Asterix and Cleopatra (1968).srt (DOWNLOAD SUBTITLES)
About two thousand years ago in the time of Cleopatra, queen of Egypt...
The Egyptians talked like this:
This language was rather difficult to understand.
So the film you are about to see has been dubbed into English. However...
due to the fact that dubbing techniques had not been perfected in this period...
you may notice that the movement of lips is not always synchronised exactly...
with the words being spoken.
And now after this interesting and instructive prologue...
...and as for the saying that we Egyptians, who are the descended from the
great Gods, have built things proudly... Well it's a disgrace, it's a shame...
it's absurd, ridiculous and its just plain silly and there's nothing else...
to add unless it's to say that your stable is infamous, oh Caesar!
But you really do have to face the facts oh Queen, that Egypt is decadent.
My people have built the pyramids, the tower of Souls and the temples, the Obelix!
A long time ago I might add. - Enough!
I Cleopatra, will prove my people aren't decadent! In exactly three months...
I will have a magnificent palace built for you, here in Alexandria.
Very well then. If you win your bet I will admit the...
Egyptian people are still powerful.
She's a nice girl but her nose is easily put out of joint, it's a pretty nose too.
Edephus! I have summoned you because you're the best architect in Alexandria...
not that that is saying very much, your building crumble.
They are the laughing stock for those that don't live in them.
Well you see, actually what I like to build is pyramids.
Silence! you have three months to make good, you are to build a...
magnificent palace here in Alexandria for Julius Caesar.
What three months? - If you succeed I'll cover you...
with gold, if not, I will have you thrown to the crocodiles. Go!
Three months! Well I need someone who can work magic to help me do that.
A magician, oh I got it, I know the very man!
I'm training him to carry the menhirs - In the meantime what about a boar?
Where do I find the Druid, Getafix? - Up that tree, under the mistletoe.
Getafix!
What a pleasant surprise!
Meet my dear old friend Edephus, he's an Architect from Alexandria.
Well I've been told to build a palace for Caesar within three months, and...
if I don't, Cleopatra will throw me to the crocodiles.
Are crocodiles good to eat Asterix? - Be quiet!
And if you won't help me, I'll never get it done.
Now you mustn't cry Edephus, I'm coming back to Egypt with you.
By yourself? Do you mean it?
We're off on a long sea voyage Dogmatix. - You're not going to take him along!
Why not mister Asterix? - Because he's far too small for such...
a long journey Mr. Obelix, so you go and pack.
Oh sure, I'm just an extra to fill in, non one ever listens to me.
My friends, the best of luck to you and I hope the sky never falls on your heads.
I will now sing a for you a little farewell tune.
Oh no!
Philistine!
That was me barking, woof woof. Can't I even bark now?
All right you idiot, let Dogmatix out of the bag.
Weight anchor now, send the bags up - Hoist the bags up
In Egypt we'll have to contend with a lot of difficulties and...
there's always the danger of meeting pirates.
We'll look after the pirates, won't we? - Oh sure.
Ship to starboard!
The pirates! The pirates!
Yoohoo, yoohoo wait for us we are coming, yoohoo!
Right then me hearties, don't loose your nerve. We'll comer them, we'll cut...
their throats, we'll have their guts, we will throw them in, sink the lot of them.
Same old drill as usual, wait till a I give the word then board them.
Come on board them! - Did you say board us?
I'll be right with you.
I hope I didn't keep you waiting.
That's not fair.
Did you say board us?
Did you say board us?
Obelix, come on.
Come on let's go. - Right Asterix, but there's still one...
pirate left up there! - No, no!
You say board us? -Same old drill as usual boy!
And one fine night after a long calm voyage, unbroken by further incident...
the ship approaches the end of its peaceful voyage.
What's that light on the horizon?
That's the tower of Pharaoh, it guides ship into the harbour...
we'll be in Alexandria tomorrow.
A tower for guiding ships in? They're crazy these Egyptians.
Cleopatra's bath! - Queen Cleopatra's bath!
Queen Cleopatra's bath!
Bring Cleopatra's soap! - Bring Cleopatra's soap!
Bring Cleopatra's soap!
