Kangaroo Jack - G'Day U.S.A.!.HI.srt (DOWNLOAD SUBTITLES)
MAN: Run, Charlie, run!
We gotta get out of here.
[PANTING ]
CHARLIE: Snake!
Spider!
[SCREAMING ]
Weird frilly thing!
[SCREAMING ]
LOUIS: We should have never come back to Australia.
It's not worth it.
Sure it is. It's worth anything to bring Charlie and Louis' newest shampoo. . .
. . .to the entire civilized world.
Cut! No, no, no!
This is supposed to be an action piece.
I'm not feeling it, people.
It was me, wasn't it? I knew it.
I came in late on the hiss.
The coil felt all wrong.
It's always gotta be about you, doesn't it?
Fellas, you're big, scaly guys!
Help me out here. I need a real attack.
Think "menace. " Sheer terror.
Louis.
You were magnificent.
I laughed. I cried.
I believed.
Excuse me, Jackie?
I mean, Mr. Legs.
How about me?
You were very good too, Charlie.
But what do you say, this time, we give all your lines to Louis.
SPIDER: Yo, Mr. Director.
Nobody said nothing about no stunt work.
I sprained four ankles. . .
. . .when shampoo boy there knocked me off his shoulder.
Ugh. . . .
While we're at it, I don't like the way you been talking to me.
Yeah.
Time someone taught you a lesson.
Come on, mates. It's all in good fun.
You wanna see terror? How's this for terror?
[WHIMPERING ]
Jackie Legs is in trouble!
-What? -I had a dream.
We were shooting a commercial for new shampoo.
CHARLIE: "Dream," Louis. Key word right there: dream.
Jackie Legs is not in trouble.
But it was so real.
I mean, other than the fact that the animals were talking.
It makes perfect sense.
We're back in Australia. . .
. . .to find a new shampoo formula so our company doesn't go out of business. . .
. . .and we're surrounded by kangaroos.
-What else would you dream about? -I'd rather not say.
-By the way, how was the commercial? LOUIS: I'm not so sure about you. . .
. . .but I was magnificent.
JESSIE: Hey, look! There it is. The ancient tribal land of the Marabuju's.
-Where is everybody? -Hello.
Anybody home?
This is crazy, Charlie. What are we doing here?
What do you mean, what are we doing here?
This whole trip was your idea to begin with.
My idea?
All I said was that Jessie said she heard of an aborigine medicine man. . .
-. . .Chief "Hunky Tooty. " -Ankamuti.
LOUIS: Right. Who knew more about roots and berries than anybody.
And? What else did you say?
-That we should find "Funky Dooty"... -Ankamuti.
-And see if he could help us. -You don't feel this makes it your idea?
[CRACKING ]
Not right now, I don't.
[LOUIS GASPING ]
Who are you?
Louis Booker. Brooklyn, New York.
And you must be the great "Chunky Booty. "
Uh. . . . You'll have to excuse my friend. He's in such awe of you.
You see, we have heard many stories about you and your people.
-And your great wisdom. -What is it you want?
We seek only shampoo.
And maybe a little conditioner thrown in. Something fruity, if you got it.
See, our company's in trouble.
If you could point us to a particularly sweet-smelling berry. . .
-. . .we might come up with a product... -Silence!
Today is not a good day to be seeking anything.
Follow me.
What's his problem?
ANKAMUTl: I will show you my problem.
-Man, that guy has good hearing. -Yes, I do.
Really good.
The power of the tribe has been stolen.
Man, I hate when that happens.
We are the keepers of the stones.
Long, long ago, the Skydwellers entrusted us. . .
. . .with four sacred stones.
One as red as fire, one as blue as the sky. . .
. . .one as green as the ocean and one as black as night.
-And now they have been taken. -Who did this?
An evil man with a smiling forehead. . .
. . .and another carrying a snake on his arm.
Kind of chilly in here.
Only if the magic gems are returned. . .
. . .will the gods once again favor us with their wisdom.
Yeah, I could see how that could be a problem.
[SHUDDERING ]
-It is you. -Oh, that's great.
What did you do this time?
ANKAMUTl: And you. -Me? It can't be me.
Believe me, it's always him.
Chief, I'm sure there's been some mistake.
No mistake.
LOUIS: Hey, that's us. ANKAMUTl: It is written.
You are the chosen ones.
You will find the gems. You will save our people.
These guys?
It is written.
Is it written anywhere how we're supposed to do this?
Many years ago, there was a great leak in the cave.
Unfortunately, that part of the story is a little fuzzy.
Well, that's caves for you. Now, about that shampoo...
Go!
CHARLIE: What kind of chief uses the word "fuzzy"?
JESSIE: He's a great man.
He's a great lunatic, is what he is.
I mean, "chosen ones"? Give me a break.
It's my fault, you guys.
All my ideas turn out bad.
I just don't have what it takes.
Oh, Louis. I think you're being too hard on yourself.
I think he's being exactly the right amount of hard on himself.
Oops. Better fill up.
It's too bad. I was really hoping the chief could help.
So much for our brilliant plan.
I guess we gotta go back to New York and start over.
