Fathers' rights movement in Australia

Transcription

Hi everybody. Stefan Molyneux from Freedomain Radio. Hope you are doing very well. So, once more, I dive where angels fear to tread into the realm of men and women and getting along better. And, I hope you will find this of some use. So, I grew up in the 70s and 80s, that is the nineteen-seventies and nineteen-eighties, for my younger fans, and boy there was a lot of male-bashing. There still is, but man it really came into its own in the 60s and 70s. Men are stupid. Men are immature. Sports and sex, that's all men care about. Men are all the same. There was even a joke: What does the female geologist say? Min-er-al the same. Yeah... Not a great joke, but a joke. And for a variety of reasons, one of which was this male-bashing, divorce rates went up like 300% in the 1970s. It was like a neutron bomb had gone off in neighborhoods affecting only those with testicles. And so, one of the things that's happened I think that is really tragic, is this trend has continued and in many ways escalated. Like, if you look at all the stupid sitcom male characters that women are always wise and the one suffering. The men are always impulsive and stupid and shallow and emotionally out of touch and so on. This kind of propaganda is really, really heartbreaking. You know, if you scratch most contempt, you will find almost an utterible loss underneath. The volcano of anger often, so often is fueled by the hundred thousand shards of a broken heart. And, when I hear women putting down men, what I hear is that there were not close to their fathers. I'll just give you an example. I'm a stay at home dad, and I have been for about 5 years. I'm very close to my daughter. And, when she gets older, if she hears women trashing men or she looks at this endless parade of Homer Simpson-style idiots in the media, when she hears women trashing men or putting them down or complaining about them, I think she's going to say, "Hey! That's my dad you're talking about here. So, stop that!" Right, like if my mom had adopted a black kid who was my brother and was a great kid and we loved each other and respected each other and we were close as brothers ought to be, then if I heard people putting down blacks I'd say, "Hey! That's my brother you are talking about." So if you're close to someone, it's the best way to break these kinds of stereotypes. And, these stereotypes can only persist in the absence of closeness, in the absence of a deep knowledge of another person, in the absence of real connection and real empathy. And so, when I hear male-bashing in society, what I hear is a lot of women saying, "I wasn't close to my father." When I hear women saying, "I don't respect men." or "I think men are that." What I hear them saying is, "I don't have a father I can respect. My father is this, that, or the other." Now, we all know that the extrapolation from personal history or personal example to a universal is bigotry. And, if I get robbed by a Chinese guy, and then I say all Chinese guys are thieves. That's an unwarranted extrapolation. And, you know, kind of bigoted, racist. Right? This kind of male-bashing can only conceivably continue in the absence of intimate male role models for girls growing up ...and boys to some degree. We want to focus on the ladies for a moment. And, when you are close to someone, you can't generalize about that group anymore because you know an exception, and therefore the general rule becomes offensive to you. Now, one of the things that I am challenged on is my argument that "men propose and women dispose". ...that men ask women out and women say, "yes" or "no", and then men pursue women and men woo women and men buy flowers and dinners and concert tickets for women. And, then they buy them an engagement ring and then men usually will pay for the wedding, the father-of-the-bride and so on. And, this means that women are in the privileged position of choosing men. That "men pursue women and women choose men". This is common throughout the animal kingdom. It is common among mammals. This is common among birds. There's a reason why peacocks have those Kardashian butts floating after them. And, there are birds that dress up the nest to attract the women and so on. So, you think of the male ducks as pretty and the female ducks are not. That's (be)cause the males are in pursuit. And, this is biologically how it should be. Right? I mean, the men should be competing to get the affections of the women or the females, so that the best genes can replicate and so on. People sort of seem to have trouble understanding this. I have never been asked out by a woman in my life. The girlfriends I've had, I've always asked them out first. Now, before you think I look like the homeless Phil Collins troll that I do now, all the way back then... Here's a picture of me when I was a young man. (Shows picture) See, not bad right. I'd hit that. In fact, I'm pretty sure I did. So, I've talked to a lot of men and they don't get asked out by women. For the most part, its men asking women out, And, you know, buying dinners, and wooing women and then women say "yes" or "no". No problem with that. It just seems to be the way things are. Now, if this is trouble for you to process, there is an easy way to understand it. So, imagine that I'm looking for job. I don't have to have a job, but I'm looking for a job. Maybe, I'm independently wealthy or something like that. Or, one of those massively earning podcasters on Youtube. (Laughs) It's where the cash is baby! Then, I say to you, I'm going to go look for a job. I'm going to look for a job, but you know what, I keep getting these offers pouring in. You know, they'll pay me a hundred dollars just to come for a job interview. And, they'll keep paying more money every time I go for a job interview. And then, I get a signing bonus of like ten or twenty thousand