Bring Cleopatra's lion! - Bring Cleopatra's lion!
Bring Cleopatra's lion!
Oh my Queen, this are my friends from Gaul, a powerful magician and...
two brave warriors, who have come to help me in my task.
Well get going, you really don't have much time.
If you succeed there will be gold for all, if not you'll be thrown to the crocodiles.
And by the way, I warn you that your rival Ardefus isn't please that I chose you...
and not him to build the palace and he's
jealous. If you want to know what I think...
he'd love to see you wind up inside... - A Crocodile
That is right. Now go!
She's bad tempered but what a pretty nose. - Yes very pretty.
Now I'll take you to my place.
That's my work there. I designed that one too.
And that is another one of mine.
That was one mine too.
And this is my house. - I might have guessed it.
The door is jammed, it's the dampness. - I'll just give you a little hand.
No Obelix!
Oh don't scold him the wood is still too dry.
Welcome to my house.
Come this way please.
Coming Obelix.
And this is where I work.
Master, the architect Ardefus demand to see you.
My rival, show him in. - I'll come straight to the point...
let us build Caesar's palace together. If we succeed then we divide the gold...
between us, if not, you can be food for the crocodiles by yourself, after all...
there wouldn't be any need to give them two when one will do nicely.
I refuse, you are a cruel, two-faced schemer that's what you are.
Now get out of my home! -You'll be sorry for this, you wait...
and I'll see you later in an alligator!
I'll take you to the building site. - Yes do Edephus, It should be...
interesting to see where you work.
Dogmatix!
Are they slaves? - Oh no, those are free workers.
They are crazy these Egyptians.
This is lunch hour, come and see the plans for the palace.
Why aren't those two stopping? - They are getting a little overtime.
Here are the plans, I designed them. - I recognise your style.
Good people, don't let that wretched architect Edephus exploit you.
You have eaten too much and you are paid too little, stop work now!
Take action against such as exploiter, leave him in the lurch.
Go on strike, go back home!
Master the workers have just told me that they refuse to do any more work.
Someone is stirring them up against me. - But who?
Yes, who? - Ardefus, your rival of course.
All this worry makes me feel ill, when the crocodiles get me, I'll be uneatable!
You're eager to make them a good meal. - Of course, they are sacred crocodiles!
After all, they are crazy, these architects!
Let's see what is going on.
We refuse to go on working under this condition, the work is too hard.
Right!
They don't want to go on working.
The work is too hard.
Asterix light me a good fire under that cauldron.
No, not for you. You fell in the potion when you were a baby.
Give them a little demonstration Asterix.
It works like a charm. - Of course, bring your men along...
a little portion of this magic potion will do the trick.
No!
No!
No!
No! - How does he manage to recognise me?
I must do something and fast. Crewcut!
Yes, oh Ardefus my master - I know that Edephus's expecting stone...
to come down the Nile from the south, that stone must never arrive.
Here is gold, Crewcut for you to settle this business.
I hear you and obey you and Ardefus my master.
Take this gold and make sure that the stone doesn't reach its destination.
Done by Osiris. Thrown this stones overboard.
There's non stone left. - This is Ardefus's doing.
No more stone, no palace, no palace, the crocodiles!
Calm down, we'll get your stone for you.
Don't worry, we'll get it back as soon as we can.
I hope, but we've only a month's time left to finish the palace.
They must never come back from their journey alive. I'm counting on you.
They won't ever arrive, oh master.
This is slow, too slow
Move all the ships to the back and fasten them together with rope.
That's what I like, a little exercise.
I must say the boy never fails to surprise me.
There's no much beer or boars here. - You have to eat what is put before you.
Beer for Asterix!
Boars and beer for Obelix!
Bones for Dogmatix!
Look here, I've got one hump, I'm a dromedary, not a camel!
Honest I ask you!
Tomorrow we shall go and see the Sphinx and the pyramids, they are worth a visit.
What do you think of that?
Dogmatix, Dogmatix, come here! Come here Dogmatix!
Dogmatix, you leave her alone Dogmatix!
There must be a great view from up there
Dogmatix, you wait here.
Obelix! - Oh dear! Oh dear! Oh dear!