Come up with a better brilliant plan.
Well, don't look at me.
I'm done making plans.
No more brainstorms. I have had my last idea.
No more for me!
Charlie, Jessie. It's Jackie Legs.
Where?
Right there, with Mrs. Legs and Jackie Junior.
-I don't think that's him. -It's gotta be.
He looks just like him.
Look how he's looking at me.
They all look just like him. They're kangaroos.
Wait, I have an idea.
-I thought you were through with ideas. LOUIS: Not now, Charlie. I'm busy.
Jackie.
Jackie Legs.
I got your favorite.
Come on, boy. Nobody's gonna hurt you.
Remember how he used to like licorice?
Well, sit back and watch.
Look at that.
I told you! Didn't I tell you?
Jackie Legs. We're together again.
Well, I'm still not convinced.
Jackie? Is that you?
Yeah, that's Jackie Legs.
JESSIE: Got you again.
[HONKING ]
LOUIS: Jackie, stop! It's too dangerous!
Jackie, wait!
Hey, what are you guys doing?
Easy, Charlie. We gotta lay low.
These guys are poachers, not Boy Scouts.
The last thing they want are any witnesses.
[PANTING ]
POACHER: Closer! Closer!
Got you now, sweetheart!
[MEN GASPING AND SCREAMING ]
[SCREAMING ]
[GROANING ]
POACHER: Got him!
Watch his feet! Watch his feet!
In you go, tough guy.
[WHIMPERING ]
JESSIE: This is terrible. How can they do this?
LOUIS: I wonder where they taking him.
Probably hundreds of miles away.
Or not.
LOUIS: What's going on, Charlie? How many guys are there?
Are they tough? When do you think they'll go to sleep?
CHARLIE: Louis! LOUIS: Sorry.
Look! A campfire.
Think they got any marshmallows? I'm starving.
CHARLIE: Why don't you go down and ask.
Wait! There's Jackie!
-We gotta do something. -It could be dangerous.
I think it's pretty safe to say it will be dangerous.
We got to, Charlie.
-Jackie saved our life. JESSIE: He's right.
What happened to the "laying low" and the "no witnesses"?
Think of his beautiful wife.
And his poor baby, barely out of the pouch. . .
. . .trying to understand what happened to Daddy. . .
. . .forced to face the cruel, cold outback all by his lonesome self.
And at night, when the predators come out...
Okay, okay, we'll do it.
Now's our chance.
CHARLIE: Come on, we gotta make this fast!
[GIBBERING ]
LOUIS: Jackie? Jackie!
Definitely not Jackie.
Let's check the other side.
MAN 1: Here we go. Last one.
Easy. Easy.
Load this in and we can go home.
MAN 2: There's no room. MAN 1: Sure there is.
We'll just slide these down.
MAN 2: Holy dooley, that's heavy.
-What's in there? MAN 1: Let's take a look.
[FARTING ]
MAN 1: It's one of those dang camels.
I'd know that smell anywhere.
[FARTING ]
MAN 1: It just keeps getting worse.
My bad.
[FARTING ]
JESSIE: Oh. . . .
CHARLIE: Louis, you're killing us.
That should do it. Where these babies headed, anyway?
Las Vegas, Nevada. U.S.A.
This is great. I've never been to Vegas.
And now we're getting a free trip.
Ow! Louis, there is nothing great about this... Will you stop that?
My cousin Ronald lives in Vegas.
He's an exterminator. I'll give him a call.
Tell him to meet us at the airport.
He's a great guy. You'll love him.
I can hardly wait. Ow!
I think he likes you.
Las Vegas?
Who could possibly want all these wild animals in Las Vegas?
[KIDS CHEERING ]
Guess what, kids.
Next week, old Outback Ollie has a really neat treat for you.
My special animal friends are flying in right this minute. . .
. . .all the way from Australia.
[CROWD CHEERING ]
That's right. Just to meet all of you.
So be sure to tune in. It's gonna be a snapping good time.
[CROWD CHEERING ]
It's perfect. The whole place is deserted.
LOUIS: Let's go.
LEAD AGENT: This is a new one. Shipping yourself into the country to pull a heist.
JESSIE: All these poor animals.
-I wish we could help them. CHARLIE: Me too.
But it's gonna be hard enough getting Jackie out of here.
-Assuming we ever find him. JESSIE: Yeah, I guess you're right.
Hey, here he is.
[GRUNTING ]
ASSISTANT: Do we move in? -No, stay out of sight.
They're gonna lead us straight to Mr. Big.
[HONKING ]
Look what I found!
What was the horn for, Louis?
-A lot of traffic on the way over? -What's with him?
JESSIE: They must have tranquilized him.
So how do we get a kangaroo out of the airport?
Have no fear, Louis Booker is here. Give me your shades, Charlie.
-What the heck are they doing? -I'm not sure.
These guys are either total idiots or geniuses.
There you go, Charlie.
Anybody see a kangaroo? Nope, no kangaroos here.
Just three buddies sitting in a golf cart.
-Can we go now? -Certainly, Charlie.
Take us to the first tee.
LEAD AGENT: Idiots. Red team, they're headed for the north exit. Be ready.