dollars. We can understand that I am in the position of choosing because the employers have to bring themselves plus money to woo me. They have to pay me to show up just to be interviewed. And then, to sign on I'm going to get tens of thousands of dollars in a signing bonus. Well, this is what it's like for women dating. Right? Men ask them out and men will usually pay for them to go on a date. I know there's exceptions. Please don't waste your time and my time by saying, "Well, I'm a woman. I pay for my own..." That's fine, but we're talking about general trends here. Right? I mean, don't be the idiots who when I say, "Orientals are generally short", you say, "well, I know a tall Oriental guy". Come on, let's work a little harder than that. Shall we? ...and, this is what happens. Women get a signing bonus. I mean, they get an interview bonus just for showing up for a date, and they get a signing bonus for accepting a marriage proposal, which is a wedding ring, which is usually two months' salary, the sort of DeBeers recommended level. And then, other people pay for their weddings. And so, this is a ten, twenty, thirty thousand dollar signing bonus just for getting married. That means they are in the privileged position of choosing because the money have to bring themselves and money and resources to the table. There's nothing wrong with that. Women control eighty percent of family spending. I mean, it's women who choose. And so, when I hear male-bashing, what I hear in particular is two things. One, "I wasn't close to my own dad" because otherwise male-bashing would be offensive to you as it will be to my daughter. So, "I wasn't close to my own dad", number one. Number two, I'm upset that my mother didn't choose a better man to be my father. Those are the two things I hear, when I hear this general scorn upon men. Look, normalizing your own trauma by universalizing it unjustly is a completely natural human phenomenon. And, if your dad was a bad dad or an absent dad or a deadbeat dad or whatever, then saying, "well, men are just like that," that makes you feel less upset at your own dad (be)cause he's just a man, and that's what men do. But, if you recognize that there are lots of good men out there, just as there are lots of good women too, if you recognize that there's lots of good men and lots of good women out there, then if what your dad did, if he was not a good dad, was bad and was painful. And, your mom is foundational to that choice. Your mom chose who your father was going to be. And, you know, unless she was a complete troll, she had choices. Right? She had choices of who she was going to marry or who she was going to have kids with or whatever. Right? So, when we are upset at both parents, but we let one parent off-the-hook... Like, if we're upset at our father, but then we're not upset at our mother for choosing that person to be our father, then the person who gets... the parent who gets blamed gets double the blame if one parent is let off-the-hook, which is why the responsibility of women in choosing fathers is erased. It always goes down the memory hole. It doesn't even show up. And then, that means double the upset and outrage is going to be directed at the men because none of it is directed at the women. Let me give you an example of this sort of double standard... So, I did a video recently on the dangers of dating a single mom. And, um... I had lots of emails and comments pour into me saying, "Aah! Aaah! What about the dangers of dating single dads? Huh?" ...this came from women and some men. Well, I mean, the obvious answer is there's very few of us, right? I mean, in Canada with a population of like thirty-five million, there are thirty thousand stay-at-home dads. Right? So... I kind of go with the demographics. (Laughs) You know, I talk to the majority, right? Sixty percent of kids these days are born out of wedlock. Sorry, forty percent—sixty percent in some communities, forty percent as a whole, fifty percent women under thirty. That's a huge number. In 1960, it was like eighteen percent. And so, a huge number of kids are being born out of wedlock. And yes people say, "Well, it takes two to make a child". That's true, but it's the woman who has to say "yes" or "no". Men will generally have sex if it is available. Women have to be a bit more selective because their investment in children—fertility is much higher than a man's. Right? So... So, I did this video. All these people are saying, "Well, what about single dads?!" Well, look. I will start making videos about the dangers of dating single dads when one fundamental thing occurs. You've seen articles about domestic abuse, and what is it? It's always male-on-female, male-on-female... The male domestically abuses. The females are the victims. There are no men's shelters for abused men in relationships. Yet, it's common knowledge, it's been verified many times in a wide variety of studies that fifty percent of domestic abuse incidents. That would be fully one-half of domestic abuse incidents are initiated by women. Well, that's quite important. Wouldn't you say? Fifty percent of domestic abuse incidents are initiated by women, so I will do the dangers of dating a single dad when I see one of these articles and women are underneath it pouring on and saying, "Well, what about the women who initiate fifty percent of these abuses? Why are you always talking about the men?" See, this is the double standard, right. When there's a large female problem, and you talk about it, then everyone says, "Well, what about the tiny male problem?!", but when there's an equal problem, the female problem vanishes. Right? So, I'm supposed to talk about single dads even though they're like tiny, in terms of numbers of the population, but we can't talk about the fact that fifty percent of the domestic abuse incidents are initiated by women. That has to be blanked