We'd better get out of here, come on.
From the top of these pyramids here, twenty centuries look down on you.
There must be a great view from up there. - Obelix you stay here.
Oh pyramids, give me a menhir any day. - Can't you forget Stonehenge?
I wonder if they would let us visit them. - Yes of course, of course, I'm a guide...
and I can take you noble foreigner tourist for a visit inside the pyramids.
In that case we accept with pleasure.
Follow the guide.
This is no place for a nice little dog, wait for me here, Dogmatix...
and if you're good you'll get a nice bone.
Absolutely fascinating, these pyramids.
Dark blue sky told me, noble strangers, without me you would never get out...
of this labyrinth alive.
Come along in here, this room boasts some magnificent hieroglyphics.
You will never get out of here noble strangers.
This room will be you tomb.
Very interesting these old carvings. - Yes, but our first concern is to find...
our way out of here.
Non of this would never have happened inside a menhir.
All things considered, Obelix for the very first time, I'm going to give you...
some of the magic potion.
Honest? I'm going to have some magic potion! La la la!
I'm glad I came inside this pyramid. - Obelix, after you.
Can I have a little bit more?
Well are you coming?
Very interesting, these mazes.
How about that door there? - Can I have a little bit more?
No Obelix! No! - It's just isn't fair! I hardly had time
to taste it and now he won't give me any more, it's not fair!
I'm afraid that guide was right, it's just possible we won't get out alive.
I'm sorry for poor Edephus, without us he won't have his palace finished in time.
I'm sorry for Dogmatix that's outside! - Dogmatix!
Dogmatix has tracked us down here thanks to his nose, so he can find the way out.
You'll get two big bones.
You'll get lots and lots of bones.
Sometimes I think he understands everything I say to him.
Follow the guide.
It's magic! You're all wizards.
It's magic, they're all magician, they managed to get out of the Great Pyramid.
Those Gauls are really fantastic, even so they still haven't reached...
Alexandria, they still have to get back up the Nile, we must stop them somehow.
I know just the men you need master. It's a bold gang of pirates who lost...
their ship on high seas when they got on the wrong tack.
Send them to me. - They are here master!
I'll give you a boat and you will sail this boat down the Nile. Somewhere...
you'll meet a fleet of ships carrying, stone if those ships fail to reach...
Alexandria, you will get gold, lots of gold! Now look you, you board...
them, cut their throats, have their guts you do them in and then sink them.
Same old drill as usual boy.
These cruises are such a bore. I'm bored Asterix!
I have the impression that there's going to be some fun soon, Obelix.
There's a fleet of ships carrying stone dead head.
Right then me hearties, don't loose your nerve.
It's full of Gauls! Full of Gauls!
Full of Gauls? Full speed astern let's get out of here, about turn!
Obelix, here's something to help you pass the time, there are pirates up head.
Real pirates? Oh goodies, goodies.
Yoohoo wait for me!
Faster boys, faster!
Well I think we can get on with our journey now Obelix.
Ah a bite, I'm not eating that fish.
Well, we are on the wrong tack again.
You know they are beginning to get me down a little those Gauls.
Very well, if that's how it is, I have an idea, a great idea.
You have an idea master? - Right, a piece of cake, follow me.
Pestilential pastry. poisonous pancake.
Yes! -Murderous bangers!
Not bad. - Viper's venom topped with cream
Good! - Cyanide custard pie.
Great! - Special ice arsenic.
Oh yes!
A present for you oh Queen! - Bring it in.
The three Gauls sent this cake as a gift to the Queen of the Queens.
How sweet of them, you may thank them in the name of Cleopatra.
My taster, send for my taster.
Coming! Coming!
Taste, tester. - With pleasure my Queen.
Oh dear! Oh dear! Oh dear!
Finally my friends, you are back at last.
And we bought you plenty of stone enough for you to finish the palace.
Gauls, I arrest you in the name of the Queen!
Shall I smash them one? - No, Obelix you can't, let us see...
what is going to happen next.
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.
Gauls you were trying to poison me with that cake, weren't you?
Cake? What cake Queen? - Throw them into the dungeon...
until I have decided on their fate.