You're not gonna be happy, boss.
There's cops everywhere.
And a couple of cement-heads with a girl are stealing our kangaroo.
BOSS: You sure it's the one with the jewels?
Sure, I'm sure. I can see the collar.
Now, you listen up and listen good.
Do whatever you have to, but get that kangaroo.
RONALD: Hey, coz. Long time, no see. Who's your friend?
-No time for introductions. We gotta go. -Same old Louis.
[GRUNTING ]
MAN: We're on him, sir.
Charlie and Jessie. I've heard a lot about you.
-Anything good? RONALD: No.
-How's your mom? RONALD: She's doing good.
You're an exterminator?
I got two jobs. Exterminator and limo driver.
See, I kill rats and weasels by day, drive them around by night.
-That's funny. RONALD: Thanks.
So we just gonna keep pretending I don't have a 200-pound kangaroo. . .
-. . .in the back of my car? -It's a long story. We're rescuing him.
You're rescuing a kangaroo?
Ronald, can we borrow your exterminator truck?
-For what? LOUIS: We can't drive him in a limo.
-I mean, when he wakes up... -L.A.?
Nobody's looking for him there.
We'll take him to the airport and ship him home.
My friends in Alice Springs can get him back to his family.
Oh, I get it. That is good.
It is always important to get an animal back to his family.
-Ronald, what are you doing? -I'm on TV, right?
This is one of them TV shows.
"See what happens when unsuspecting Ronald finds a kangaroo in his limo. "
-Subjects are three cars ahead. LEAD AGENT: Maintain surveillance.
Don't worry. Everything's under control.
-What's the deal with this collar? -It's probably an ID tag.
Then why does it have all these bulges?
[SCREAMING ]
Sorry about that. Hope I didn't break the camera.
Kangaroo in the car. Lock the doors.
Easy, boy.
Easy.
MAN: This party limo rules, man!
Hey, dude. Major party tonight.
Room 305. The Aztec. Be there.
Jackie, no!
Awesome. The Russian judge gives that dude a 10.
Check out the hops!
I hope he shows. I definitely wanna party with that dude.
[GRUMBLES]
[GASPS]
Oh, that's not good.
[HONKING ]
[CARS SKIDDING AND CRASHING ]
Huh?
Look, he's coming back. And he's going again.
-We can't let him get away. -Any suggestions?
Run!
[HONKING ]
I'd just like to give a shout out to Ray Ray and Tiny D. . .
. . .and all my peeps down at the pool hall.
Keep it real, y'all.
[SUSTAINED HONKING ]
There they go. Come on, let's move.
Move? I haven't even stretched. Know how many muscles I could pull?
How's about I pull your nose muscle right off your face?
[SCREAMING ]
Welcome to the Conquistador.
Registration is to the left. Cabanas are available by the pool.
[MUSIC PLAYING ]
-Look! Over there. -What? Do you see him?
No. The heavyweight champion of the world is fighting tonight.
Right in this hotel!
Excuse me?
Killer Putulski. He's my all-time favorite.
Think back, Louis. Real hard.
We were chasing a kangaroo, remember?
I know that. I'm chasing.
I just happen to be able to do two things at once.
Louis, you can't do one thing at once.
We gotta split up. It's our best chance.
Poor little guy. He's never been around this many people.
He's probably scared to death.
[SINGING "I ONLY HAVE EYES FOR YOU"]
MAN: Hey! You with the tail!
-I got nothing. You? -Nothing.
He could be anywhere by now.
He could be in another hotel for all we know.
I feel so helpless.
I wonder if we'll ever see him again.
WOMAN: Ah! A kangaroo!
MAN: Oh, my gosh! WOMAN: Look over there!
MAN: I don't believe it. Somebody do something!
Security? We have a situation.
CHIEF: What's the big deal?
Creature in the food court!
WOMAN: What is that, a giraffe? What is he doing?
MAN: I don't know, but he's not a giraffe.
[SIREN WAILING ]
There he is.
[GLASS SHATTERING ]
[SCREAMING ]
What is that?
GUARD: Hold it right there!
We got you now, fur ball.
Ow!
Louis, I just got hit in the head by a flying roast beef.
LOUIS: I got my own problems, Charlie.
JESSIE: Guys, he's getting away!
[SOBBING ]
Huh?
This is why I love Vegas. They got everything.
[PEOPLE YELLING ]
JESSIE: Oh, no.
You don't happen to have any gravy on you anywhere, do you?
Thanks. Mmm. . . .
[SCREAMING ]
CHARLIE: Excuse me. Pardon me. Hotel security coming through.
Terribly sorry, ma'am. Official business. Kangaroo wrangler.
Jessie, go find Ronald and meet us round back. Catching Jackie's one thing. . .
-. . .getting him out of here's another. -Gotcha.
LOUIS: Charlie, I don't like this place.
[CHEF SOBBING ]
Well, either the kangaroo's been here. . .
. . .or this joint's got the worst busboys in Vegas.
LOUIS: Hey, I think I found a door.
I hear something. Sounds like breathing.
Jackie, is that you?
Jackie, please say that's you.
