Microsoft acquisition hoax

Transcription

Hi I'm John Green. Welcome to my Salon...hey there Ron Swanson. And we're going to start this week with a popular psychological test: "While at her mother's funeral, a girl met a guy who she didn't know. She fell in love with the guy on the spot. A few days later, the girl killed her own sister. What is her motive in killing her sister?" (scary stuff) If you answered that she was hoping that the guy would appear at her sister's funeral...you think like a psychopath, as proven by a "genuine psychological test" conducted by a famous psychologist... IS the first of 51 hoaxes I'm going to prove wrong today. In 1995, Fox Television played a film featuring the dismantling of an alien corpse whose UFO had allegedly crashed in Roswell, New Mexico in 1947. The culprit here was Ray Santilli, an English filmmaker whose false footage was the basis of Fox's extraordinarily popular broadcast. Later, Santilli and his partner fessed up that their footage was merely a "reenactment" of a REAL alien autopsy, which, they didn't capture on camera becase... reasons. So pretty much all of us vloggers here on the Internet owe a lot to a fake homeschooled teenage girl video blogger whose family just happened to be members of a murderous cult. Lonelygirl15 blew up in 2006 quickly gaining over 100,000 YouTube subscribers, which back then was a lot, but a sting operation conducted by some fans...including me, not to brag... revealed a connection between the project and a talent agency in Hollywood. Turns out "Bree" was in fact 20-year-old actress, Jessica Rose. I was just bragging to everybody about my central role in uncovering lonelygirl15. In fact, my only role in uncovering lonelygirl15, was that I was part of the community that uncovered her, but at every turn I urged people to go what turned out to be the wrong direction. I was also convinced that her family actually was a part of a murderous cult and that she was not an actress....its all very embarrassing now. In 1869, a 10-foot-tall giant stone man was uncovered while workers were digging a well in Cardiff, New York. The owner of the New York farm, William Newell started charging tourists 50 cents apiece to view the giant, which was later discovered as a hoax orchestrated by George Hull. Hull had created the false giant as a tongue-in-cheek prank after getting into an argument with a Methodist on whether Genesis's claim that giants once ruled the Earth should be taken literally. He did score some money out of the argument though, eventually selling the fake giant for $37,000. Now I get to show off my Dutch pronunciation. Jarno Smeets uploaded a video to YouTube in March of 2012. But this wasn't your typical babies-biting-fingers or cats-playing-keyboards clip. The video showed Smeets donning wings and then flying through the sky. Turns out Jarno Smeets was not a bird man but actually animator Floris Kaayk...I lived in Holland and that is my prnounciation...anyway, he was working on a media product...a pretty successful one. When the second war in Iraq was just beginning, a photo emerged of a gigantic Camel spider in email inboxes around the country asking for sympathy for the troops. Mark is there a spider behind my shoulder? *screams* Oh sweet holy lord, how could you have a smurf holding a present right above that gigantic spider? Anyway, the email claimed that the flesh-eating spiders, which were tormenting US troops, could run twenty-five miles per hour and jump three feet in the air. These spiders do exist, and they are big. But this is a cleverly angled picture. Plus, they definitely don't run that fast and they can't really jump at all...but Mark, can the escape from glass? In 1814, during the Napoleonic Wars, a man dressed as a colonel went around London claiming that Napoleon was dead and the Bourbons had won the war. The news resulted in British stock prices rising before falling back to normal when it was revealed that Napoleon was...not dead. And in fact Lord Thomas Cochrane, the man who benefited from the stock fraud, was subsequently arrested. People went wild in 1994 with an Internet press release that Microsoft had acquired "the Roman Catholic Church in exchange for an unspecified number of shares of Microsoft common stock." The press release was, of course, phony, but Microsoft had to come out with an official statement assuring that they were not going to make sacraments available online anytime soon. And in fact, to this day, even if you make a confession on one of those Tumblr blogs, it still doesn't count. A 2007 widely-circulated email claimed that an 8-inch mummified fairy was found in a garden in Derbyshire, England. With descriptions of wings, teeth, and hollow bones, along with pictures...many people were hopeful that we had finally located Tinkerbell. But, in fact, it was. a. hoax. And not the first fairy hoax either. Perhaps the most famous was the Cottingley Fairies, pictures taken by two young girls PROVING the existence of fairies in 1917. The fairies turned out to be cardboard cutouts. Because you know, no Photoshop. In the 1800s in Hungary, the Mechanical Turk amazed everyone with its ability to play clever chess against a human opponent, often winning. It even beat Benjamin Franklin and Napoleon Bonaparte. But , it was a hoax. There was a little guy inside controlling the Turk and moving the pieces around. *Sigh* Mark would like me to clarify that it was not, in fact, a little guy...he was a regular sized person. The Fiji mermaid, allegedly discovered by an English doctor, Dr. J. Griffin was a widely-discussed hoax in the mid-1800s. Many came to see it and were disappointed by its non-beauty. Which makes sense considering the mermaid was, in fact, a paper-mached monkey connected to a fish bottom. So I don't want to over simplify, but it was essentially just like Donkey