There's not a moment to loose, lets drink this antidote.
This potion will neutralise the effects of the poison.
They are just giving the royal crocodiles their appetisers.
Step aside, we are coming out!
May we come in? - Guards, guards seize those three men.
Gauls from far, sworn to destroy my power, I shall show you how a Queen can die.
Now is the fatal hour, see how a Queen can die, here I come, Osiris!
Gosh, she's a good actress.
No, no, calm down, we simply want to know what we're being charged with?
What you're charged with? With that!
Looks like a very good cake. - Obelix, will you find me a cake knife?
May I? Now cut three pieces of this cake.
Three pieces I said!
That's right, three! - Greedy pig!
I call that an excellent cake, my Queen, what was so special about it?
Just ask my taster. - Oh dear! Oh dear! Oh dear!
Ah lets see, he's just got a little touch of indigestion, that's all it is.
Oh dear! Oh dear! Oh dear! That's much better I'm hungry!
I've treated you unjustly, Oh Gauls, I will set you all free, you may go!
Someone must have wanted to hurt us.
Yes but who? - Ardefus.
You mean Edephus's rival? - Who else?
Suppose we pay him a little visit. - That's just what I was going to suggest.
Where does Ardefus live please? - Ardefus? That way!
Here is to our victory Crewcut.
The time has come for us to drink to success.
Since you wanted to work on the palace, we are going to give you your chance.
The construction of the palace is going well, You will have it finished on time.
Cleopatra is going to be very pleased.
Very pleased. The palace is nearly built Caesar and you know I think I'm...
going to win that bet Julius.
Delighted to hear it, oh my Queen, simply delighted.
I'm shall loose face with Cleopatra. i was told that her architect Edephus...
was only a nit wit, something odd is going on here, go and find my spy.
Here I am. Here I am. - Come nearer.
Go and see what's going on in Edephus building site.
I want to know why the work is getting on so fast.
Quite a job, hey.
Three Gauls? An old druid, a cunning little one and a fat oaf?
Asterix, Obelix and Getafix, those three men can perform any kind of miracle.
I must act now!
Send for my Egyptian mercenaries and quick!
Hail Caesar, those that are to serve you at reduced rates, salute you.
You 're to get onto Edephus's building site, without anyone seeing. Then you...
are to knock over the cauldron of magic potion, and you're to get hold of that...
Gaulish druid, a bag of gold if you are successful. Get moving, by Jupiter!
We are moving oh Caesar, by Osiris.
I'll see about that cauldron, you two take care of the druid.
We get it brother! - Okay brother!
If that potion is all that it's supposed to be, I won't be sharing that bag of gold.
Hey look at that, who are you and where is our druid Getafix gone?
Julius Caesar sent us to capture your famous druid.
But our big brother has double-crossed us to get all the reward for himself.
Without the magic potion, without Getafix we are lost, the sacred crocodiles will...
Lets go and get our druids back. - All right Asterix.
Dogmatix I'm leaving you here to guard the building site, watch out.
One of the mercenaries is back, Caesar! - Send him in.
Mission accomplished oh Caesar!
You have deserved well Caesar mercenary here is the reward I promised you.
Have this troublesome druid locked up, I want him thrown into the dungeon.
I'm the hottest, I'm the richest, I'm the...
Where is our druid? - Caesar has had him shut up in the...
dungeon of the palace, please don't beat me anymore.
Coming Obelix. - Yes Asterix.
It's big brother. Big brother, junior and I want a word with you.
I only hope we'll be able to find our poor old druid.
All these old dungeons are the same.
It's just as easy to get in as it is to get out.
Halt, you can't come in. - So we can.
May I Obelix, if you don't mind.
Asterix, Obelix!
Step aside, we're coming out. - Oh no, you're not coming out.
Oh yes we are.
You meant, you're coming out.
What? The druid have escaped from prison? Those Gauls will soon find out...
what it means to brave Caesar' anger! Tomorrow when they waken I will have...
a little surprise waiting for them, and I think you will like it!
Master, the building site is deserted, none of the workers have come to work.
What's going on? What's happened now?
In the name of Caesar, we hear some Gaulish troublemaker are hiding on this...
building site. we order them to surrender, if they don't we shall attack, by Jupiter!