Make a kangaroo noise or something. Please?
Just for your old buddy Louis.
[LICKING ]
LOUIS: Hey, Charlie, he's licking me. He must be happy to see us.
CHARLIE: I don't think kangaroos do that.
Louis, I feel a wall.
I got a light switch. This is good.
LOUIS: No, Charlie. This is bad. This is really bad.
Don't make any sudden moves.
Does peeing in my pants count as a sudden move?
Don't drop me, Charlie.
-Wait a minute. Take your clothes off. -You take your clothes off.
No, he smells the roast beef.
The turkey from the buffet. That's what he's after.
Nice kitty. Pretty kitty.
Wouldn't hurt the nice men, would you?
No, we're stinky.
You want the yummy clothes. That's what you want.
[SNARLS]
It's Jackie!
[GROWLING ]
Did I say Jackie? I meant jacket.
Enjoy the nice jacket. Plenty of juice.
Careful, Jackie! Bob and weave!
Bob and weave!
Hey, you two! What do you think you're doing?
Turn out the lights when you leave.
LOUIS: Run, boy! Run!
Way to go, Jackie!
That was close.
He doesn't look real happy.
I think we could be here for a while.
Unless, of course, the cage starts floating in the air for no apparent reason.
GERHARD: Now, ladies and gentlemen, we present, for your entertainment. . .
. . .an ancient feat of magic, passed down from the great Pharaohs.
[CROWD CLAPPING ]
Where once there was a beautiful girl. . .
. . .now prowls a majestic beast.
LOUIS: Ah! Hello. . . .
Holy moly, I don't believe it.
Me neither. I didn't even know they was in show business.
See, if we could just explain. . .
. . .my friend Charlie and I, we're the chosen ones.
And stay out. You're just lucky Gary's in a good mood.
I don't feel lucky.
Funny, neither do I.
RONALD: Where's the kangaroo? CHARLIE: We lost him.
-Which way did he go? -We have no idea.
Well, then, tell me this. How come you're half naked?
Well, if you must know, we were trapped in a cage with a panther. . .
. . .and the only way we could save ourselves was by taking off our clothes.
Ta-da!
Fine. You don't wanna tell me, don't tell me.
CHARLIE: Don't start.
Okay, seriously, how come you're in your underwear?
CDR249. Got it.
Now, if we could just figure out where that kangaroo went.
MAN [ON SPEAKER] : What a night it has been at the Conquistador.
One more round to decide the heavyweight championship of the world.
So strap yourselves in, folks, here we go!
A right! A left!
Another left!
And oh! A kiss to the forehead! Who would have thought it?
The thunder from down under, this unheralded kid from the outback...
...is taking it to the champ.
And Killer is clearly frustrated.
He's been chasing the young challenger for 15 rounds and he is starting to tire.
Stand still so's I can "murdalize" you.
Things are getting kanga-licious!
Just look at the footwork on this gutsy little roo.
-Hey, come back here! Come back! -Oh, mate.
[RAPPING "MAMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT"]
MAN [ON SPEAKER] : And Killer is down! He is down!
That's it, folks. We have a new heavyweight champion of the world...
...and his name is Kangaroo Jack.
You did it, Jackie, you did it!
You did it! You did it, Jackie! You did it!
-What are you doing? -How did I end up on the floor?
You didn't end up on the floor, you ended up on me.
Now, roll your big butt off of me.
What a dream!
Jackie Legs won the heavyweight championship of the world. . .
-. . .and I was his manager. -Was I in the dream?
Oh, sure. I think you were a towel boy.
Towel boy?
Oh-oh. I smell sausage!
Good to see you're finally up.
You guys might wanna watch this. We're on TV.
Our top story began last night, here at the Las Vegas airport.
In a daring heist, smugglers escaped an FBI stakeout...
...and made off with a prized kangaroo...
...carrying an untold amount of priceless jewels.
Jewels? What are they talking about?
NEWSCASTER: We now go to FBI Agent Jackson.
We got a tip. Person or persons believed to be connected with organized crime...
...have been using animals to smuggle gems into the country.
The kangaroo was their latest attempt.
The kangaroo, who was ticketed for the animal sanctuary...
...run by famed TV host and animal lover Outback Ollie...
...engineered an escape of his own on the Las Vegas Strip and is still at large.
They haven't found Jackie yet.
We go now to TV host Outback Ollie.
I don't care a lick about any smugglers. I'm just worried about my little roo.
My poor, defenseless little roo.
The smugglers, pictured here, are believed to have connections...
...to the infamous Maggio crime syndicate in New York.
-Hey, that's us. -In fact, Charlie Carbone is the stepson...
...of none other than Mafia kingpin Sal Maggio.
Clearly, the apple does not fall far from the tree.
I don't believe this.
Also involved, a large emu, although authorities are not quite sure how.
-This is not good. -What are they talking about? Jewels?
Oh, no. The collar. Jackie's collar.
That's what all those bumps must have been. The jewels.
Jewels? Did you say jewels?
Listen, if we're talking gems here, I want in. My slice of the pie.
After all, I did drive the getaway car.
