to this couple?!]
["You Can't Judge a Person by His Appearance, Either"]
I called you all here for one reason.
He's finally decided to make a move.
Pops, are you sure about that?
There's no mistake.
We have a spy planted in his vicinity.
The guy discovered the plant, but...
He finally couldn't take it anymore and has made a move.
I don't want to be a step behind anymore.
If our superiors have complaints about it, I'm prepared to slit my belly.
This is a battle to the death. I'm going to crush him and his plans.
All right, Pops. If you're that committed...then so are we.
I'm counting on you.
Toshi... Sogo... There's just one thing I want to check with you two.
What is it?
Who is "he"?
You don't know?!
[Oedo Amusement Park]
Oh, Kuriko.
Sorry, sorry I'm late. Did I keep you waiting?
No. I just got here, too. I didn't wait at all.
Oh, I see. Great. Well, the train was late...
That bastard, who is he kidding?
Kuriko waited over an hour for you.
That's one hour of my daughter's time. I took great care to raise her...
You're going to pay for that with your remaining life.
Hey, Toshi! Get over here and let me lean on you!
Hold on!! You mean this is the guy we're after?! Your daughter's boyfriend?
He's not her boyfriend! I'll never acknowledge a frivolous man like him!
Shut up! I don't acknowledge you as police chief!
Hijikata-san, I'll never acknowledge you as vice-chief of the Shinsengumi!!
You shut up!!
This is ridiculous! I took off work to come here.
And you're asking us to interrupt your daughter's date?
I can't do this. I'm leaving!
Hey, wait! I never asked you to break up her date.
I just want you to kill that guy.
That's even worse!
Do you think a jewelry-wearing joker like that is going to make Kuriko happy?
No, I want to acknowledge the guy that my daughter falls in love with.
I thought about it... I thought long and hard...
And I came to the conclusion that I have no choice, but to kill him.
That's thinking too much!!
Kondo-san, talk some sense into this doting parent.
Who are you calling Kondo?
[Gorilla 13 is a parody of the manga series Golgo 13.]
Call me, assassin Gorilla 13.
What are you doing?
Why the 13?
It's a symbol of my persistence. This year, I've been dumped by Otae thirteen times.
Hey, Pops, I'll help, too. She needs a strong, silent type like me!
Kondo...
I've known Kuriko since she was a little girl... She's like a sister to me.
I can't give her away to a loser like that!
Let's do it, Pops!!
Okay!
H-Hey!!
This is bad. I'd be willing to bet that they'll really do it.
Sogo, we've got to stop them.
Who're you calling Sogo?
I'm the assassin Sogo 13.
Hey!!
This looks like fun.
And so I told him...
[Merry-go-round]
Clever bastard... He picked his spot well!
I can't take aim... I'm feeling kind of sick...
Hey, Kondo, how long until we catch up to him?
We aren't getting any closer.
Oh, for god's sake, you're on a merry-go-round!!
You're just going to keep going around and around forever, moron!
I've never been to an amusement park, so I didn't know that.
I've been to adult amusement parks, though...
Don't be rash. In short, you want to break them up, right?
There are lots of better ways to do that.
What? You want to join us? You want to join the assassin alliance?
I just came to make sure you don't do anything crazy!!
Unlike you, I don't feel like denying this man's worth as a human being just by the way he looks.
He looks like a bad man no matter how you look at him.
He's full of holes. Aren't people born with enough holes already? Why make more?
I don't think body-piercing is a capital offense.
Girls that age always go for the slightly badly behaved kabuki-mono...
[Note: Kabuki-mono were jobless samurai who formed gangs. Known for their flamboyant clothes and violent behavior, they are believed to be the forerunners of the modern yakuza.]
They mature after they get burned a bit.
Sogo, how old are you?
Hey, I look dangerous, but girls never liked me. What's with that?
Well, good or bad, love and romance is nothing but an illusion.
Your daughter has false illusions about that man.
But if he breaks, then she should wake up from her dream.
Luckily, this is the perfect place for that.
Shichibee-sama, I want to ride that, like totally.
Hey, are you serious? I can't go on rides like that.
Are you afraid?
Not afraid, but they make me feel sick.
You really are afraid, aren't you?
I'm not. Go ride it by yourself.
No! I want to ride with you, like totally!
Wow...
Well, I'll be watching from here.
[Note: Holstein is a type of cow.]
Quit bubbling and get on the damn ride, you Holstein bastard!
