Friends Enemies Apples Apples

Transcription

Here we will explore true facts about the fruit bat. There are many species of fruit bat. Most of these are megabats. This means they're in the suborder of Megachiroptera and the family Pteropodidae. Yes, the Latins went a little apesh*t with the naming of things, which is, however, lucky because if YouTube had done the naming these would all be called "big-ass bat check out my tumblr you dick weed .com" The megabat fruit bats include the largest true flying mammals in the world: the flying fox. Which is a bat. The largest of these can have wing spans of over five feet. Luckily, they eat fruit. Unlike the bird, the bat wing is made of a thin membrane of skin stretching between its body, arm, hand, and very long creepy fingers. When resting, the megabat uses its wing to surround itself like a blanket. It hangs upside down with the help of its cool little feet in order to create a chimney in the event of a dutch oven. Thank you, Urban Dictionary. This is important because the megabat possesses an amazing sense of smell. Unlike the microbat, the megabat does not possess echolocation. This is because with the exception of the guava, fruit does not give up much chase. Here you can see different parts of the megabat's anatomy. Its wings, its tiny round kneecaps... Wait, those aren't kneecaps. What are you doing, you're licking-? Oh my. Let's just pretend they're kneecaps. For amusement, groups of megabats hang on trees and using the raincoat that evolution has given them, they flash one another. Mega-dirty. Megabat. Partially due to the fact that these animals are eaten as a delicacy, they are endangered and sometimes their babies must be raised in the cutest damn sanctuaries in the world. Meet Eric. Eric is not a megabat. Eric is one of the few microbat fruit bats. When he was young, some of the other microbats called him Vagina-Face. No one ever referred to him as a flying fox. In fact, he was given the nickname Flying-F*ck, but those bats were idiots because Eric is a sensitive and wonderful fruit bat. He even writes poetry about grapes. And while those other bats live empty lives judging the world by how it looks, Eric focused on what was inside and he found Lily. and the two of them have better sex than all the rest of them.