And even though y'all held out on me, I'm willing to forgive.
We don't have any jewels, Ronald.
-Oh, so it's like that, is it? -We didn't smuggle any jewels.
No, but somebody else did, and we got in the way.
[PHONE RINGING ]
Hello?
[WOMAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
Oh, hello, Mrs. Sperling.
It's this crazy customer of mine.
She's got her house booby-trapped, waiting for aliens from outer space.
I'm sorry, what was that, Mrs. Sperling? Uh-huh.
Well, trust me, there's no such thing as a 6-foot red possum. . .
. . .and even if there was, they don't sit on their hind legs. . . .
Mrs. Sperling, I'll be right out.
Here, put these on. I'll load up the truck.
With our luck, it'll probably turn out to be a 6-foot-tall red possum.
[KNOCKING ]
LOUIS: Ronald, what did you forget?
Charlie Carbone? We need to talk.
You just missed him.
Maybe if you come back in, oh, say, two days...
RICO: Yeah, right.
-Mr. Carbone? -Yes, sir.
There you are, Charlie. I've been looking all over for you!
You know what this is about.
-The jewels? -Exactly.
We were looking for a new shampoo. . .
. . .and then we ran into Jackie Legs.
-He's the kangaroo. -Yes, sir, what she said.
He's the kangaroo and he's our friend and we gave him red licorice. . .
. . .and then we tried to save him, but we ended up in a box with a big bird. . .
. . .who kept pecking Charlie on the head and. . . .
Do you mind if I get a drink? I'm kind of parched.
Go ahead. I get that way all the time.
Look, don't get the wrong idea. We're here to help.
We know you didn't pack those gems in Australia.
That's right.
Just turn them over to us and we'll straighten this whole thing out. . .
. . .and get the real bad guys.
We don't have them. But we know where they are.
Where?
[IMITATES KUNG FU SOUNDS]
Louis, are you out of your mind? You just assaulted two cops.
Do you know how much trouble we're in now?
They were helping us.
I don't think so. I've been chased by a lot of cops. . .
. . .but none of them wearing high-top sneakers.
Hey! Charlie! It's the man with the smiling forehead!
CHARLIE: What? -And the guy with a snake on his arm.
JESSIE: Just like Chief Ankamuti described.
Then the jewels in Jackie's collar must be the gems stolen from the tribe.
And these are the guys who stole them. Which means...
We gotta get to Jackie before anyone else does.
If we can get the jewels, we can prove we're innocent. Otherwise...
We may be going to prison for a very long time.
No, what it means is, we got nothing to worry about.
Don't you see, Charlie? We are the chosen ones.
Right. The chosen ones.
Good thinking, Louis.
[CAR BACKFIRING ]
I guess Ronald wants his slice to be the whole pie.
Now what?
-Address book, keys to the limo. -Let's do it.
[GROANING ]
[IMITATING KUNG FU SOUNDS]
Don't mess with the chosen ones.
[WHISTLING ]
How can you possibly be whistling at a time like this?
You're not getting it, are you, Charlie?
We are the chosen ones. Nothing can stop us.
Remember what Chief "Tutti-Frutti" said: "It is written. "
That was just a legend, a myth.
A myth, huh? Let's look at the facts.
If I hadn't let one fly in the crate back in Australia. . .
...those poachers would have found us and we would've been dead meat.
But I did let one fly.
We escaped a stakeout at the airport that we didn't even know was there.
We survived a face-to-face encounter with a vicious panther.
I knocked out two fake cops with one frying pan, twice.
If that's not enough, Ronald probably has three customers to his name. . .
. . .and one of them calls and practically hands us Jackie Legs on a platter.
I'm telling you, we're invincible.
You can't really believe this.
Oh, yes, I do. It's as obvious as the nose on your...
-Louis! -Louis!
[SCREAMING ]
Whew. . . .
See? "It is written. "
[HONKING ]
Oh. . . .
Written.
What kind of thing is that?
Flying through the trees, tearing up my car.
-Man, I still got two payments left. LOUIS: Uh-huh.
Look how you dented it up.
Thanks for waiting back at the apartment.
Oh, that. Right. Well, y'all was taking so long. . .
. . .and I knew time was of the essence, you understand. . .
. . .so I made what you call an executive decision.
I was doing you a favor, trying to get here quick. . .
. . .so we could get the reward for the kangaroo and split it.
Who said anything about a reward?
Did I say reward?
I meant, saving your friend the kangaroo was reward enough for me.
I wasn't even thinking about the jewels. Because that's not even an issue.
[BARKING ]
What took you so long, and who are all these people?
They're not spacemen, are they?
No, ma'am.
-Time travelers? -Not at all.
They're my assistants.
I knew this was gonna be a big job, so I brought in the whole team.
Well, the creature's still out in the back yard.
Neil kept him at bay as best he could.
We'll get right on it.
JACKIE: Huh?
Jackie, Jackie Legs. Look what I got. Your favorite. Candy.
[GRUMBLES]
[SCREAMING ]
LOUIS: Charlie, help me!
CHARLIE: Help you? Help me!
Hey! Ronald! Jessie!