Kong riding a mermaid. In 1912, Charles Dawson found a bunch of skull fragments, which were put together by his team to reveal the Piltdown Man. The completed skull would essentially serve as proof of evolution by fitting the description of half-man-half-ape. Scientists were unconvinced. And they were right because the Piltdown Man skull was actually comprised of the bones of three different species. Charles Dawson, truly the poorest man's Charles Darwin. In 1904, Frederick Lorz won the marathon at the Summer Olympics, but only sort of. Because he stopped after nine miles, got a ride from his manager for the next eleven...and when the car broke down, Lorz walked back to the Olympic stadium and "won" the marathon, crossing the finish line, breaking the tape and everything. Then he went on to claim that it was all a joke, but only once people started accusing him of not actually running the entire race. In his defense, he did run NINE MILES. That seems like a lot to me...I'd give you a metal for that! Alien crop circles are pretty common hoaxes these days (including in M. Night Shyamalan movies), but all thanks to Doug Bower and Dave Chorley who cut their first of many "flying saucer nests" in an English wheat field in 1976. In 1938, Orson Welles went on CBS radio, reading from The War of the Worlds by H. G. Wells, but in a standard news format. Confused listeners believed that they were listening to a report of an alien invasion that was occurring in the United States. This unintentional hoax was so believable that some people initially tried, but failed, to sue CBS for "mental anguish." Studies claim that six million were listening to The War of the Worlds and 28% of those listeners believed that the alien invasion was truly happening. It's the same 28% that's current yelling at me about my alien crop circles comment. A hoax was actually used in order to ensure D-Day's success. The day before the fighting in Normandy, the British used actor-soldier M. E. Clifton James, a General Monty Montgomery lookalike, to distract the Germans. By the way, apropos of nothing, General Montgomery had dogs named Hitler and Rommel. German troops headed to the Mediterranean to fight the decoy General, allowing the true Monty Montgomery to invade Normandy on D-Day. M. E. Clifton James later played both himself AND Montgomery in a movie dramatizing the hoax. We call that the Eddie Murphy. Alright, let's pick up the pace here. Left-Handed Whopper. Yes, this was a real hoax that had right-handed Whopper eaters up in arms. Meredith. "Up in Arms".... I expect better of you. Burger King said they rotated condiments 180 degrees for their left-handed patrons. But that turned out to be an April Fool's Day joke. Hitler Diaries, purchased by a German news magazine in 1983 for $6 million...not Hitler's Diaries, in fact. And I'm sorry Ladies, Pope Joan, the pope who casually went into labor during a procession, is a hoax deriving from folklore. There has never been a female Pope. Despite what you've heard on the internet: egg whites, flour and butter... none of these things help heal burns...they do however make for delicious baking, if you want to turn your burns into cookies. Balloon Boy was up in the attic the entire time that his family claimed that he was on a crazy balloon ride. The WingDings computer font didn't predict 9/11. Typing in "Q33 NY" DOES give you an airplane, towers, a skull, and a Star of David. BUT "Q33" is NOT the flight number of either of the planes and actually has nothing to do with 9/11....and whaaaat...this is crazy! There's no such thing as Triple Waterspouts. Also, these are definitely not 24) UFOs. Oh, "photographic evidence" hoaxes. The Internet only made you more prominent. Here, I made you a list of people that are definitely dead: Elvis Presley, Michael Jackson, Andy Kaufman, Tupac (that was a hologram), Jim Morrison and Jimi Hendrix. And here are some people, despite rumors to the contrary, are not dead: Gene Simmons, Britney Spears, Miley Cyrus, Garth Brooks, Charlie Sheen, Eddie Murphy, Tony Danza, Bill Cosby, Justin Bieber, Dave Matthews, Paul McCartney. One of those people is probably going to die before we upload this video... between now and when the video is uploaded...and they're going to be like, "Paul McCartney is so dead...." I didn't know Paul McCartney was going to die. I mean if it was going to be someone....but I didn't know! Anyways speaking of Paul McCartney, The Masked Marauders, an album featuring a collaboration between him, Bob Dylan, Mick Jagger, and John Lennon was the subject of a satirical article in Rolling Stone, much to the disappointment of many confused fans. You can't charge your iPod using electrolytes. The popular YouTube video was a hoax. Stop asking Yahoo Answers and stop plugging your iPod into onions. Blair Witch Project? Hoax. Paranormal Activity. Also a hoax. But still terrifying. YouTube is not shutting down to "select a winner of the all time best video." That was an April Fools prank, besides we all know we would win. Also Facebook is not considering charging...because who would pay for that? And lastly, this should really go without saying, Do NOT trust any website offering to sell you a device for at-home do-it-yourself LASIK surgery. Here, Mark made a list of all the things you should buy on the internet that shoot you in the eye with lasers. The famous site LASIK@Home, first created in 2006.... yah, nooo. Really. No. Thanks for watching mental_floss, which is brought to you with the help of these nice people. Every week we try to answer one question that you have asked. This week's question (we don't know how to spell the username), is it true that Alfred Nobel, creator of the Nobel Prize, blew up his brother with dynamite. Yes. In fact, you know where all that Nobel Prize money came from? Dynamite. Thanks for watching and DFTBA.