Allan in Wonderland

Transcription

What’s good homeboy? This week we divin’ down da rabbit hole with Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carrol. Alice chillin wit her sistah and is ready to pass da fu** out when girl peep a swagged-out rabbit yappin’ bout how late he gon’ be. Whaaat? Alice follow dis bustah down a rabbit hole, falls fo’ a long ass time, and end up in a hall with a buncha locked doors. Alice find a baby size key dat fit a baby size door, open dat bitch up, and peeps a fine-ass garden on da otha’ side. Prollem is- Alice too damn thick to get through. She spots a lil’ cup o’ drank, give it a sip, and turn in to an itty-biddy. Oh sh**- now she can’t use dat baby size key! So then she peep a piece of cake dat say “EAT ME”- girl get her grub on, and ends up HELLA big. Since she still cain’t fit through da do’, she start cryin and straight up floods da whole damn room. Girl picks up a fan, gets small again, and now she flowin’ in dat river o’ tears. After swimmin to safety and chillin wit some animal homies, Alice sees dat white rabbit again. Fool roll up on Alice thinkin she his servant and tell her to git her ass back home. Eventually Alice truck it to da forrest where she peep a giant Caterpillar chillin on a shroom chiefin some dank. Brutha give her the 411 on how this shroom work- one side make her big, the other side make her small. Later, Alice peep some cat chillin in a tree with a sh**-eating grin all up on his mug. Fool’s name is Cheshire cat, and he give her directions to the March Hare’s party. Aw hell yeah CRISTAL BITCHES! Up at da March Hare’s spot, Alice joins a tea party wit some otha hustlas: Da Mad Hatter and a sleepy ass mouse. Da hatter say they ain’t neva’ gon’ stop sippin on da tea cuz fo’ them, it’s always 6pm. Time dun lost his damn mind. Alice throw up tha deuce and cruises over to dat sweet garden she peeped at tha beginning. She runs up on da baddest bitch in da hood- Da Queen of Hearts. Girl wanna cut off errybody’s head fo’ no damn reason! Da queen even accuse da Knave of Hearts of stealin some of her grub, and put his ass on trial. Alice take part fo’ a lil’ while, and finally say “Hold up! Dat’s some bullsh** right thurr.” Da queen tell her to shut her damn face but Alice like “Bitch hop off my nuts. You just a pack of cards.” Tired of her stupid lip, da Queen try to ice Alice by smackin her round. Then SNAP-Alice wake up in her sister’s lap. Damn. What the hell was dis girl smokin? ... And where can I get some? Lewis Carol wadn’t like mos’ writers. First of all, dat ain’t even his real name. His mama called him Charles Lutwidge Dodgson. And second, playa got MAD game at logic and mathematics. Matta’ fact, years of slangin dat logic influenced da comedy up in dis book. Like when da Queen and her posse arguing about cutting of da Cheshire Cat’s head, da real joke come from what it actually mean to behead somethin; and whether or not you can do somethin you ain’t understand: Homies got all sortsa readings fo’ dis book. Some say dat we peepin legit dreams dat representin all da crunk- and creepy- sh** Carrol got goin on in his dome. Otha scholas think all dis whackness jus’ a way to philosophize in a real artistic way. Maybe dat hard logic been applied to a crazy world jus’ tryna make a bigger point- dat every hustla tryna find order in their life, but da world around em ain’t nuthin but chaos. sh** dis whole wonderland is batsh** crazy- we got objects giving order to people, we got time stopping like a lazy piece of sh**. But da world ain’t da only thing dat changin- we changin’ too- 24/7. All throughout dis book Alice always tryna define herself and flippin sh** cuz she cain’t pin nuthin’ down- even who she is. 'Dear, dear! How queer everything is to-day! And yesterday things went on just as usual. I wonder if I've changed in the night? Let me think: was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the net question is 'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that's the great puzzle!'' Truth is, we all a lil’ like Alice in Wonderland- we grow, we shrink, we learn. Erry day we forced to confront a world dat look like it’s upside down, and all the while, we changin so much dat we can lose track of who we are if we ain’t payin’ attention. Dat ain’t an easy pill to swallow, yo. So follow da white rabbit back to my store and cop yo’self some Thug Notes Gear. Peace padna!