Crazy lady? Somebody cut us down.
Jackie, no. Don't go!
Man, we were this close.
Look at those beautiful gems hopping off into the sunset.
CHARLIE: A little help, please!
Well, Neil, I gotta hand it to you, I didn't think that trap would work.
My apologies.
-Are you guys all right? -Do we look all right?
You guys can sit moping if you want, but since it no longer appears. . .
. . .that I'm going to be a wealthy diamond merchant. . .
. . .I gotta go to work.
Any ideas, O chosen one?
Yep. Him. Outback Ollie.
If anyone can help us catch a kangaroo, it's that man there.
She's a real cutie-patootie, that one.
Very cute. An absolute doll.
So how can I help you folks?
-Well, you see, sir... -You look familiar.
-Have we met? -No. But we're big fans, of course.
Wait a minute, you're the blokes on the news.
-The smugglers who stole me roo. -You must be mistaken.
Save it, mate. I know who you are and I know what you did.
That's right. We're the ones who stole your kangaroo.
-Louis! LOUIS: We were there. . .
. . .when the poachers dragged him from his family.
We were trying to do the right thing and return him to where he belongs.
As for the jewels, the first we heard about them. . .
. . .was on TV, just like you.
-It's true, sir. -Suppose it is. Why come to me?
You see, we almost caught Jackie... That's our name for the kangaroo.
-We almost caught him this morning... -You know where he is?
Sort of. Last we saw, he was headed west out of town, across the desert.
He's wearing my lucky red jacket. You can't hardly miss him.
Seems we all want the same thing, the safe return of Jackie Legs.
-Then you'll help? -I like a man who stands up. . .
. . .and tells the truth. I'll be happy to help.
When we catch the guy, I'll ship him home myself.
This is great.
OLLIE: If Jackie's out on the desert, my guess is he'll head for water.
And the only water out there is Lake Mead.
I'll get you fixed up with everything you need.
Walkie-talkies, check. Binoculars, check. Ropes, check.
You folks head on out to the lake.
I've got some things I have to do here. I'll meet you as soon as I can.
Now get a move on.
[BUZZER]
Sorry, boss.
We should've taken care of them before. We won't miss again.
Not so fast. I have a better idea.
We're gonna end up with the jewels, they're gonna end up with the blame.
-They are? -All's we gotta do. . .
. . .is get to the lake before they do.
Thanks to the helicopter, that shouldn't be much of a problem.
-I don't get it. -Just wait 30 minutes and call the cops.
MIKEY: What are you doing, boss? -A small sacrifice.
The jewels on the kangaroo are worth a thousand times what these are worth.
You see, the cops want jewels, so that's exactly what we'll give them.
[LIMO STALLING ]
You just have to have a little finesse, that's all.
CHARLIE: Nice touch.
Why does this have to happen now?
[CELL PHONE RINGING ]
[SNORING ]
Quit Bugging Me.
What do you mean, quit bugging you? I'm your cousin, dog.
No, "Quit Bugging Me. " That's the company name.
LOUIS: Ronald, we're at Outback Ollie's.
We need a ride to Lake Mead. The limo broke.
The limo broke?
Yeah, I think you got a defective car. The point is, we're desperate.
We think Jackie's out by Lake Mead and we gotta get him.
I can't just take off in the middle of the day. I got customers.
These are important people.
-Ronald! -I'm sorry, coz. No can do.
Lake Mead. . . .
What a cool guy that Outback Ollie is, letting us take this jeep.
Everything's working out. We are the chosen ones.
[CHUCKLING ]
MAN: Okay, dude, let's see what you got.
Start with, like, a nosebone, then go skeezer, slurpy. No, slurpy, skeezer.
Then, tantrum to fakie and end with a frontside tweety-bird.
Hold on, dude, this is gonna be so tight.
Whoa, wildlife in a jacket!
[SCREAMS]
Excellent.
There he is.
Tear it up! Whoa!
JESSIE: Quick, Charlie! Get him!
[WHIMPERING AND SCREAMING ]
Do you see what I see?
No, I don't believe it. It's the dude from the limo!
Hey, dude. Missed you at the party last night!
Where were you, buddy?
Okay, he's skiing. The kangaroo is skiing away.
We can't just stand here.
We don't have to. Look. The keys are still in it.
Okay, here's the plan. You guys drive, I'll ski up next to Jackie and grab him.
Foolproof. Other than the fact you can't water-ski, what could go wrong?
Hello, how hard could it be?
A kangaroo picked it up in three seconds.
[SCREAMING ]
[SCREAMING ]
It's hard! Very hard!
Charlie! We need a new plan!
Whoa!
[WHIMPERING ]
Ooh. . . .
Tear it up! This dude's hardcore, man.
JESSIE: Slow down! CHARLIE: Stop!
Look at those dudes, man, they are intense.
Wait! Wait! We need our kangaroo!
-What did he say? -I think he said, "Race, race.
-We need to see who rules. " -Excellent.
Yeah.
CHARLIE: What are they doing?
This is so cool!
CHARLIE: Will you slow down?
Hey!
Oh. Hmm. . . .
[JACKIE WHOOPING ]
All right!