We don't want to fight, but if we have t o, we've got the men and the stones!
You'll be sorry for this. By Mercury!
What are we going to do, by ourselves? - We build our fortifications by Felenos.
You're quite right, my ben salaam.
Do you think we might go home now by any job?
To the attack!
Return to the battle! - Join the army, re-enlist the masses.
They are back again!
To the attack!
See the world, the man said.
To the attack! - He's nut!
You're off your head! - No kidding.
If that's the way it's going to be, we'll have to bombard them.
Hey look, they've got guided missiles. If they miss I'll be surprised.
Fire!
My palace! They are breaking up my palace!
We ought to let Cleopatra know, she is the only one who can get...
Caesar to stop this attack! - Good idea, I'll write Her a letter.
And Dogmatix will deliver it for you. Dogmatix? But he's much too small.
Dogmatix is not too small. - Obelix don't be pig headed...
Dogmatix can not deliver that message. - Yes he can! Mr. Asterix does...
everything, Mr. Asterix has to be the boss!
You know what Mr. Asterix has to say?
No just what does Mr. Asterix has to say? - Here is the message, but how are...
we going to get it to Cleopatra? We are being besieged.
Oh you had better ask Mr. Asterix, he's boss.
Now, now Obelix, don't be cross I was only teasing.
My dog is no good.
Dogmatix will deliver the message, and I'll deliver Dogmatix.
Watch out, one of the Gauls is breaking out.
He went the same way he came. - He was only passing through.
Oh Gauls from a far, sworn to destroy my power, I will show you how...
a Queen...can die, now is the great love...
No, no, my dog has brought a message for you.
Oh isn't he sweet? Someone bring a bone for the dear little dog.
This will never do. By Osiris, Julius Caesar isn't play fair.
Right oh Gaul, I will take care of this.
Watch out! One of Gaul is breaking in.
There you go Obelix, Dogmatix is back. He carried out his mission perfectly!
Oh you see, I was right?
Let's hope Cleopatra acts quickly, those Romans meddlers are demolishing...
the whole palace!
You see Caesar, even if we don't capture those three Gauls, it comes to the...
same thing, the whole palace will be destroyed.
Good excellent!
Hail Caesar, there is someone who wants a word with you, there.
Oh my Queen, what a happy chance. -That will do! When I heard what was...
happening I hurried out at once. I didn't even stop to change my dress.
When you make a bet you're supposed to play it fair and I had every right to...
call the Gauls, and I'll prove to you that my Egyptians can still build a beautiful...
palaces, and I insist that the Roman leave the builders alone and let me tell you...
Yes, yes, all right I apologise. - Well I should hope so, let's go home.
Well, what do we do now Caesar? - We lift the siege, you idiot.
Look, the Romans are lifting the siege! - Victory by Tutatis!
Goodies, goodies! - And it's all thanks to Dogmatix!
Now then, back to work.
Sure enough the work gets going again and at considerable speed...
since you will remember when architects did not finish the job on time...
they were thrown to the crocodiles, a good old custom sadly neglected today.
At last one fine morning...
Oh my Queen the palace is ready for you! - You have kept you word Edephus...
I Cleopatra will keep mine. By Osiris cover him with gold!
Oh My Queen! The loveliest of Queens! I have lost my bet and now I yield
the victory to you, yours is the honour of cutting this ribbon Cleopatra.
I know how much i owe you Gauls, and you have earned my heart felt...
gratitude, I will have you sent home to Gauls on my own state galley.
It was nothing Cleopatra, it was nothing, goodbye now.
Say, will there be any boars on this galley of yours?
Obelix! - Why does he have to keep...
telling me off all the time? This state galleys might be all very but if there...
aren't any boars it's hardly worth making all fuss over!
Everyone is eating, everyone is drinking, everyone is joyful and...
celebrating and the happy ending of this story.
Everyone is drinking? Everyone is eating? Everyone?
Well, nearly everyone.
And when spring comes...
Cleopatra's magnificent ship approches the coast of Gauls...
where the little village welcomes its heroes home
with its usual enthusiasm and feasting.