Make a fuss, and I'll give you a new piercing.
Shichibee-sama?
Well... Umm... I guess I will ride with you.
Really, like totally?!
Hey, you sure this will work?
Absolutely.
Sogo is a super sadist who pressures and teases people as a hobby.
Crap...
Crap your pants.
If she doesn't smell poop by the time this coaster returns to the dock, I'll kill you.
Shichibee-sama?
What's wrong? You don't look well.
Let's get off, if you, like totally, don't like it.
I'll kill you if you get off!!
Shut up!! I told you I'm going to ride it!!
Shichibee-sa...
Whoa! This is tougher than I'd expected...
How's it looking up there?
What?!
What are you doing?!
I forgot to fasten my seat belt. I forgot to fasten my seat belt.
Hey, what's wrong with him? He's acting completely different.
He's getting all panicky.
Sure, I'm a sadist... but only because I'm so insecure inside!
H-H-H-Help me, Hijikata!! Damn it!
You idiot!
Ah... I was so scared...
Are you all right, Shichibee-sa...
Shichibee-sama... How come you're sitting so high in your seat?
This is bad. You'll probably be disgusted... But, I kind of crapped my pants.
Sorry, Shichibee. I don't have anything against you.
Thank goodness!!
Actually, I, like totally, did too.
I feel a lot less embarrassed knowing I'm like totally not the only one.
Really? Amazing!! We're a pair! It's a miracle!
We really are, like totally, connected by something.
What? Are we connected by our intestines?
Honestly...
Hey!! What's the meaning of this? They've gotten even closer!!
What the hell is wrong with your daughter?
What girl craps her pants? How are you raising her?
Oh no. They're going to the next attraction!
What?! While in that state?!
Hey, Kondo-san. Hurry up!
Kondo-san.
Huh? Why's he sitting so high in his seat?
Toshi, like totally, don't tell anyone about this.
I can't believe this. How could she still want to be with him after that?!
My daughter is terrifying...
She really is terrifying.
I'll kill you if you tell anyone about this.
Pops, don't worry. Your daughter hasn't crapped her pants.
Look.
That guy changed his clothes, but your daughter is wearing the same clothes.
She's not walking around with it in her ass?
Of course not! Don't you find your daughter adorable?
Your daughter lied so he wouldn't feel bad.
What?
Toshi, are you saying that...
Kuriko-chan isn't disgusted at all by him taking a crap...
You were disgusted when I took a crap,
but Kuriko-chan accepts even the worst elements of his character.
Is that it?
Kondo-san, I'm disgusted, too...
Yeah...
She really loves that man...
Pops, look at that!
Oh no. They're headed to the Ferris wheel.
There's no mistake. They're planning on kissing.
How do you know?!
If it's the Ferris wheel, they're going to kiss. It was created for kissing.
K-Kiss?!
Really? My god... I never realized!
Kuriko-chan is in danger!
Let's go!!
Okay!
[Note: In Kyoto, people use "han" instead of "san."]
Hijikata-han. Hijikata-han.
Hijikata-han, you're so handsome and cool. You must be popular.
Not really.
No, that's not true.
Hijikata-han, Hijikata-han. Huh? What are you eating?
[Note: Ochazuke is rice with tea poured on it.]
It's the Ochazuke Hijikata Special. Want some?
I thought love was an illusion...
Kuriko, you really are amazing.
Most people would be disgusted if their boyfriend crapped his pants.
I thought it was all over.
I wouldn't, like totally, hate you for that.
Besides, you weren't disgusted when I crapped my pants, too.
What? That's because, well...
Well, what?
Well... That's because I...lo...
L?
Lo...
Lo...?
Wh-What's that?!
Assassin Samurai 13.
We're taking your life!
Huh?! That's so ridiculous...
Somebody, help-
What's that?!
Toshi?!
Toshi? Who's that?
I'm the warrior of love, Mayo 13!!
All who stand in the way of love...will perish!
Mayo 13?!
He's so cool...
Never let anyone come between you two.
Farewell...
Umm, I'll, like totally, dump poopy pants.
Would you, like totally, go out with me?!
I hate love...
The next episode: "People with Dark Pasts Can't Shut Up."
Dream...Catcher!!
[Preview]
[Tomu is the founder of the Dream Faith and is rapidly increasing his followers by making their dreams come true.]
[Hanako has come to Edo with dreams of becoming a dancer, but she is tricked by the Dream Faith.]