Oh-oh. Ah. . . .
LOUIS: Thank you.
We're gaining on them. This is our chance!
JESSIE: Almost got him.
[RONALD SCREAMING ]
Is that...? It is!
RONALD: How do you stop these things? Whoa!
[SCREAMING ]
Louis!
LOUIS: Man overboard!
All right! Victory is ours.
A worthy challenger, and yet we remain undefeated.
As it must be.
[LOUIS GROANING ]
We had him, Louis. We had him. Until Ronald messed it up.
LOUIS: I don't think so.
Look! It's Outback Ollie and his guys.
Huh? Oh. . . .
Messed it up perfect, I'd say.
JESSIE: We did it. Jackie's safe!
Was there ever any doubt?
OLLIE: There you go, Jackie. Home at last.
Now we gotta work fast.
Put him in the cage. Switch this, and get me the red jacket.
This is beautiful.
Now all we have to do is get the collar. . .
. . .and turn the gems over to the police. Our troubles are over.
JESSIE: Hallelujah!
Ew.
[WHIMPERING ]
What are you looking at, you mangy, overgrown rat?
[LAUGHING ]
OLLIE: Hello, mates.
Outback Ollie, I love you. You are the man.
Team effort, boys, team effort. That's quite a roo, your friend Jackie.
Yeah, he sure is.
Would you mind if we talk to him for a second?
I mean, you know, petted him. Just to calm him down.
I'm not too sure he's in the mood for visitors.
But you know him better than I do.
By the way, I believe this belongs to you, Louis.
Thanks. Did I mention this is my lucky jacket?
You did indeed.
[SIRENS WAILING ]
Hold it right there! Nobody move.
[GUNS COCKING ]
No, no. Officers, this is all a big mix-up.
If you check the collar on the kangaroo, I promise we can straighten it all out.
This is really funny if you think about it. We're totally innocent. . .
-. . .but I'm sure to you, we seem... -Nothing here, sir.
-Incredibly guilty. -There has to be a mistake, officer.
I'm sure there is.
Care to explain these?
-Louis? -Louis?
No, not really.
Let's go, you're all under arrest.
I don't know what to say. They seemed like good blokes.
I wasn't sure if calling you was the thing to do.
But I reckon now it's lucky I did.
You got that right, sir.
But I don't think you understand. You can't do this.
You see, my friend Charlie and I, we're the chosen ones.
No kidding. I'll tell you what:
I'll let you choose which cell we throw you in.
Get them out of here.
You're not really shipping that kangaroo to Australia, are you?
I could, but I think it would be cheaper to feed him to the crocs, don't you?
Hey, look. It's them! The fake cops!
-Are you sure? -Yeah, right there. I'm positive.
Wait, they're with Outback Ollie. I don't understand.
-Me neither. -Well, don't look at me.
I'm still trying to figure out how those jewels got in my pocket.
G'day, boys and girls!
G'day, Outback Ollie!
OLLIE: What a show we have for you today.
A show of Australian all-stars.
Kenny the koala, Eric the echidna, and our special guest, Jackie Legs. . .
. . .the most amazing kangaroo you've ever laid your eyes on.
[CROWD CHEERING ]
CHARLIE: Who had time to switch the collar before we got to shore?
Outback Ollie.
And who handed Louis the red jacket with those jewels planted in the pocket?
Outback Ollie.
And whose van did the guys who stole the gems in Australia get out of?
-Outback Ollie! -You're right! Now it all makes sense.
The guys who stole the gems from the aborigines. . .
. . .are trying to get them back and they think Outback Ollie has them.
Oh, no, Outback Ollie is in trouble!
Outback Ollie is behind everything. He's the smuggler, and he framed us.
Didn't quite connect the dots on that one, did you, Louis?
Guard! Guard! We need a lawyer!
You guys get one phone call.
One's all I need. I'll be right back.
I know we're right. If only we could prove it.
Don't worry, I'll think of something.
[CELL PHONE RINGING ]
-Hello? LOUIS: Charlie.
What's the name of that lawyer, the one that's always on TV?
I have no idea what you're talking about.
Louis, please tell me this isn't your one phone call.
Oops. My bad.
Hey, you. You can't have that phone in here.
[MEN COUGHING ]
RONALD: Everybody clear out! We got an infestation here.
-What are you talking about? RONALD: Roaches.
You got roaches running up and down this whole place.
And termites too. Big termites.
Just eating up everything, walls and floors and shoes and...
-Nobody told me anything. RONALD: I got a work order right here.
Straight from the chief of police.
The man said, "gas the place," and that's exactly what I'm gonna do.
[GUARD COUGHING ]
RONALD: What are you coughing about? It's dry ice and grape juice.
I can't believe this. What are you doing here?
Hey, I might have tried to beat you to the jewels, but we're still blood.
CHARLIE: Ronald?
Here, put these on.
We're getting out of here. We got a smuggler to catch.
OLLIE: And this, boys and girls, is a northern hairy-nosed wombat. . .
. . .the most endangered mammal in all of Australia.
Can anyone name another endangered creature?
CHARLIE: Yeah. You, Ollie.
