Creature Comforts - 2-11 - Self Image (-2ch).srt (DOWNLOAD SUBTITLES)
Ithinkeverybody, when they look in the mirror, has got their mirror face
and you can see them do it.
They look one way and then they look in the mirror,
and they change their face before they look in the mirror
to see the face that they want to see in the mirror.
And I do that as well.
And then, occasionally, I catch myself in the mirror
before I've put the mirror face on
and it's generally an unpleasant experience.
"Right, girls, let's talk about how you look. Who's the best looking one?"
-Well, it's hard to say. -Julie's got lovely sides.
-She's twice the size of Claire. -Oh, thanks very much.
Joan and I have a problem with hair growth.
-Well, I'm a freak of nature. -At least you haven't got a beard.
No, I haven't got a beard.
I can smile. I haven't got perfect teeth and owt.
I mean, teeth not perfect but I can smile.
I've got a tash and that and I can be...
Sometimes I can be the life and soul of the party,
but, aye, looks is looks, no really.
The look is very important to me, yes.
But I don't know. I mean, you know, I've got laughing smiles,
Iaughing lines or whatever you call them.
But no, not really.
I'm not vain from that point of view.
I think it's got to come from inside.
You know, if you feel good about yourself, you look good.
If you all listen to your own body,
your body, your inner sense,
will tell you what you shouldn't be eating.
But then, it's like bananas.
I absolutely love bananas
but my body doesn't like bananas
I'm a, what I call a funny sort of eater, really.
I'm the sort of eater
that sits about thinking about food for a while.
And I might think about it for a long time.
And I might think what it is I'd like to eat.
And then I might just go past the time when I want to eat.
And I sit about and think about it a bit more and then I go off to bed.
The Atkins diet isn't...
There's like bacon, sausages, eggs, fried bread.
They call it the Atkins diet. That's why they call it the Atkins diet.
No, the Fatkins diet, I think that one is.
Two days later I come out and then I do some scarfing.
You do a day's troughing and swoffing for nothing. I do a bit of scarfing.
And then, actually, I eat a lot.
Oh, yeah. I'm afraid I'm not anorexic.
I'm a little on the large side.
And I suppose if I could lose weight...
But then, you know,
you can't make a mouse out of a rat, can you, really?
So, no, my physical appearance is
-I'm well covered. -Nose jobs.
Oh, I've got a big nose as well. I didn't say about...
I didn't say about my nose.
Oh, yeah, thanks for pointing that out, Hannah. You're supposed to be...
You're supposed to be somebody, you know...
Yes.
Yes, I'd like my nose to be made smaller.
There's nothing wrong with your nose or your face.
It's a very good face.
You've got a very good profile and it's a very good face.
Thank you, Muriel. You're my friend for life.
That'll cost you something later.
I can curl me tongue. Look.
I can do that better than you.
-You either you can or you can't though. -I know.
-Some people, it's impossible. -But mine curls more than yours. Look.
-What's the matter with mine? -Yours is half curled.
No, yours is half curled. Yours aren't touching.
-Yours is... Yours is... -Mine is wrapping over.
Each side is wrapping over the other.
-It's not. It's sticking out. -We cannot see it
'cause you've got it stuck between your lips.
-Push it down. -Oh yeah, that's good.
But they say if you make faces
and someone hits you on the side of your face, you stay like that.
If they've got something that sticks out and it doesn't make them look very...
They'll never be popular, the way they look.
I'm all in favor of them getting plastic surgery.
But once you get it done for sort of vanity's sake, like,
"l want a cute little nose" or, "l want a cute little chin"
and, "Get rid of me Adam's apple" and all, that's just vanity, that.
I've got no time for that.
And, I mean, it's all these rich film stars who get it.
And deep down inside, honestly, sometimes I hope it all backfires.
Sometimes I hope they stand too close to the fire and their face melts or something.
And I'll just say, "lt serves you right."
Crackerjack.
-Buttocks? -Buttocks.
BOTOX.
BOTOX.
I thought we said "buttocks."
Buttocks is good
when it's large and nice and firm. It's not very nice when it's not there.
Buttocks. Long live, "vive" buttocks!
That's all I can say.
The more the merrier.
-BOTOX. -BOTOX.
Would you take it, though?
No, not really. I don't want to straighten out my wrinkles.
What do I want to straighten out my wrinkles for? That's strange.
You should give it to them little Chinese dogs with the funny faces.
See what that's like. That'd be interesting.
You know, the ones with the squeezed up faces. I don't know what they're like.
Inject the BOTOX into its face.
Shouldn't have done it to humans first.
Should have done it to the dog, see what it looks like, then you know.
-For real. For real. -lf it works, then fine.
Well, actually, I'm quite happy as I am.
What about liposuction?
I don't know. It's not happening to me.
It's not happening to me or my friends. I don't know. Liposuction.
Where did it come from? Liposuction, they put
the jiggle from your butt into your lips.
Oh, is that the liposuction, is it?
Is that the lips?
Lip-o-who? No, I don't need liposuction.
My lips are full enough as it is already. It's what I'm blessed with.
No, that's when they suck the fat out of you.
I answered the question. I answered my piece already.
-I don't know what you're jumping in for. -Liposuction.
That's when they suck the fat out of you, isn't it?
Well, liposuction is all right if you have to do it, but...
Why would it be all right?
Why would anybody want to have lips different from what they have already?
No, liposuction. I mean, suck... To have the fat sucked out of them.
The same thing, man!
No, not the lips! What are you going on with the lips, man?
You doing some lips business? What's the lips?
I just seem to remember that there was a time
when that extra bit of cush and comfort and jiggle
was the extra silken layer.
You know, what happened to that association?
I don't really want to change, you know. I mean, it's a bit late now, darling.
You know, I think that I look bloody good
and I don't want to change.
I'm happy about... With the way I am.
I'm sure if I put a paper bag over the top of me head,
I'd look a lot better.
I tried that but the problem is you just keep bumping into things, so...
Okay, don't do that. Don't ruin your life. Don't look ugly in the street.
Okay, please, it's not nice for the environment.
Die young and stay pretty, that's what I say.
I think it's better to be old. Old and wise, to tell you the truth.
I mean young and beautiful, it's nice.
It's nice to be young and beautiful, I suppose, if you want that sort of life.
But I suppose it's nice to be young and beautiful
if you can move on to being old and wise.
You know, so you're young and beautiful and lose your beauty a little bit
as you get older and then become...
It'd be nice to have a bit of both, wouldn't it, really?
I think everyone should have a Geordie accent and a tash,
even the women.
But otherwise, just be happy with what you've got.
And don't look in mirrors.
I'd like some more hair.