Creature Comforts - 1-12 - Cats Or Dogs (-2ch).srt (DOWNLOAD SUBTITLES)
Well, the difference between cats and dogs.
Cats don't wag their tail like a dog, and they...
Yes, they do.
-Sometimes they do. -Not all the time.
-They don't go... -No, they don't do that.
And they don't sit and go...
-And they don't fetch balls as well as dogs. -They don't.
One's got a waggy tail and a cold nose...
and the claws are, like, totally contracted all the time.
Whereas the other one contract their claws...
and it's got sharper teeth and pointed ears.
Which one's which?
The cats are the ones with contracted claws and, like, sharp teeth...
and the sharp pointed ears.
Excuse me. I think I'm an oddity.
I've got a foot in both camps really...
and I appreciate either animal...
for very different qualities.
-Well, I like dogs better that cats though. -I don't.
They seem to be more friendly somehow.
Dogs, like, greet you, whereas cats just sit. They can sleep for so long.
Cats can appear to be lazy...
but I don't think they are.
They have big claws, like bears...
and they look like bears.
They just sit about all day and get fed and go...
I find cats, they claw the carpet a lot.
They're a complete nuisance actually.
I think you get more out of a dog in response.
-They're more interesting, aren't they? -I think they're thicker than cats personally.
-Do you? -I do.
And I go "Shut up."
I used to be a chaser myself, but, I mean...
it's about what?
It's all about competitiveness, know what I mean?
You see these blokes and it's like they've been let off a lead.
You know what I mean.
-There's more to life, man. -Yeah, it's like watching hounds after a hare.
I've been bitten by dogs, I've been bitten by cats.
I've been bitten by...
You name it, I'll claim it.
Once I was walking past a house...
and the door suddenly flew open...
and a dog with a head the size of Albania...
jumped out, and its teeth were an inch away from my face...
and its mouth was so big...
I could have lived inside that mouth quite comfortably...
and I was nearly killed.
I've been chased by a Great Dane, a slavering big thing...
and it frightened me.
I've been bitten by a beagle.
I've been chased by an Old English sheepdog...
which was...
I would say that was a springboard into me becoming a Christian.
You always say dogs come sniffing at your private parts.
-Do l? -That's one thing you always say.
They told me they're not, that they're just being affectionate.
Dogs wag their tails to get the smell of their farts away...
and the cat just walks around with its tail in the air.
Dogs, I like very much...
because of their great intelligence...
and loyalty generally...
and just so animated and, you know...
they're great chums.
I don't think I've ever had fleas.
I think the closest I ever got was scabies, and that was quite bad enough.
You would entirely cover your body from head to toe...
with this alcohol solution...
and there was always this sort of nagging doubt that some part of your anatomy...
would catch light like a fuse...
and it would just be an enormous blue puff.
I think the best thing to do is to put on some flea powder...
which you get from the vet.
But it's probably not a good idea to have a good scratch...
because that makes it red and raw and bit rough and everything.
You know, I've never had any breed that's been a kind of...
a pampered pooch.
They breed these mutant dogs, don't they...
and give them awards for how mutated they look.
If it's a perfect mutant, it's got a pedigree...
but if you cross-breed it with another mutant, it's called the mongrel.
Most pedigree dogs, to get them perfect, they got things wrong with them.
It's either the bull terrier. The bulldog can hardly breathe...
'cause they're bred into them that flattened face. It's a bulldog, isn't it...
and a lot of the breeds have suffered, the ones they show at Crufts.
They look ridiculous with silly bows. They look stupid.
I'm certainly a loyal companion...
but I have to say I've been let down a lot, too, in my life.
I might be very loyal, but, I do, like my father said before me.
He said, "You trust everybody once"...
and that's what I do.
I trust everybody once no matter who they are.
So, I'm loyal...
to the point of disloyalty.
Cats on the other hand...
they are the clever ones.
They give humans nothing.
I'm not a cat person, no. They're not loving enough and they hiss a bit...
and they don't do anything.
They just wee all over the garden and leave brown stains all over the grass...
and just make a nuisance of themselves.
I've defecated outside, of course I have, you know what I mean.
If you step in dog mess...
then it's not very hygienic...
and it's not very... It's just not nice.
You kind of get an antennae, it's like, it's the...
What's going on over there, sidestepping.
And if you can't sidestep it, make sure you come through it.
Because at the end of the day, cats when they go to the toilet...
they clean up and they cover up after them...
and that's got to be a sign of higher intelligence.
That's a dirty, filthy business...
and that ought to be stopped totally.
Well, I think dogs are more... For a start, I think they smell more.
Whereas, a cat, you can leave a cat to it.
Whereas, with a dog...
But if you've got a burglar coming in your house, at least a dog makes a noise.
-A cat wouldn't-- -But you could throw the cat at the burglar.
That's a silly thing to say.
Dogs are more interesting and that's the end of it.
No, it's not the end of it.
We'll just have to agree to disagree then.
I've got a lovely smile because my mom says so.
I look good for my age, too.
No?
No, I think I'm...
No.