After we get through with you.
That's right. You're gonna be right up there with the dodo bird.
Cut the feed.
Boys and girls, we'll be right back.
I'm not happy about all this nonsense. We're taping a show, didn't you notice?
-Now, what exactly do you want? -The gems.
-We know everything. -Oh, do you, now?
I don't have time for this. Rico, call the cops.
LEAD AGENT: That won't be necessary.
Charlie, Louis and Jessie. What a squad.
Next time you try and escape, I suggest a car. . .
. . .without a huge bug on top.
It took us three seconds to find that baby in the lot.
Officer, you have to give us a chance. Just listen, please.
[DIDGERIDOO PLAYING ]
It is them!
The one with the smiling forehead and the one who carries a snake on his arm.
Oh, boy.
They came into our village. They stole our treasure from the sacred cave.
The gems of our ancestors.
What on earth is he talking about? Is this true, boys? I'm ashamed of you.
LEAD AGENT: You're under arrest.
-It was him. -He made us do it, honest.
Set up the whole deal.
Nobody move, or Jessie here goes for a little swim with the crocs.
And if I ain't mistaken, it's just about feeding time.
Don't do it, Ollie! Think of the kids!
The kids? I hate the kids. Every last rotten one of them.
-Screaming and crying all day long. CHILDREN: Boo!
Shut up, you little brats. And those stinking animals.
If I never see another crocodile again my whole life, it'll be too soon.
Now give me those jewels, Rico.
I've worked too hard for this to lose it now.
I'll just make my way to the helicopter, no one will get hurt. . .
. . .and you'll never have to see me again.
-What do we do? -What can we do?
Good answer. Smart. Very smart.
[LAUGHING ]
[KUNG FU SOUNDS]
[CHEERING ]
Why, you...!
OLLIE: Mommy!
Are you okay?
I'm fine. Thanks to Jackie.
Jackie, you are the greatest.
Looks like I owe you a big apology.
Although you have to admit, shipping yourselves over in that crate. . .
-. . .was a little odd. -Not for us.
I'm just glad everything worked out.
You all have done a wonderful thing, saving the gems of my people.
Now, if you don't mind, I'll just take the gems of my people and keep them safe.
You know, for the long trip back to the tribe.
Did I mention they were the gems of my people?
Ronald.
Actually, officer, these guys know the real owners.
Well, Jackie, it's time to get back home to Australia.
Don't worry, boy, we'll take them too.
Ow!
Hey, look who it is.
Just in time. Looks like we're all going home.
ANKAMUTl: This is a great day.
You have returned the power to our tribe.
We will flourish once again.
Well, it's not like we had a choice. After all, we are the chosen ones.
Not necessarily. You see, we discovered a second painting.
As fate would have it, you are not the chosen ones.
-We're not? -Actually, according to legend. . .
. . .you were supposed to have been eaten by dingoes last Thursday.
Not the chosen ones?
Louis, don't you see what this means? You did all that stuff on your own.
Jessie's right. You don't have to be a chosen one to do great things.
You just have to believe in yourself.
How do you like that? I'm a chosen one without being chosen.
Charlie, Louis, Jessie. . .
. . .we are forever indebted to you.
-I smell a reward. -Shh!
You will receive the greatest gift my people possess. . .
. . .more valuable than our most precious jewels.
I like the sound of that.
But first, I want you to have these.
Pango pangos. The most fragrant berry in the world.
Oh, for our new shampoo. You remembered. Thank you.
Yeah, that's great. Now, if you could just skip on down to the big one.
Very well.
[SPEAKING IN NATIVE LANGUAGE]
We call upon the ancestors, and upon the rainbow serpent.
Awaken from the dreamtime.
Give me your hands.
Here.
From the great gods of fire, water, sky and earth. . .
. . .you are now one with nature.
Excuse me?
One with nature.
That's it?
[LAUGHING ]
Trust me. This is a beauty.
I said it before, I'll say it again, that chief is a lunatic. "One with nature. "
Hey, Jackie, bet it's good to be home with the family, huh?
You can say that again.
CHARLIE: Jackie?
-You can talk? -Naturally.
I've been talking the whole time, you just haven't been listening.
One with nature. We're one with nature!
This is unbelievable.
What's unbelievable is one minute I'm taking a drink out of a pond. . .
. . .the next thing I know, I'm in Vegas with Elvis.
Still, I guess if it wasn't for you, I'd be in the belly of some crocodile right now.
-Hey, that's what friends are for. -We are friends, aren't we?
You got that right, mate. Friends for life.
Sorry about pecking your head, Charlie. It's just, I love that sound.
Rather like an empty coconut.
Okay, good to know.
It was bad enough being in that cage, but what really cheesed me off. . .
. . .that bonehead calling me Eric. "Eric the echidna. " My name is Larry.
Boy, that is rough. Let me ask you something:
Does this make me look scary? Or am I just kidding myself?
[CAMEL FARTING ]
Oh, nice one.
[FARTING ]
[GROANING ]
Sorry, got ahold of some bad hay.
Yep, one with nature.
Subtitles by SDl Media Group
[ENGLISH SDH]