out because equality then is not important, focusing on the other side is not important. So, that's just something to understand when viewing this double standard. Because, when I grew up, and still now, you see this relentless portrayal women as sympathetic and empathetic and curious and sensitive and feeling and great listeners and all kinds of warm and gooey, soft caramel hearts on the inside. And, women will always say, "You need to support me, you need to listen to me, you need to empathize with me. I really want you to understand how I feel without judgment—without judgment. Don't judge me! Don't blame me! Just listen to my issues." Ok, well you know, men have some issues. There's a whole men's rights movement that most women have never even heard of. And yet, almost universally when men complain, about I think some pretty just things to complain about, women don't want to hear it. "Man up ... can't get laid... Get out of your mom's basement! You're wrong, you're lying, you're misleading, you're distorting statistics..." There's no listening going on from the most empathetic gender. Right? So, my request and my encouragement to women is you know, listen to men who have complaints. I mean, you've asked men to listen to you for lo these many centuries and to be supportive and to listen without judgment without blame, but just openly and acceptingly taking in what the other person's issues are. Don't be defensive. Don't be avoidant. Don't minimize. ..all that kind of stuff. Well, I would really find it impressive if women were to do that with regards to men's complaints. You know, the three most powerful words in (laughs) relationships are not "I love you", but "tell me more". Somebody has a complaint? Oh, tell me more. Tell me more. I would like to hear more about this. I really want to understand your perspective. Tell me more. I don't see a lot of women doing that. I mean, I've good reason in my life to be upset with women, and outside of my friends, almost nobody says, "Tell me more. Tell me more about your experience. Tell me more about what you find unjust towards men in the current social environment" and so on... And, I think that's telling. You know, people who claim to want a virtue should be the first ones to practice it. And so, I really do invite women to listen to men about their issues; about what they find problematic with male-disposability, with marriage, with divorce, with law courts, with alimony all this kind of stuff. If you want us to listen, it can be helpful to show us how it's done. And, I invite women... you know, (be)cause men can't solve this problem. Men by definition have very little credibility with women because we are, you know, sports and sex obsessed, and shallow, and unemotional, and distracted, and all that kind of stuff... So, it is really women who are gonna have to talk to women about these issues. And, that's sort of my invitation. There is something very wrong. Men don't want to get married these days. Fertility rates are dropping all throughout the western world. Men are going on strike...ala "Atlas Shrugged". And, it's an important issue. And, I think until women listen to men's problems and complaints, this isn't going to be solved. But first and foremost, I think women need to... If you grew up with an absent or uninvolved or abusive father, that was him. That's not all men, at all. And, he was there because of your mom's choice. Male virtue is in many ways the shadow cast by feminine standards. Men will generally be as good as they need to be to get a woman. And, if woman's standards go down, I would say largely because the government has replaced men funneling resources towards women through taxes and debt, and thus diminish the value of men to women. But, if you grew up with an absent, uninvolved, or abusive father, that's a heartbreaking situation and I'm incredibly sorry for that. You know, one of the most fundamental ways psychologically that we develop empathy is through the father. Empathy is developed through the father. And, there's a reason why sociopathy has doubled in the past fifteen years, and I would argue that it's because we got a whole generation of women raised to think a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. Okay, well then, stop going to the state (be)cause the state is largely a male, patriarchal institution. So, I would invite women to stop going to the state to make up for bad choices when it comes to dating and procreation. But, um... when women are told that they don't need men or girls don't need fathers, then the girls grow up with much less empathy. Which means... they can't empathize with their own losses for not having a father, they can't empathize with men's issues, we can't connect again as genders. We're supposed to fit together, not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually like jigsaw puzzle pieces. We're all supposed to fit together well. That's not working very well at the moment. But, I think if women are able to process their own loss, and to view the choices made by their mother regarding their father as problematic, and worthy of some responsibility and perhaps even some blame, then I think we can start to process the real stuff that is getting in the way of the genders coming together. Most importantly, when that process is done, please please please ask the men in your life the issues that they have with society, the issues that they have with women, and don't blow up, and don't do all this not listening stuff. Don't immediately argue and go rush to find alternative statistics. The emotions are real that men are experiencing. The problems are real that men are experiencing. And since women have talked for so long about the need to uncritically listen to somebody else's issues, please please do that with the men in your life. I promise you it will do the world of good. Thank you so much.