Creature Comforts - 1-08 - The Pet Shop (-2ch).srt (DOWNLOAD SUBTITLES)
I love this environment. I mean, it's great fun.
The one thing everybody has in common when they walk through that door is...
they love their animals.
Most pet shops are quite loud because they have birds in them.
They're always, sort of, singing, if you can call it singing.
And there's lots of cages...
and sometimes you can put your fingers through the bar...
and tickle what's ever inside, like a rabbit.
At the end of the day, most of it's the "ooh" factor, the "aaw" factor, you know.
It's "Aaw, look at that, you know, cute little kitten."
It's awful to think...
that we're sitting there waiting for somebody...
to pluck us out of the air, and take us home, and keep us forever.
But at the same time, I'm never brave enough...
to make the first move and go up to somebody and say:
"Right, you, how about taking me home and looking after me"...
"and loving me and cherishing me?"
I think, yeah, go for things that are obvious.
Dogs and cats and the like.
I mean, there's all sorts of people.
They have things in their bathrooms and all sorts...
alligators and that sort of thing.
Wouldn't have it in my bathroom, I can say.
No, wouldn't.
He's called Chester...
and he is very long when he stretches himself out.
If you annoy him...
his eyes, sort of, widen a bit.
I don't think I'm awful-looking, I think I'm all right-looking.
People always say that I've got very open, honest eyes.
So I think that I would be pretty nice to have around...
and have hanging about the place on the sofa.
I don't know.
A lot old nonsense, I think, really.
So, I mean, you need to spend proper amounts of money on things...
but, you see, some of these dogs that people have about...
no, I don't think you need to spend a lot on.
Dog toys. Well, they love running and fetching things.
So we've got balls on ropes...
and lots of dogs, especially the smaller dog, like a Yorkshire terrier...
Iikes a squeaky toy...
that's a high-pitched one...
or just for a laugh, we've got ones that'll go...
We went to a friend's last weekend...
and this poor little hamster's in this wheel thing for its exercise--
It had a little car, it was a Volkswagen Beetle...
with a wheel in the middle...
and it actually, by working the wheel...
moved across the carpet.
Poor old hamsters running round on the wheel. Why do they do it?
Those fellas, daft as a two bob watch I should think.
Them poor bloody hamsters thinking:
"l could get out of here in about two minutes flat"...
and then they find out they ain't going nowhere.
Just like the rest of us.
We're all on the bloody wheel ourselves, aren't we?
Dogs are just stupid. People go on about--
Not as stupid as stick insects.
Stick insects are the most stupid creatures in the world.
I mean, look at me pretending to be a log, isn't that clever?
I'm a little twig, isn't that great? I mean, dogs are far better than that.
I think cats make good pets.
There's quite a lot cats with bad breath though.
That's what I don't like about them.
-Cats? -Yeah.
I like stick insects. I once got a train journey with two of them, it was brilliant.
I know, and I very much like a stick insect...
but not as an intellectual conversationalist.
Hey, have you seen my log impression?
"Yes." Doesn't go much further than that, does it?
Stick insects don't have a developed vocal tract. That wouldn't happen.
I think, though, dogs are stupid.
I don't really like snakes. Spiders I can live with...
but I've never touched a snake.
I almost did, but no, they're not our thing.
I feel isolated, I feel alone...
I think I can hear something scraping on the outside...
I don't know what it is.
I'd like there to be someone here with me.
Snakes can be dangerous to other pets.
They can swallow things whole.
And they do eat mice and small rodents whole...
without chewing.
Now, I like the furries...
and the tortoises 'cause they got tortoises. I love tortoises.
Of course they're still asleep at the moment.
Sleep's really important to me.
I go through passages when I need to have a lot of it...
and it's just gorge.
Man, come on, it must be in the top three of everybody's list.
Your bed. Top three, top two, top one, maybe the top...
my bed, wow.
Sometimes the pets, when people are looking...
will actually do something to say, "I'm the one you want."
"Here I am. You want me, have me."
It's like I've been sitting on a bench with all of my friends.
It's like being at a dance.
One by one, somebody's coming up and taking them away...
and then there's just me.
How much am I worth?
I would find it very hard to put a value on that.
On a good day, I would say that I'd be worth a fair lump sum.
Do I say a million pounds or do I say 10 million?
I don't think I'm that valuable.
I think I'm worth about £142 probably.
At the end of the day, if you're the right person, you can buy me for 10p.
But the rest of the time, on days when maybe I'm feeling a bit grumpy...
and having an off day with people...
and I'm not in my normal friendly state of mind...
I wouldn't pay a penny for me.
I'd throw me back and choose another one.
I wouldn't put a price ticket on myself.
No, not at all.
-No. -I wouldn't even sell you.
I wouldn't sell you either.
I don't know if I worry about being left on the shelf...
because at the end of the day...
I've come through, sort of, many years of being on my own...
and having a really great time.
And I think if I was on my own, I'd just continue to live life...
and at this standard I wouldn't have a lot to complain about.
I've sort of been on and off the shelf, as they say, really.
There's been a time when I thought I was on the shelf...
and then I got took off again.
Everyone gets rejection in life, and when you're younger...
you're even more able to actually cope with that, I think...
and bounce back...
and, you know, you're not on the shelf for long.
I know that it will be okay in the end...
but I am very pessimistic.
I think it's gonna take a long time before I get out of here.
The icing on the cake would be the partner or the companion...
who would be there with me for the next number of years.
And so I'm nicely happy now in my life...
having been took off the shelf...
and that's like a nice family that I'm in now...
and that's a very comfortable sort of feeling.
Jill has a tendency, most mornings actually...
to claim that at some point in the previous night...
I farted very loudly.
I think snakes and spiders are more scared of you...
than you are of them.
I have a phobia of being shut in an incredibly small space...
and my ultimate...
the idea of being buried alive with no space in a box...
Oh, man.